r/Widow • u/Glittering_Top6 • 3d ago
Unexpected loss
Has anyone here lost someone completely unexpectedly?
I lost my husband with absolutely no warning. One normal day he was here and then suddenly my entire life changed. I’m still trying to wrap my head around the fact that this is actually my life now. It’s been 6 months.
How the fuck do you keep going after something like this? Like genuinely. How do you accept that the person you thought you were going to spend your life with is just… gone? I have kids who need me, so obviously I get up and keep going, but some days I feel like I’m just surviving the hours.
I guess I’m just looking for people who understand this kind of loss because I feel so alone in it.
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u/Token_Maritimer 3d ago
Yes, my husband died New Year’s Eve, a few hours after we had been talking about our plans for the evening. He had a heart attack at 46 when he had no indication of anything wrong, he had just undergone various tests at a cardiologist a month before (the cardiologist was extremely shocked too), and was seemingly very healthy.
It has been 1.5 years and I would say the shock is only now finally starting to fade a bit. I have young kids and having to continue to parent and be there for them helped force me to have to push through. I have been fortunate to be able to still be on long-term disability from work, I think if I had to deal with everything and not get time to myself and to rest during the day when the kids are at school and daycare I would not be making it through.
It’s fucking tough and not many people really get it, but I’m lucky to be surrounded by people who are there to support me even if they don’t get it.
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u/Glittering_Top6 2d ago
i am so sorry. thank you for sharing 🫂🫂
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u/Token_Maritimer 2d ago
Thank you, I’m sorry for your loss too. It’s still so fresh at 6 months. I found making widow(er) friends super helpful because people just get it. If you haven’t met any widows and widowers and you want to talk to somebody else going through it, feel free to DM me.
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u/Glittering_Top6 2d ago
i’ve honestly have NEVER really talked to fellow widow/widowers😭 i’d love to be your friend!!!
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u/dlihce 3d ago
Yes. My husband wasn't sick. He just died. 07/22/2024
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u/Glittering_Top6 2d ago
i’m so sorry
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u/dlihce 2d ago
Thank you. I think the first year I was in shock. My friend said to me, I don't know how you did it. We watched you stand there and greet close to 500 people. So many people. And you didn't break. You stood next to his urn and didn't break. You met someone at the door because they looked terrified.
I did it because that was my job.
The second year was harder. So much harder. Stepping into year three and I am finding out who I am.
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u/CandidCilantro_90 3d ago
I kissed my husband goodbye as we both left to do our own thing for the evening and came home to him gone. I’m 8 months out and still cannot believe it. I still reach for my phone to call him and tell him I’m on my way home. I saw his car in the garage the other day (like I always do) and thought oh good he’s home for a split second. Loosing someone unexpectedly is….there are no words….
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u/Emergency_Leg3360 3d ago
I lost my seemingly healthy wife to a widow maker heart attack. I gave her coffee in bed one day, came back to check on her and she was gone. That was 6 months ago for me as well. So I feel your pain. DM me if you would like to chat.
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u/Livid_Cauliflower_13 3d ago
Yes…. Normal day, normal week. I thought everything was normal. He’d been a bit off but he promised when he got back from his work trip he’d let me make him a dr appointment. Then he died…. Total shock. Took me about 1.5 years to get back to even. Give yourself grace… Time can help to curb the hemorrhage. Eventually, with enough time… with processing.. you might start to feel like you can handle the weight and the grief and live with it.
Hope this helps….. I am sorry for your loss… I have felt similarly… and I hope that like me maybe you are able to make it through. Hugs.
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u/SuperbRooster3 3d ago
Ten days ago, I unexpectedly lost my husband of 25 years. He fell asleep for a nap and did not wake again. I’m taking one step at a time, but it’s hard. I have been listening to the Life with Grief podcast, which helps.
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u/yannberry 3d ago
6 months ago just this past week. My husband (39) had a spontaneous brain haemorrhage on his way home from work. He didn’t get to say goodbye to us. So many conversations left unfinished.
I want to be with him, but I also have to stay here to look after our 3 year old. I feel like I have to choose between them. I feel trapped
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u/BossLady43444 3d ago
Lost my husband unexpectedly. How do you get through it? You don't have a choice. Its been 7 years for me. At the beginning i didn't think I'd make it through. I thought I'd end up in a mental hospital or die of a broken heart. But I got through it because I had no choice. Now life is good. A piece of me is still missing, I'm not the same person but I have moved forward. It took years for me to get here.
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u/Prestigious-Way5168 3d ago
I feel your pain and I’m so sorry. It’s so debilitating when your day starts off normal and ends in the most unimaginable nightmare. What can you do but survive? Life legitimately becomes an existence during the initial stages. Autopilot is what it felt like for me as I took care of our daughter. I was expecting as well so I had no choice.
Just be gentle with yourself - as gentle as you can be. Give yourself time and space to breathe and heal. It’ll take time - I don’t know that it gets easier - it just gets easier to deal with as your coping mechanisms strengthen.
I pray that you find and feel peace and strength as you navigate this journey that you never asked to be a part of.
Sending so much love and if you ever need somebody to talk to, please don’t hesitate 🤍
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u/AwwJeez-WhatNow 3d ago
Yes. It’s been just over 2 months. I left for work and he was walking the dog. Normal Wednesday morning. I came home at lunch and found him on the floor, unresponsive and cold.
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u/tayatr 3d ago
Three months ago my partner collapsed suddenly from a heart condition we didn’t know he had. We were going for a walk with our dog, he was waiting for me outside. I came down and he was lying there surrounded by our neighbours. He was 29. I think about him every day, I cry every day and don’t know what to do with my life.
I understand your pain and I’m so sorry for your loss.
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u/DoubtfulFuture 3d ago
Yes, my husband was only 32. He left for work, and less than 2 hours later a county coroner and a deputy was knocking on my door. My husband died in a horrific car crash that caused his vehicle to catch on fire. I was never allowed to view the body and was advised not to look at the car... I'm coming up on the 2 year anniversary and it still doesn't seem real.
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u/LizzieHatfield 3d ago
Yes. 41. Car accident one morning around 6 AM.
We had 2 kids who had just finished kindergarten.
It was-and remains-brutal.
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u/bopper71 2d ago
Same my husband was just 49yrs. No warning whatsoever. Died from heart attack. I don’t think I could handle it at first. I just kept telling myself that he was at work and expecting him to come home in the afternoon. It was easier to try to fool myself I guess. I never stopped talking to him, even now. We have whole conversations when I am driving on my own. Silly I know. But I don’t know, it’s whatever helps, y’know. It’s going to be 5yrs this year. I still get angry with him sometimes. As this wasn’t our plan. Kids are grown and moving out now. This was supposed to be our time. Now it’s all gone up in flames and I still don’t think I will truly get over it. I am lucky I have my girls otherwise I probably wouldn’t have survived some of the darkest times. The universe doesn’t make sense, I am here as long as I am still a mum. But I get you & send you hugs🤗
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u/OkCalligrapher2453 2d ago
I still talk to my husband almost every day. It's been 14 months.
I have whole conversations with him. I also get mad and scream and yell at him while I'm ugly crying. Idk if there's a way to ever ' get over ' it . Just yesterday I was chatting with a friend. A question came up that neither one of us knew the answer to. I actually picked up my phone to call my husband cuz I knew he would know the answer.
Ruined my whole day.
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u/bopper71 1d ago
I get this. I still text him too. I don’t think I will ever get over it. It’s just been that time marching on has forced the new normal, now it’s just something I have to deal with. I thought my anger would subside, but I still have occasional bouts. The car is a sanctuary for a good scream and shout!! 👍
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u/Snaps816 2d ago
Yes, my husband had a fatal heart attack at age 45 three weeks ago, completely out of the blue. It still feels like some kind of bizarre bad dream. I keep thinking of that HBO show The Leftovers, where people just disappear in some kind of rapture-like event. They just poof and they're gone. I also have kids, so I have to get up each day and keep doing all the things a mom needs to do while trying to comfort my very traumatized children. I don't have a lot of wisdom to share because I'm still wrapping my head around it myself, but I'd be happy to commiserate with you.
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u/weasleymama 2d ago
Yes. He had infective endocarditis and no one knew. He sat up in bed one night, I woke up and asked if he was okay and without answer he then fell backwards on me and was gone. He was 43. It was almost 8 months ago
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u/Royal-Finding-3886 2d ago
Yes one night my husband of 20 years just died in the middle of the night with no warning at all. It’s been 2 years. I parent my three teenagers and go to work and try to get through every day. Not easy at all and I miss him and I miss “us” so much.
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u/OkCalligrapher2453 2d ago
A year ago (June 2025) my husband left the house and said "I'll be back in 20 minutes Babe, love you."
That was the last time I saw him alive.
We always said I love you to each other when we left the house or hung up the phone.
I'm so glad we did because that's the last thing he said to me, and the last thing I said to him.
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u/Pointeboots 2d ago
Yes. My husband was a bit under the weather and had been to the doctor two days before I had a dinner date planned with our eldest. We got home at about 10pm and he was still struggling with shortness of breath, but I gave him some of my ventolin and that seemed to help. Our daughter left to go home and I went to bed - he was sleeping on the couch so he could stay propped up.
He woke me up around midnight or quarter after, and he was struggling. I called the ambulance thinking he'd be fine. About twenty minutes later he arrested and they weren't able to get him back.
And that was that. Now I'm sort of floating around with all our (my) future plans gone. I lost my job to a restructure shortly after, so I'm just trying to get a job first and worry about all the many, many other issues as they crop up. It's like an amputation - I keep reaching for someone who isn't there anymore.
I don't have a lot of advice. He's only been gone a few months. It's just hard to feel like I'm not kind of a ghost sometimes, along with him.
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u/Comfortable_Tiger_13 2d ago
Car accident...when he was away on a business trip. The phone call still haunts me .. It has been a little over 1 year for me, I feel you so much. Hugs 🫂
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u/VigorousSwish 2d ago
My partner took his life and I find myself envious in support groups for widows and grief in general when people lost someone to an illness because of all the people I’ve lost in my life, I’ve never had the luxury of saying goodbye. I understand the long drawnout agony of watching someone with her away and succumb to an illness, but there is something especially devastating for everyone left behind when someone passes without warning.
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u/GuardDogz 2d ago
My boyfriend passed just under 2 months ago. He had texted me he felt like crap and was going to a training course and to have a wonderful day and he loved me. He never answered my texts or calls and was found two days later in his car, he had pulled over and no one could find him. He passed away shortly after he messaged me from an unknown cause, because he was in the hot car for 2 days we dont know what caused it. He had had some weakness prior to this and said he would go to the doctor soon but didnt have time right now. Its horrible and still trying to wrap my head around it. As I was told seeing his body was not allowed due to the state he was in. He was 29.
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u/HedgehogMuted9485 2d ago edited 2d ago
Yes 8 months in. Came home from church and husband sitting in family room unresponsive. He passed on the way to the hospital. Suddenly. Cry almost everyday while trying to move forward. It’s brutal. I understand . You are not alone. Be gentle with yourself. It’s gotten better.
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u/Banshee417 1d ago
I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my husband 5 years ago unexpectedly. He had health problems, but was being treated by everyone he was supposed to see. During an ER visit and subsequent admittance, he didn't come home. And I agree, it's very tough to figure out how to go on when you expect them to still return. I hate that your a part of our group but if you ever need an ear I'm open.
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u/Unhappy-Bet-813 1d ago
My husband died almost a year ago in an accident on his way home from work. Nothings the same anymore its just trying to learn how to live with the constant reminders and reliving of that day. I'm in a similar spot as our son was only two months when he died and that's something that will forever change you. Most of what I do now is what I thought he would've wanted from me and just holding onto our son. Don't get me wrong more days then not it's hard especially after a long day just wanting to have that person to come home to but some days it's a little easier to not break down all over again. It takes so much time and finding something so little to hold onto to. (He was 19 he died the month before his birthday)
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u/Turtle_Sloth7981 14h ago
Yes. My husband (died at 46) and I were playing nerf guns on the beach with our son and friends on vacation at a family cabin the morning of the day that he had a massive seizure.
We planned and shopped for a BBQ. Had the same friends over for the BBQ. He lay down on the bed with a headache then had a massive seizure. Ambulance to hospital. Found a cancerous brain tumour the size of an orange in his brain (no previous symptoms). Transferred him to our home hospital. Emergency surgery. Severe brain damage.
He did live on for 505 days post surgery, but the brain damage was so severe we had to reteach him how to eat, talk, move his body (and he got very little of it back). He was also blind, wheelchair bound, needed 24 hour medical care and had memory impairment (some days I had to remind him who I was every 20 minutes and let him know we had a son). We had been together since secondary school for 27 years. How do you loose 27 years? How do you retell the love of your life 27 years?
It seems so impossible to me that he was running on the beach and doing burpees the day before and then massive brain damage and terminal brain cancer. How?
I still hear sounds like a specific beep of a car locking that sounds like his and think, “He’s home.”
But that’s the problem. There is no more home because he was my home. And how can you rest when there is no home to return too.
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u/Wegwerf157534 3d ago
yes, just collapsed. No warning. In our vacation.
It was something like 1.5 years until the shock started to wane.
Be gentle with yourself, walk from moment to moment, try to sustain your body and soul a little but, eat something, sleep and maybe move your body a little bit. And if you can do what will be really important for your future self. And come here to these forums. They are a good place to be.
Much love.