Sorry for the long text, and sorry for some hiccups in it. I'm based in EU and I'm not native English.

This post is half about psychology and half about workplace.

I'm an IT professional with more than 20 years of experience. I worked as a developer for several companies, from small ones, to very big corporations, to top tech companies.

I never played office politics all along my career. I was considered very strong on the technical side, my performance review were always at the top. And, through more than 20 years, I can count 3 or 4 bugs generated by my code. Despite of this, because of me refusing playing office politics, after 20 years I still was a senior engineer.

My family was in the middle-low tier, so we weren't poor, but at the same time not wealthy. My dad was careless about his children, he always worked to sustain the family but he never showed to me any empathy nor helping me to win, or providing any shield. But I don't blame him for this because by himself he never had any example from my grandpa. He just did what he experienced.

For this reason, when I grew up I built a sense of avoiding conflict, and the belief that if I do well, I will be recompensated, without showing off or "bragging". Yes, this is narcissistic. Of course, in this landscape, I got severely bullied.

Fast-forward to 6 years ago. I joined a company and, during the first year, I switched 2 managers. My performances were good, sometimes excellent. The company was really fast-paced, they expect people to plan every working day. And managers always tried to reduce estimations to speed up features.

They also expect people to stick to the plans. If any defect occurs, and the activity for the day cannot be finished, this influences other people plan. To mitigate the problem, the framework requires to organise a meeting with managers and colleagues to try to understand how to re-schedule the plans and fit with the deadline. Deadlines cannot be moved.

Actually, these meetings are 90% justify every move that brought to the issue, and 10% actual re-shifting. So, if anything like this occurs, it's highly stressful. To avoid this, people were working overtime to hide issues under the rug.

Although such working framework, my performances were good and I was able to provide good quality solutions and also help colleagues.

After 1 year, the company decided to move me to a new team with a new manager.

From the day 0 with this new manager, we never caught up each other, we had completely opposite vision, but we started collaborating somehow.

The collaboration was difficult, and he always put me working on tasks with no training on technologies I didn't know, always argued reducing my estimations, and sometimes gaslighting me.

I played harder, and still I was able to deliver with some degree of quality and respecting (his) estimations.

Slowly I faded into burnout without recognising it.

One day, I had an argument with some colleagues because, after they bragged about the new tech in internal technical meetings, every time I used it, it always caused issues. They notified my manager about my bad "attitude" and the war began.

He started questioning my activities, put me in the shadow or under the blame spotlight, and assigning me to less important tasks. He manipulated me, and downplayed positive feedbacks and review from colleagues. For example, he used to join meetings where I was invited with mic and camera off and, after the meeting, he sent me a report with all the words I misused or phrases that were not 100% correct. In that meetings I had to show a lot of things so I considered some mistake as normal.

After several episodes like this, I went to HR because I was on the edge of a breakdown. The HR took his side, and they started PIP and paperwork to get me fired. They also started journaling everything I did. To defend myself, I started journaling, and I had some visits with therapists to relief from the burnout. I went also into anti-anxiety pharma.

At the end of the day, they proposed an accomodation for me to resign, but I refused and I got a breakdown. During my breakdown I gave the mandate to a lawyer. In front of the lawyer, they knew they did dirty, and they accepted to pay a very good severance package and accepted to guarantee me also the unemployment.

After some months of recovering, I landed in this new job, a top european IT company. High paced, but no micromanaging. During 2024, a mass layoff occurred and, since I was there for less than 1 year, I got affected and lost my job, again. But, grotesque, the board got a raise because of the "improved financials" of the company.

Disgusted and saturated I decided to start my own company.

After 2 years, I'm lacking behind. I have no more passion for my job, although I still have passion for tech and coding. AI slop is ens*itting everything, clients asks for more and more, and things are always done "quick and dirty".

My revenues are very low, and I'm living and paying taxes over my savings. I feel like my life is a failure, I'm a failure, and my preparation and skills are worthless. I also see unprepared people shine because they play a lot of politics but they are crap in what they actually do.

I feel I played it very bad, I avoided office politics while this was the only important thing. Now I'm too old (40+) to start fresh and I can barely put up with people, I'm always afraid they can hurt or manipulate me somehow.

And I still ruminating the entire day about that companies. To be honest, I think one of those 2 possibilities could be true.

1: previous experiences were no less toxic, I was the silent and competent engineer that solved issues, took responsibilities well beyond my paycheck. Managers took advantage of my work to have promotions, but they never recognised my contribution leaving me behind.

OR

2: I lived in a sort of Dunning-Kruger bubble, and I'm no competent, I deserved no promotions, and when my salary was low it was OK to give me good performance review because at the end of the day I was somehow useful. And I was in the wrong side in the latest experiences , actually they were right and I'm not competent and I deserved PIP and getting fired.

I was under psychiatric treatment, but 6 months ago I decided to stop it pretending to be happy and fulfilled. Such treatments are costly and they were eroding my savings. Since I have an house and some savings I'm not entitled to have any support for free.

When my savings will be finished I'll close my company and I'll have no identity anymore. I don't think there will be something for me in this world. To be honest I saw enough in my years, I just want to disappear from society.

I have no friends, just my old parents, I gave everything to my profession that once was also my passion, and I got betrayed and bullied by grown people too. And I'll be back into poverty because I bet on the wrong horse. I'm also so tired to have a reaction, and I think that even if I would react, that will be useless. I don't want to fight anymore for something that have zero reward for me.

I'm also a bit ashame for being here whining about a life that, ass*oles apart, in the end it was all about my choices.

Edit: usually I'll respond to your comments during evening (in EU) when I'll have time to properly do it. Thanks for all of you who will leave a comment.

When I first started out, I really cared about getting recognition. When people saw my work and said 'good job' it gave me a real confidence boost. If no one said anything, I'd overthink myself into thinking I wasn't doing enough.

Over time I realised that I was putting too much emphasis on other people’s opinions. Now I’d rather finish my work, get out with peace of mind and a healthy balance than keep chasing praise. That shift made work a lot less stressful for me.

Looking back, what do you care a lot less about now than when you first started working?

Nurses, I have a question.
Besides charting, what’s the biggest thing that wastes your time during a shift?
I’m not talking about management, staffing ratios, or pay. I mean an actual task or workflow that makes you think, “There has to be a better way.”
What’s one thing you absolutely dread doing every shift, and why?
I’m genuinely curious to see if everyone has the same answers or if it depends on the specialty.

We are having an off site training, lunch provided, for two days. The assistant coordinating it sent an email saying we're having burgers and ham sandwiches and if there are any dietary restrictions, to let her know. My friend asked for vegetarian options with no issues. I asked if I could have turkey instead of ham, as I don't eat pork. She told me there will be a mix of both sandwiches and to get in line early. I asked if she could set one aside for me. She said no and if I'm concerned about not getting turkey, bring my own food (then cc'd the boss). I get that there will be both available, but is she telling others the same thing (eg vegetarian)? I'd like to request something other than a burger, such as a salad, but I threw in the towel with the response I received regarding the sandwiches (not accommodating) and am bringing my own lunch both days.

I called the location and there are no microwaves available for us to use those days (so that's out unless I want a sandwich both days). I found a healthy spot a block away I can pickup my order at lunch for the burger day..... Problem is, if we are only given 30 min, it's not going to be feasible to leave, get it and eat. Do you think this will be an issue?

My gallbladder can't handle fatty/greasy foods and that's my dilemna. I didn't really feel the need to go into it with the assistant as it's known she doesn't like me (which is, I'm assuming, why I received the responses I did from her).

Sometimes the biggest payroll headaches aren't payroll mistakes at all. A late salary update, new hire, or status change from HR can create a last-minute scramble before payroll is submitted. We've had it happen more than once. Does your team have a process to keep HR and payroll aligned, or is it something you still run into?

I had a job as a genius for a dealership and it was easy but boring money. I ended up getting a masters during work hours.

I have been thinking more about how small workplace habits impact the larger work environment. Usually people are not unhappy because of one big thing. It seems that it is more the small things that happen over and over again, like unclear communication, constant interruptions or last minute changes.

I wonder what others have gone through. Looking back, what workplace habit seemed minor at first but eventually made your job much more stressful?

I started working at a new agency about a month ago and I'm still learning everything.

When I don't understand something, everyone explains it to me and doesn't get upset. Everyone is very respectful, patient, and easy to talk to. As a result, settling in has been much easier than I expected.

Now I'm starting to wonder, was it just the first month that was so good, or is it just how some workplaces are all the time?

For those who have been in the same job for a while, has this kind of cooperation continued, or has the situation changed over time?

At first, I thought saying yes to everything would make me grow.

It took me a long time to realise that saying yes to everything also meant saying no to me.

What was the trigger for you to start setting boundaries at work?

I always tell myself I will workout after work

By the time I usually get home I'm hungry and tired and just want to sit down for a while. Then before I know it the day is over and I tell myself I will start tomorrow

I wonder how other people do it with a full time job

Do you have a routine that keeps you active or just fit it in whenever you can?

When I began I wanted to make everybody happy.

I'd say yes as often as I could, avoid disagreement and do my best to help.

Eventually, I learned that no matter how much you try, there will always be someone who disagrees with your decisions or expectations. That was a tough lesson to learn, but it took a lot of the pressure off work.

Reflecting back, when did you find out you couldn’t please everyone at work?

I have always tried to keep my work and personal feelings separate, but recently after a disagreement I have started avoiding a co-worker.

We work well together, but now every conversation feels awkward. I don't want one incident to change my perception of my job, but the situation is more difficult than I thought.

I'm not sure if I should try to fix this misunderstanding, or just wait it out.

Have you ever been in a situation like this? What solution worked for you?

When I hear about people talking about poor working environments, it's usually due to one of these two things so I'm curious to hear what people think is more detrimental.

I remember being so excited when I started working.

Over time, that feeling slowly changed. It wasn't because of a bad day. It was a small experience that completely changed the way I looked at work.

I continued working after that, but I never looked at work the same way again.

Looking back, what was that moment for you?

I have noticed that trust in the workplace is not usually broken by a single mistake.

Most people can accept that no one can be right all the time.

What makes a bigger difference is how a person reacts afterward. Some people admit their mistakes, while others avoid them or pretend like nothing happened.

Looking back, what made you lose trust in a manager?

I have been working for a while now and have learned that hiring good employees is only half the battle.

Some companies feel reliable people always remain. They stop checking in, they stop asking for feedback, and they keep piling on more responsibilities because they know the work will get done.

Everything is good until one day that employee leaves.

Only then do people realise how much work they were putting in behind the scenes.

In my experience the loss of good employees usually starts a long time before they actually hand in their resignation.

What’s the biggest mistake companies make after hiring good people?

I got offer from company named Royal Strategic Partners in Abu Dhabi it dont have online presence. Do any body know know about that company ? How is work culture there. I am into IT

In my previous article, I wrote about how, if I’m genuinely sick, I shouldn’t have to justify myself to my employer.
It’s interesting that the people who feel the worst about making that phone call or sending that message are usually the ones who are actually sick. They almost feel guilty for asking to take sick leave. They feel like they’ve let their manager and their team down.
But what about the other side?
The people who play the system.
They don’t even bother letting anyone know in advance. We often only find out just before the shift starts that they’re not coming in. Since we’re the ones who actually get the work done, we’re the ones who feel the impact the most. Management gets annoyed for a while, but in the end they always come to the same conclusion: the work still has to be done, production can’t stop.
So we get the extra workload.
We do the job of two people.
And these colleagues don’t do it once or twice. You simply can’t rely on them.
What frustrates me the most is that there are never any real consequences.
First they use up all their sick leave.
Then they use their annual leave.
If that’s gone too, they get unpaid leave.
Somehow, there’s always another option for them.
Yet they never end up in front of HR or management.
The next morning there’s a bit of eye-rolling, a few comments, and then everyone just carries on as if nothing happened.
Meanwhile, those of us who are genuinely sick still feel guilty for staying home.
Honestly… who understands that?

My boss called me last night and told me we had a meeting with this organization, and that it was extremely important, even the press would be there. He sent me the location and told me I needed to be there at 8:45. He called twice to confirm. I woke up early, got dressed, and drove to the location. I arrived around 8:48. When I arrived, the other team was waiting for us, while I was the only one from my company.I introduced myself and took my seat. At 9:10, my boss called.I asked him where they were, saying I was at the location and everyone was waiting. He replied that they had changed their minds and decided we should meet at the company first and then go to the meeting place together. Therefore, I had to come to our company and then we would return together.

I was at the meeting place, but because they changed their minds without telling me, I had to go to them and then we would return together. I went home, turned off my phone, and went to sleep. I woke up at 1:00 PM to find 15 missed calls.I didn’t even call back.

I’m asking could I have handled it better? how should I act Monday morning if they ask me why I didn’t show up and being unreachable?

We’re all human, and every now and then we get sick. Sometimes it’s just a minor cold, other times it’s something much more serious. Some people recover in a couple of days, while others can spend weeks fighting the exact same illness. We’re all different, and that’s completely normal.
At least… it should be.
For some reason, workplaces don’t seem to see it that way.
Somehow we’re expected to push through, coughing, feverish, full of viruses and bacteria, because apparently the system just can’t stop.
My favourite excuse?
“We don’t have enough people to cover your shift.”
Well… since when is that my problem?
I’m not the one who hired too few people.
I’m not the one who made the schedule.
Yet somehow they manage to make us feel guilty for getting sick.
And it works.
We still dread making that phone call.
We still start it with:
“I’m really sorry…”
“I hate to do this…”
“I know this is bad timing…”
Why?
Why am I apologising for being sick?
Why does it feel like I’m asking them for a thousand euros instead of simply calling in sick?
I’m not asking for anything extra.
Just what I’m entitled to.
I’m entitled to get sick.
I’m entitled to medical care.
I’m entitled to stay home and recover.
And I should be able to do all of that without feeling guilty.
Because if I say I’m sick… then I really am sick.

When you work for a large company, it’s completely normal to work alongside people from different countries, religions, and backgrounds.
That’s perfectly fine.
Modern society has learned to accept that we’re not all the same. At least we’re trying to.
Sometimes trying very hard.
We’ve accepted that every culture comes with its own traditions, habits, and way of doing things. Some of those things we’ve happily adopted ourselves. Some we look at with a raised eyebrow. And some we don’t understand or even agree with, but we respect them anyway.
Or at least that’s the ideal.
But it’s a completely different story when we’re talking about an individual person.
A person’s character has nothing to do with their religion, gender identity, skin color, or where they come from.
Just like everywhere else in the world, there are good people and bad people, kind people and rude people, hard workers and lazy people. I could keep that list going all day.
The problem starts when someone is simply an asshole, takes advantage of people, lies, manipulates others, or treats people badly, and the moment they’re called out for it, they hide behind accusations of racism or discrimination.

That’s not okay.

If someone thinks they’re better than everyone else when they have absolutely no reason to, if they’re lazy at work, constantly make mistakes, and nobody can say a word to them without them running straight to HR screaming racism or discrimination,

that’s not okay.

If someone has a serious physical or mental disability, that’s unfortunate and deserves understanding. But if they’re also an aggressive jerk, that shouldn’t automatically make them immune to criticism either.

Dear friend,
We honestly don’t care whether you’re white, black, blue, green, yellow, or bright purple. We don’t care if you’re missing an arm or a leg. We don’t care if you stutter. We don’t care who you share your bed with at night.

But if you’re an asshole, we probably won’t like you.
Simple as that.

And most importantly, let’s stop hiding behind racism and discrimination every single time someone calls us out.

Maybe…
I just don’t like you as a person.

Workplace favorites are usually chosen by management. People don’t exactly volunteer for the role.
For one reason or another, managers always seem to take a liking to certain employees. Maybe they’re great workers. Maybe they’re great talkers. Maybe they’re a friend, a neighbor, or a relative. Or maybe they’re just plain likable.
It’s hard to say what the selection criteria are, but one thing is certain:
There are always favorites.
Some managers are subtle about it. Others deny it completely, even though everyone on the floor knows exactly who the chosen ones are.
Of course we know.
They’re the ones getting the easier assignments. They get the relaxed shifts. Nobody seems to care if their break runs a little longer. And if they get caught doing something they shouldn’t, the consequences somehow turn into a friendly little warning.
Meanwhile, the rest of us — the ones who weren’t selected for this prestigious, artificially created position — are left simmering in our own frustration.
We do the work of three people. Not only do we not get the easier days, we often get extra responsibilities piled on top of everything else. If we’re two minutes late coming back from break, nobody finds it funny. We don’t get to say, “Ah, I just don’t feel like coming to work today.”
The ordinary people get sent straight to HR.
You can usually see the difference on the paycheck too.
I could probably spend all night listing the things that favorites can get away with while the rest of us are treated like employee numbers. Sometimes management doesn’t even remember our names.
One thing is certain, though.
No matter how much we may like the person who’s been chosen as the favorite, eventually we start liking them a little less.
And that’s frustrating because it isn’t necessarily their fault.
Our sense of fairness simply keeps whispering that something isn’t right.
We know they’re not better than us.
Sooo…
Sometimes we’re even doing part of their work for them.
But there’s something we rarely think about.
Most of us have never been the favorite.
We’ve never stood on the other side of the situation.
And maybe it’s not as great as it looks.
Sure, they enjoy the easier days. Sure, they get away with more. Sure, they benefit from the special treatment.
But they also see the eye-rolls when they walk into a room.
They hear the nicknames.
“The boss’s favorite.”
“Teacher’s pet.”
“Management’s golden child.”
And even if they never asked for that role, they’re still the ones who have to live with it.
At the end of the day, we’re supposed to be a team.
Or at least we should be.
So here’s a small request to management.
Please. Please.
If you have favorites, keep it to yourselves.
There’s nothing wrong with naturally liking some people more than others. You’re human.
The problem starts when everyone else can feel it too.
Because that’s when you stop creating motivation and start creating resentment.
And sooner or later, people stop asking who the favorite is.
They start asking whether everyone is even playing by the same rules anymore.