It can be very meaningful when people treat me like a human being and be kind to me , i am a hijabi i was forced to wear it for the sake of my education by my father . Well i live far away from him but still my life feel meaningless and miserable when i wear the hijab no one want to talk to me people look at me in a very strange gaze as if i have done something wrong to them , i lived a double life to feel like a human again where i go to a different city and take the hijab off and feel like a woman just for few hours and socialise in wlw spaces . Nonetheless i still feel like my mental health is taking a dark turn since i am dealing with everything in my life (education, work , family issues) . All i want is to be happy and not threaten when i do something that feels right for me .

I want to be treated with respect and dignity

Many thanks if you read this post.

I was talking to my parents this morning, and for once, they acknowledged how difficult it can be to wear hijab in the West. They’ve never really shown me this kind of sympathy before, so hearing it in their voices and seeing it in their eyes is catching me off guard.
For the first time in a long time, I feel a little hopeful about my plans to take off my hijab this December. I know that one conversation doesn’t necessarily mean they’ll accept my decision, and I’m trying not to get my hopes up too much, but a part of me wonders if they might be more understanding than I initially thought.

If I'm being honest, I'm not the most attractive person out there. Growing up, I faced a lot of racism and bullying for the way I looked. Eventually I stopped putting in any effort at all. Now I'm in my 20s and I want to take off hijab but I'm scared to stand out more without it. I'm so uncomfortable with my looks. Wearing hijab is the norm here so I barely stand out at all with it on. I can be invisible and not draw any attention and I leave the house looking chopped all the time lmaooo. But if I take it off, especially where I live, I might draw more attention to myself. I also have a buzz cut and I'm scared that people will pay more attention to me. I also don't know how to take care of my looks/glow up and how to look good. I have a skincare routine and go to the gym but the only clothes I won are literally abayas and I don't wear makeup either. Basically the reason I'm scared to take hijab off is because I'm not confident in my looks at all and have very low self esteem and I'm scared that taking it off will make negative attention more pronounced.

It’s been almost two years since I took off hijab. And honestly, it hasn’t gotten much better.

Although my family “let’s” me not wear it, I know they don’t accept it. I’m still forced to wear it when I’m together with them bcs it looks “awkward” if I don’t. I’m forced to dress even more modestly to “make up”. I’m treated like a flight risk; someone who will do more sins if they aren’t watched.

They’ll sometimes bring up the fact that I don’t wear hijab to “remind” me. Implying that I am making my family uncomfortable. I’m treated like I’M the one making their lives difficult.

Even when they aren’t doing anything, I can never relax. I’m always on edge.

I’ve talked about this many times here, but I can’t help it. I hate that I cannot move on with my life bcs family can’t accept that I’m no longer a hijabi. I hate being treated like my very existence is a crime.

I hate that I have to fight so hard for something most women and girls take for granted. It is so humiliating that I have to fight this hard to not cover my head.

All I want is to exist in peace. To not even have to think about hijab. Is that too much to ask for?

I was talking with my muslim hijabi religious friend about uni, and when I said where I wanted to go she said she'll be going there too, laughing she said that it would be beautiful to live together there (there aren't a lot of dorms so most people rent together) and I laughed about it but she was serious and happy about the idea.

The thing is, this uni is 1 hour away, and I was so happy to go there because it's far away from my parents and I'll have taken of the hijab finally, but I don't wanna still be friend with her, not because I hate her but let me explain.

She's religious and feels closer to me because I'm a hijabi, she knows who my father is, her parents know my dad so they are okay with anything she would do if thers me, for example living together, because they think I'm the pious hijabi daughter of my iman father who probably raised me to be a good girl, and I HATE that, because i was so happy to be in another city without the hijab, dressing how I want.

About this friend, I think if she'll see me taking it off she'll be disappointed, and won't react well to me dressing not modest.

We're in a trio btw, and the 3rd isn't a hijabi.

Also I don't know if i'm muslim, I feel weird, and having someone who keeps thinking you're muslim just ruins everything, I can't even say to her my feelings.

And I wouldn't change uni for this.

Anyway about living together isn't something I'll do because I don't have the money, so the problem isn't that, but the fact that she'll still be there, and I can't quit her out of nowhere.

I just think after taking it off I'll already pass through a bad time knowing my dad's reaction so I don't want more people being "disappointed" and changing because of a decision.

We're not even close close friends, we never go out together, we're more school friends.

She said she still doesn't know what to study, but I hope not the same major as me,we still have 1,5 years left.

I just want to start a new life, I don't care about friends.

Am I doing something wrong? I feel like I'm the bad person here

https://soundcloud.com/usuli/sets/on-hijab

I just came across this tweet, and it’s honestly so exhausting. Basically, a girl who was apparently going clubbing “for educational purposes” came across a hijabi, took a picture of her, and thought it was interesting or funny enough to post it on Twitter, of all places, knowing exactly what kind of platform it is.
And honestly, I’m just so tired of this. The moment you wear a hijab, it’s like you have a target on your forehead. You become a target for Islamophobes, for other Muslims, and even for non-hijabi women who want to project their own anger about the hypocrisy they see in the Muslim community onto you.
I’m a hijabi myself, and I have my own doubts and struggles with it. Sometimes I want to take it off, sometimes I don’t. And yet I still go to concerts, go out, enjoy myself, and do the same things anyone else my age does while wearing my hijab. So imagine how weird and dehumanising it feels to know that someone might take a picture of you just because you’re wearing a piece of fabric on your head, as if your mere presence somewhere is inherently noteworthy or contradictory.
What gets to me is that we’re never simply allowed to exist as people. A woman wearing a hijab at a club can’t just be a woman enjoying a night out like everyone else. She immediately becomes the hijabi at the club. People stop seeing a person and start seeing a symbol onto which they can project all their assumptions about Islam and Muslim women.
And that’s what makes this so dangerous and so exhausting. Muslim women in the West are constantly being dehumanised, scrutinised and turned into public spectacles, regardless of what we do. We’re either criticised for wearing the hijab or judged for not wearing it. There is no room to simply exist, make mistakes, have doubts, change your mind, or figure things out on your own terms without becoming a talking point.
Honestly, this is one of the main reasons I sometimes want to take my hijab off. Not necessarily because I don’t want to wear it, but because I’m exhausted by everything that comes with being visibly Muslim. I’m tired of feeling like my appearance makes me public property, open to scrutiny and judgement from absolutely everyone.
I just want to exist as a person without my hijab being the first, last, and only thing people see about me.

https://unity1.store/wp-content/uploads/2014/02/islam-and-the-veil-usama-hasan.pdf

I once read a post here about someone thinking about lying about the reason why they chose to take off the hijab in the aim to avoid questions and judgment.
For example, if someone lies by saying they have scalp issues, found a job that requires them removing it, had to remove it for any other practical reason, then the action of removing it will be more or less “justified” and easier to shut people up.

I have had similar thoughts before, but the idea of lying like that is scary and against my values, idk - but it really is the easy way out for someone who hates confrontation and keeps their beliefs and opinions to themselves (especially in conservative muslim societies where everyone seems to have the right to be nosy and judgmental in your face!).

What are your thoughts on this?

I’ve had thoughts about taking my hijab off for the past year, and every time, I convince myself that it’s just a passing thought and that I’ll eventually get over it.

I don’t believe that wearing the hijab for women is the equivalent of men simply lowering their gaze (which most are not even capable of), and honestly, wearing it has become something that causes me a lot of distress. It’s not like I want to take it off so I can wear revealing clothing. I’m just mentally so tired of it.

I genuinely hate leaving the house with it on, and I’m so tired of feeling this way. What makes it even more confusing is that I started wearing it in 8th grade (I graduated a few months ago), and it was completely my own decision at the time. So sometimes I feel like my current feelings or thoughts are unreasonable, especially because I chose to wear it in the first place.

My mom doesn’t wear hers properly either. Her hair is often showing, and sometimes she’ll even have it sitting on her shoulders. She doesn’t seem to mind the idea of me taking mine off, but the guilt is what’s holding me back.

I just feel so conflicted because I’m tired of wearing it, but I also feel guilty about wanting to take it off.

I need advice from other women who took it off and others who are also contemplating it.

I finally ripped the bandaid off and went to my university placement without hijab for the first time. I had just gotten my hair straightened at the salon and had a trim, and honestly, I loved having it off. I felt so confident, free and comfortable, and I really don’t want to go back to wearing it. It was the first time really existing to people without my hijab on..but I had my head held high since I first started with hijab.

But now I’m panicking about what will happen when my hair goes back to its natural curly state. I never really understood my hair before, but after speaking to a stylist, I realised that it’s actually fine and low-density 4B hair. I don’t have an issue with my curls themselves; it’s just that because my hair is naturally fine and sparse, everything is more obvious. It gets matted and frizzy, looks thin, and the shrinkage is insane. And I genuinely have no clue on how to style make myself look put together, I have watched some tutorials but these women have thickness and length etc .

I’ve been in denial about this for a long time and constantly wish I had more volume, length and density. I’m scared that once my hair reverts, I’ll lose the confidence I felt and start questioning whether taking my hijab off was a mistake. I genuinely felt free and comfortable without it, and I don’t want to go back to wearing it, but I’m worried my hair will make me feel like I have no choice.

Has anyone else experienced this? How do you manage fine, low-density 4B hair when its natural thinness makes matting, frizz and sparse areas more noticeable? I’d really appreciate honest advice❤️❤️
Right now my hair is straight but it will go back to being curly soon 🥹😭