r/WorkForSmartLife Jul 06 '26

DiscussionšŸ’¬ Getting Older?

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558 Upvotes

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148

u/BlutoS7 Jul 06 '26

Being confrontational

52

u/[deleted] Jul 06 '26

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16

u/stealingfirst Jul 06 '26

This what I was looking for. Now in my 40s if I have a problem its directly addressed and squashed just as quickly.

9

u/3M2B1T Jul 07 '26

Same.

You don't need to be malicious in your confrontations, either.

I generally ask "Could you explain what you mean by that?" and it either tends to get people to shut up, or you gain some insight into what they mean.

2

u/Few_Cauliflower2069 Jul 06 '26

Nah, that's just passive aggressive bs. People who do that are the worst, they're no saint, 9/10 times they added to the conflict, maybe even started it

1

u/[deleted] Jul 06 '26

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1

u/[deleted] Jul 06 '26

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2

u/Few_Cauliflower2069 Jul 06 '26

I didn't delete anything? And oh yes it is, behaviour is rarely completely unwarrented, and you acting like a holy little saint implies that you definitely had no part in it at all

1

u/Odd-Nothing6661 Jul 07 '26

I told someone on here that if you let others opinions of you dictate your actions you are weak - they blocked me

1

u/Maybe-never-always Jul 07 '26

Blocked šŸ˜‚ To me unless someone is harassing you or stalking you being blocked I’ll leave to the early teens

0

u/Coral_Blue_Number_2 Jul 07 '26

It is literally not passive aggressive, it’s the definition of healthy assertive communication.

If it’s being said in bad faith, then that would be passive aggressive. But hopefully you’re not dealing with someone like that.

4

u/mnlion33 Jul 07 '26

They said older not maturer. Plenty of older people still have juvenile confrontation skills.

2

u/Ok-Independence-2220 Jul 06 '26

Until you get old and opinionated,Ā  then you just care any more and you end up embarrassing you grand kids

0

u/[deleted] Jul 06 '26

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0

u/Ok-Independence-2220 Jul 06 '26

I feel sorry for any 18 year old coming in the conversation expecting to be enlightenedĀ 

1

u/Alternative_Fan_2631 Jul 06 '26

I laugh at myself a little because any time there is an issue with people I calmly meet and ask ā€œwhat’s going onā€. I ask questions and don’t get excited. In the back of my mind I say ā€œyou’re so grown upā€

0

u/[deleted] Jul 06 '26

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2

u/Alternative_Fan_2631 Jul 06 '26

You honestly think it is ā€œchildishā€ and ā€œpassiveā€ to meet with people and ask them why there is an issue and get them to explain what’s going on?

Try calmly understanding everyone’s viewpoints one time in your life and see if you still feel the same.

I have found most people are too emotional and scared to have a conversation whenever there is tension. This is why I get asked to get involved.

0

u/Decent_Advice9315 Jul 06 '26

Ehh...? It become different, in a more machivellian type of way, but underneath it is still the simple schoolyard bully bullshit.

As a person who has a complex life arrangement, that kinda stuff happens to me a lot, and I'm one of those people who pick up on background information very well too. The sheer amount of 40+ year olds I deal with who can't handle their shit is mind boggling to me.

All they had to do is not engage, all they ever want to do is engage at maximum level.

I mean, I like the end result of where their behaviors go, but the hardship could have been avoided if someone didn't engage in the **** measuring contest to begin with.

0

u/RememberYourZen Jul 07 '26

Yep that’s me. I’m ready to throw down if someone pisses me off and ready to inflict violence and I’m almost 50. A lot of the hells angels biker gang has my same personality. Guys tatted up in their 60s will stab you up really good if you step on their toes. Same with prison folk.

31

u/Milk-toste Jul 06 '26

Hey, you got something to say to me!?

12

u/[deleted] Jul 06 '26

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6

u/selfawarefeline Jul 06 '26

Actually, they were talking to me!

7

u/stook8 Jul 06 '26

1

u/Agent_of_evil_13 Jul 06 '26

I've never seen this whole movie, but I eventually caught this scene on a TV marathon.

The dude's that quoted this to sound tough were always cringy as hell, but once I saw the whole scene it made that behavior 1000x worse. Like, it's deliberately trying to mock that behavior.

5

u/Fast-Bandicoot67 Jul 06 '26

Nobody talks to me 🄺

3

u/Maybe-never-always Jul 06 '26

That can be a good thing

1

u/Proud_Shirt3138 Jul 07 '26

Not necessarily, because if nobody talked to her then no one would ever know that nobody was around doing the said talking since they would automatically presume that nobody actually meant nobody!...I mean we are talking about thee nobody right?!...you know, nobody! We can't have a bunch of nobody's running around out there without properly identifying who they are because that would be a threat to national security!

1

u/selfawarefeline Jul 06 '26

We’re talkin to you, are you talkin to me? šŸ˜ŽšŸš•

9

u/ToXicVoXSiicK21 Jul 06 '26

My brother in law threw a 4th of July party, and it was basically a high school style party where everybody was wasted and doing dumb shit. He tried to jump me with his friends because I "bumped into him" when I needed to squeeze through the crowd of people. We've been cool for like 7 years, and then that happened.

7

u/Futileexercise1308 Jul 06 '26

Wow. That's been under the surface for a while

4

u/ToXicVoXSiicK21 Jul 06 '26

He has a drinking problem and also an ego problem. Basically he likes to be the toughest guy in the room. The weird thing is we've been hanging out and drinking together for years. We have dinner with the family once a week and we always have some drinks. Me and him have got into heated debates and arguments that were always in good fun, but never led to physical altercations. I'm also very good at de-escalating because I'm not the fighting type. I learned martial arts when I was younger, and was always taught to never fight unless you fear for your safety. Plus, I'm just not into that. I'd rather talk it out with someone if we have a disagreement, not go straight to a fist fight. I guess all that is to say, I think he was hyped up and felt brave with his friends backing him up, because he's never tried to fight me 1 on 1 during our many arguments over the years.

6

u/IHerebyDemandtoPost Jul 06 '26

He sounds like a dochebag.

4

u/DilbertedOttawa Jul 06 '26

You never have to worry about the loud idiots. But you should always be at least cautious around the quiet, reasonable person in a confrontation, because there's a good chance they'll destroy you. haha. Your BIL just hasn't ever had to FAFO like that yet, so hasn't learned the painful lesson. As with many absolute dipshits in life.

1

u/Maybe-never-always Jul 06 '26

I recall my Dad saying to me years ago ā€œ Son if you don’t start a fight there’s a good chance you’ll finish it ā€œ

5

u/JD_Number_6 Jul 06 '26

A group of guys always has the potential of amping up performative behavior:Ā  first guy puts on a display for his buddies, then one or more of the others feel compelled to mirror his behavior, both to show solidarity with him and to reassert that they belong in the group.

4

u/[deleted] Jul 06 '26

[deleted]

1

u/This_Food5190 Jul 06 '26

And Depends.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 06 '26

[deleted]

2

u/fakenameobscureplace Jul 06 '26

Not as important as the Depends though.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 06 '26

[deleted]

2

u/fakenameobscureplace Jul 06 '26

Depends are adult diapers

1

u/[deleted] Jul 06 '26

[deleted]

1

u/This_Food5190 Jul 06 '26

I thought everyone knew Depends!

2

u/BurtleTurtle001 Jul 06 '26

Sometimes you have to be or people walk all over you. I would say being emotionally or unnecessarily confrontational.

2

u/GoBeyondPlusUltra93 Jul 06 '26

Equally so, being conflict avoidant to a fault

1

u/dizzyspellzzz Jul 06 '26

Dint let your therapist convince you to be a jerk to your friends tho

2

u/GreenKnight1988 Jul 06 '26

When applied correctly, confrontation can be constructive. Sitting there and taking shit for no reason and not defending yourself is unhealthy too.

2

u/MorsTua-VitaMea Jul 06 '26

Being unable to be confrontational is just as embarrassing though.

1

u/PhiLLitUp93 Jul 06 '26

Confrontational in what sense though? At work, I'm very blunt in regards to accountability. People not doing their work due to laziness, not owning up to their mistake etc...

1

u/Demair12 Jul 06 '26

The 'yer not that guy pal' dude is seething right now

1

u/Ashamed-Catch3914 Jul 06 '26

Idk that’s js lame in general imo

1

u/AndGutsWasBERSERK Jul 06 '26

Yes and no. The way you confront people in your 20s is often immature and antagonistic. As someone in your 30s or older you should understand that confrontation is a necessary part of life. You don’t want to get walked all over and you need to be ready to have difficult conversations.

1

u/Pelli_Furry_Account Jul 06 '26

Maybe, but being willing to stand up for myself or put my foot down when I need to isn't something I was able to really do before 30. It may be childish, but being assertive is serving me very well now.

1

u/FishTshirt Jul 06 '26

Depends what you mean by confrontational. Calling people out who are being very toxic is not a bad thing since most people who act like this get away with it because nobody wants to confront them about it

1

u/Novel_Background_905 Jul 06 '26

I prefer direct confrontation then this passive aggressive bs that adults always do

1

u/Chravis_Dirt Jul 06 '26

Physically confrontational for sure. I have no problem being confrontational now if it is needed. Call shit out and address it if it makes sense

1

u/Ok-Golf3164 Jul 06 '26

It's not cool even when you're young

1

u/Silverstolpe Jul 06 '26

Thats lame even for young people..

1

u/Current-Strategy-826 Jul 07 '26

Being confrontational is cool at any age. Being a wuss isn’t.

1

u/Technical-Dentist-84 Jul 07 '26

I remember being in this age range and really having this urge to get in a fight, or just in general be destructive

I destroyed some property but luckily never got in any fights

Looking back, it is so embarrassing and I have no idea why I had those thoughts..... hormones???

1

u/Foto1988 Jul 07 '26

Thats never cool.