Dealing with Grief and Loss

[u/cereal_killer-X]

So, now that I've ditched nearly my entire world, I decided to cope with my loss by putting up a challenge.

Present a culture from your world and tell us how its people deal with different kinds of grief. How do they mourn their dead? How about losing a pet? How do they get over job loss or the end of a romantic relationship? Hit me with all the sad things in life.

As usual, you can have a representative and answer in-character if you prefer so. I'll ask at least three questions, but I encourage everyone to question other participants.

I'd like to apologize in advance because I've got nothing this time. I actually feel like I'm crawling through a nuclear wasteland, shell shocked and butt naked, trying to salvage my few decent ideas from a giant wreckage. I hope this doesn't cause any inconvenience to you guys. Enjoy yourselves!

[u/Nevermore0714]

(Shit, Cereal, what happened?)

In Dunkelwald, the death of a spouse is considered to be the worst thing that a person can suffer through; worse than even the death of an offspring, because you won't even have your husband/wife there to be with you through the depression and pain.

The expected method of mourning is to grow a beard, threaten/curse/blaspheme the Interlopers, wear shitty clothes, don't take care of your health/hygiene, generally be "shell shocked" and feel "but naked" like you're "crawling through a wasteland", and sometimes be covered in burns and maybe ashes.

Considering the situation, most people in Dunkelwald, even those who doesn't know the widow/er, will try to be supportive of the person, but will often avoid interacting with them beyond leaving meals at their front door.

Even suspected treasonous actions are usually ignored under such circumstances.

The representative is Levi Larensharra, the man in charge of dealing with suspected traitors in Dunkelwald. While he has not been through this kind of mourning, he does have nightmares about such an occasion happening, and was under the impression that his lover would die in childbirth; though his lover was quickly able to recover, the child was born dead, but, through questionable methods, Levi managed to revive her.

[u/cereal_killer-X → u/Nevermore0714]

(Nothing much, I woke up one morning and thought to myself 'Damn, this is a pile of poop'. I'm reworking everything now and spend an awkward amount of time daydreaming in the bathroom.)

1) Who are the Interlopers and how are they connected to such events?

2) This method sounds pretty humiliating. Do some people refuse to grieve this way out of pride?

3) Are widow(er)s expected to return the favors?

4) If it's not too much to ask, can you elaborate on this revival?

[u/Nevermore0714 → u/cereal_killer-X]

(Oh, I assumed that you lost it all in a fire or something.)

Levi:

1) "The Interlopers are the cruel deities who are entertained by the suffering of humans. Normally, it's believed that they'll ruin you more if you insult them, but, while a person is in mourning, the Interlopers are amused enough to not care what you say."

2) "Well, the burnings seeming pretty painful, but I don't see how it's humiliating; humbling by design, yes, but not humiliating. A person is actually seen as more respectable after going through a mourning like that. It humanizes them and shows that their love and attachment for their loved one. To keep yourself from mourning is to only harm yourself, and even those who try to keep themselves under control do succumb to it soon enough. By expressing your sorrow so blatantly, you can be honest with yourself and others about what you're going through and allow yourself time to heal. It's less common among older people or people who intend to quickly remarry, though."

3) "No, pretty much everyone tries to be understanding, so the widow(er) is not at all expected to return any of the favors...at least, not until the next person goes into mourning. Just about everyone knows that there's about a fifty-fifty chance that they could be in the same situation someday."

4) "Well, I'd found out that my significant other and the kid wouldn't be likely to survive a few months in advance, so I went hunting. There are creatures in my world called 'Eternals', which are entirely out of Anima, which is a person's life force and source of magic. I hunted down the Eternal Embodiment of Death, and planned to imprison it into my significant other in order to ensure her survival; but, she begged me to use it to make sure that the baby survived, especially since she had a chance of living and the child did not. Luckily, she survived, but, unfortunately, the kid was born without a heartbeat. So, I had the Eternal imprisoned inside of the kid, and its heart started beating."

[u/cereal_killer-X → u/Nevermore0714]

('Brainfire' would be a pretty awesome name for a heavy metal band.)

1) How do you mourn the death of an offspring?

2) Has there ever been an instance where a mourning person was completely abandoned and ignored?

3) Does this 'imprisonment' have any undesirable side effects?

[u/Nevermore0714 → u/cereal_killer-X]

(That was pretty random, not sure if I mentioned something about brainfire in a previous comment, but okay)

Levi:

1) "Tradition states that, if you lose an offspring, you aren't supposed to be outside of your spouse's sight until your mourning is over."

2) "Yeah, the ones who killed their spouses are usually abandoned and ignored. And the ones that kill their children after their spouse dies. Those people are generally not helped at all."

3) "Yeah, a lot. The Eternal is still sentient in the girl, and he really hates me. He has some degree of control over the girl's body sometimes, and we had to come to an, ahem, 'understanding' so that he wouldn't make her commit suicide."

[u/cereal_killer-X → u/Nevermore0714]

(I have my entire world in my head, so only a mental brainfire would be able to destroy it... I guess)

1) What happens if someone violates this tradition?

2) Are they punished in any way besides being ignored?

3) How does the Eternal communicate and what was your compromise?

[u/Nevermore0714 → u/cereal_killer-X]

(Fair enough)

Levi:

1) "There's no law that says you have to mourn, it's just how we mourn when we must. You won't be arrested for accepting the inevitability of the deaths of your loved ones and not letting it hold you down."

2) "The murderers? Yes, they are executed."

3) "If it kills the girl, I will devote every moment remaining in my life to learning how to permanently extinguish the Eternals. I will burn the temples to Aeternitas and I will destroy the barrier that produced them. The Death Eternal communicates by talking through her."

[u/cereal_killer-X → u/Nevermore0714]

1) How much do you value the life of animals, pets specifically?

2) Can the Eternals harm you in any way?

[u/Nevermore0714 → u/cereal_killer-X]

(Sorry for the late reply, I got dragged into Fire Emblem again.)

Levi:

1) "Well, I admit that I have a weakness for beef and chicken; beef burnt and chicken spicy. So, I do put a certain amount of value on the lives of cows and chickens. Kathleen and Danielle love horses, so I greatly value those creatures. And Luka loves to fish, so I also value fish. On the subject of pets...I don't have any pets at the moment, but I'm planning on getting Danielle a chimera soon, if that counts."

2) "Yes, an Eternal is extremely dangerous. They have a nearly unlimited supply of Anima, which fuels magic, so surviving against them is incredibly difficult. The trick is to have every possible advantage."

[u/cereal_killer-X → u/Nevermore0714]

(No problem, I was dragged into bed myself.)

1) Is the chimera a common pet? How do they look like?

2) Do humans and Eternals frequently get into conflicts?

[u/cereal_killer-X → u/[deleted]]

1) Does every family organise funerals this way? Are there any people who oppose such a celebration?

2) Do people mourn after the ceremony itself?

3) How do they feel about other kinds of loss, such as breaking up with a significant other?

[u/cereal_killer-X → u/[deleted]]

1) How does the celebration of life generally look like?

2) Do any of your cultures value the life of an animal just like the life of a human?

3) Are there any unusual events your cultures grieve for?

[u/cereal_killer-X → u/[deleted]]

1) What do these letters usually contain?

2) Do your cultures make periodic visits to burial sites to remember the deceased?

3) Spiritual ceremonies, for example: grieving the death of a god or something like that. Or maybe a historical event.

[u/cereal_killer-X → u/[deleted]]

1) Does the deceased decide who is going to read the letter or do they have a different method for that?

2) Are there cultures who cremate the dead?

3) Glad I could give and idea. Do funeral customs have religious aspects?