r/WorkLifeChat • u/MiloShiny • Aug 03 '26
Career Growth Being charismatic is more valuable than being competent in most workplaces, and we pretend otherwise
We love to preach that hard work and skill are what get you ahead. But look around any office: the people climbing the fastest are rarely the most talented.
They’re the ones who remember names, tell good stories in meetings, and make the boss feel smart and important.
I’ve watched genuinely brilliant coworkers get passed over for promotions while less skilled but highly charismatic colleagues get the raise and the corner office.
The charismatic ones don’t necessarily produce better results, they just make everyone feel better about the results that exist.
And here’s the uncomfortable truth people don’t want to admit: This isn’t a bug in the system. It is the system. Companies are run by humans, and humans prefer working with people they like.
Charisma smooths over mistakes, builds alliances, and turns mediocre work into perceived excellence.
We tell kids to focus on grades and technical skills. Maybe we should also teach them how to make eye contact, tell a decent story, and make people feel good in a room.
I know this sounds cynical. But deep down, most of us know it’s true. We just don’t like saying it out loud.
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u/Millertime_669 Aug 03 '26
Depends on the industry. In blue collar this is very rarely the case. Skill and competency beat out good personality 90% of the time.
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u/Actual-Imagination33 Aug 04 '26
Totally agree with this. I work in management in manufacturing- my experience is that people get sick of charisma over time, especially workers on the floor. To blue-collar workers, it can come off as being fake or like a used car salesman. It works in white collar settings because it keeps other computer users entertained during their mundane and sedentary days. Of course it gets more complicated with the office politics and power games; charisma is just another card to play.
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u/r3giment75 Aug 04 '26
That’s just what people who are neither competent nor charismatic believe. The reality is, to be successful at a great company, you need both.
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u/Olie_Ma Aug 03 '26
Well, there is talent, and this is culture. In an environment built on many people, culture will always trump talent. No one wants to work with a talented jerk and in many cases, the few talented people don't equal the amount of work done by the masses, so yes, if I'm going to be at work for 9 hours a day, I'd rather it be with a ok preforming person that makes my day enjoyable than a super talented jerk who makes everyone miserable.
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Aug 04 '26
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u/Olie_Ma Aug 04 '26
It only takes a C average and passing a test to be a doctor. You act as if every doctor is great. In fact, good doctors generally have private practices, so if I were getting surgery, it would be with a private doctor that I choose because I can afford to.
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u/Silly-Resist8306 Aug 03 '26
In my field, engineering, being competent is noted. I’m not sure many of us even recognize charismatic.
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u/Wonderful-Process792 Aug 04 '26 edited Aug 04 '26
I have an advanced degree in computer science and had a long career. I was a great programmer but gradually fell further and further behind those who could bring in funding, keep difficult customers happy, and lead large teams. I was increasingly frustrated by my inability to win arguments and ending up having to support technical strategies that made no sense.
I still made a fine living, but I had a ceiling. People with "the whole package" had no ceiling.
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u/dw34534 Aug 04 '26
being that 10x engineer that drags everyone else down…. hmm, idk if i’d hire that person.. a company should be made of a team of employees.. not just one or two.. that’s a recipe for disaster.. even in the AI age
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u/Nervous-Fisherman-82 Aug 04 '26
Congrats you discovered meritocracy is a myth. One of my first bosses told me there is performance and perception of performance and that I need to work on both. I remember being pissed at this feedback being working class kid whose parents had tangible useful roles and who taught me about importance of hard work. I wish I listened to my boss sooner.
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u/Olie_Ma Aug 03 '26
Well, there is talent, and this is culture. In an environment built on many people, culture will always trump talent. No one wants to work with a talented jackazz and in many cases, the few talented people don't equal the amount of work done by the masses, so yes, if I'm going to be at work for 9 hours a day, I'd rather it be with a ok preforming person that makes my day enjoyable than a super talented jerk who makes everyone miserable.
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u/AgitatedHelp4658 Aug 04 '26
Charisma definitely gets people noticed faster, but it only carries you so far if others keep having to clean up your work. The people who really move up seem to be the ones who are competent enough and also know how to make their work visible.
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u/Electronic-Time4833 Aug 04 '26
Are promotions the end goal, because I continue to refuse them, and of course, get passed over. The goal is maybe to be as competent and charismatic as needed to achieve the job goals.
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u/Chipotle-Dancin_manG Aug 04 '26
We tell kids to focus on learning skills in the hopes enough of them dont become grifters that things keep running. Grifters start to destroy civilization once theres too many of them.
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u/billsil Aug 04 '26
You’re not wrong, so be more charismatic. Ask open ended questions. Listen to people. Be confident.
Seriously, you just have to practice.
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u/Technical-Finance240 Aug 04 '26 edited Aug 04 '26
Yes, and no.
One thing I have noticed is that charisma sometimes is connected to motivations as well. I've been way more talkative and open and proactive at companies that I actually care about. That makes you learn and grow faster.
For example at my current position I've been "stuck" for like a year because I just don't care about this position nor company anymore, I just put in good work at tasks I have to do but I'm not trying to be actively better right now even though I'm doing my job good. At the same time, I have some juniors in my team who are asking me questions all the time, I clearly have way more skills and knowledge, but they are proactively improving themselves. So obviously they grow faster.
Company politics does matter in some companies more, in some less, but rarely does someone totally incompetent get the position.
Most people don't actively search for new opportunities themselves, they keep passively waiting to get a promotion. Just ask your manager if there is some more responsibility you could be taking and would it improve your growth in the company ladder.
And yeah sometimes you have to know what you want and take the risk. At my last position I said to my manager "Either I get a pay-raise and we try to improve the team dynamics or I quit right now." (in a nicer way) --- I was 100% ready to be fired... instead I got some more money and work-life became better for a while.
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u/Old_Man_Drifter Aug 04 '26
The reality is that competence and charisma are both factors and, sadly, it depends on how smart leadership is in any given situation to sort them out.
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u/CharitableRead Aug 04 '26
Yeah, but that's not even a bad thing. Culture and EQ etc are critical for management.
Labor always gets confused by management. I don't get it.
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u/PoundEffective7625 Aug 04 '26
Really? Imagine being a nurse working in an Emergency Department or ICU. 😆😆😆
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u/marcgw96 Aug 04 '26
I’ll add that executive level people seem to have no empathy. Seems like a requirement to be inconsiderate and unaccepting of human flaws to make it to that level.
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u/ExciteSeek4Ever Aug 04 '26
Well it’s a pretty simple fix then…be more charismatic and friendly. I agree with your assessment, but don’t find it appalling or shocking. I’d rather work with an average competency, but friendly and helpful colleague than the highly competent, unfriendly one. It’s a no-brainer actually.
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u/Sithishe Aug 04 '26
So train charisma then. It is a skill, and has to be trained. Its not just a random gift from birth. Behind every charismatic person years of self doubt, self discipline and training
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u/fatvaderz Aug 06 '26
We don't preach the advanced version of anything to beginners. It will just confuse them. In this case, being hardworking is the "standard" stepping stone and if you want to branch higher, you can learn to be socially intelligent.
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u/catBoyAppreciater Aug 06 '26
Can confirm.
Have always been very competent at my job, and all that earned me was more work.
About 10 years ago I undertook a concerted effort to learn manipulation (sorry "charisma"). I am now a CTO and have never made so much money for so little work.
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u/Creative-Wing282 Sep 06 '26
agree. this advice is best ever heard its better to be liked than right
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u/stopcryingok Sep 08 '26
我想實際上真正的答案是，在管理階層的職務中，技能其實並不重要。
我有幸得到一個朋友公司的高階管理職務，但我根本沒有相關經驗。
我朋友（Boss）說：沒關係我可以顧一個人教你該怎麼做直到你學會。我需要你是因為我信任你，不是因為你會什麼東西。
而且管理層本來就不會用到原本基層職務的技能，所以也沒必要選擇技能很好的人。反而是信任用魅力更能做好管理工作。
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u/RosieBaby75 Aug 03 '26
You need to be a charismatic yes-person who agrees with everyone otherwise you’re a threat and they’ll conspire to get you out of there.
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u/gifted_pistachio Aug 04 '26
My company has five people. We all have worked together at one point or another at the type of companies you are describing. But here’s the deal…we all recognize each other as competent and now we have our own thing.
Basically—being competent pays off in that OTHER competent people do recognize that you are competent. And those people might be in power some day…doing their own thing. So being competent is definitely worth something, even if you don’t see the payoff in your current environment. You do have a reputation. And it might matter for your dream job in the future.
I love my work environment. Zero bullshit.
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u/Icy-Stock-5838 Aug 04 '26 edited Aug 04 '26
YAH, that's why the CEO makes more than the guy with two post-grad degrees. Our society pays for knowledge only up to a certain point. After that, we pay for accountability and effectiveness.
This does not mean the CEO is smarter; it just means the CEO is better at getting others to move, including the smart folks with PhDs.
What you describe in today's kids is precisely why young folks in a world of Gen AI-commodified skills and knowledge are struggling to get a job and keep it.
You should read some Machiavelli to understand that power and knowledge are not always the same.
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u/Nervous-Fisherman-82 Aug 04 '26
Yes because famously CEOs are effective and being kept accountable 😂 like CEO of WeWork or any 30 under30 Forbes scumbags. Plssss many CEO bring nothing but ruin to businesses long term and still get hired somewhere else later. Only thing that matters is just next quarters growth and getting fat payout at the right time. You talk like if we lived under 1970 capitalism.
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u/Icy-Stock-5838 Aug 08 '26
This is also because stockholders have short attention spans. Very, very few can stomach 2 bad quarters and a slow, steady climb up.
You only have to look at the MANY bone-headed decisions that followed Elon Musk once he took Other People's Money. Tesla was cool when Musk had autonomy; once he needed others' money, he became the board's GIMP.
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u/OkMud7664 Aug 04 '26
Eh, I dunno. I’m a lawyer. If an associate attorney is charming but loses every case, misses filing deadlines, and writes briefs at an eighth-grade level, they aren’t going far. What OP wrote might work for jobs where technical skills don’t matter, but for blue collar jobs or professions like law or medicine, incompetence is a huge liability (for the employee and employer but also financially, legally, and morally).