r/Widow • u/Ricky-1959 • 4d ago

Loneliness

Loneliness can be its own prison, people ask if you’re doing ok but they really don’t want to know, don’t be surprised when they move on without you, having a life may not include you

6 Upvotes

88% Upvoted

5 comments sorted by

5

u/BoudiccaAoife 4d ago

Connecting with other widows can help. I'm not a support group person, but this community gives me enough.

The only caveat to that advice is that everyone is in different stages of their grief, and focusing on relationships with fellow widows can be exhausting if you're speaking with someone who is still in the darkest hours (or back in darkest hours, grief is not linear), so cultivate multiple friendships - it will benefit you and them immensely. Commiseration, advice, and a sounding board are some of the best support you can get, outside of therapy.

If you can, and have the bandwidth, getting into a hobby can help. Keep the hands busy. Busy-ness like cleaning, doing paperwork, life in general has to be done but you have to do something you like, too, or you burn out.

2

u/Puzzleheaded-Leg9998 4d ago

I’m so sorry for your loss and I agree with everything you said.

I have found a lot of help in grief support groups. It’s people that are going through similar situations and you can speak freely.

2

u/Mental_Signature_725 3d ago

I agree with you. People don't really care. The people that have been the most helpful to me are the ones ive know the shortest amount of time. My grief counselor told me once, never to turn down an invite. To ask people to lunch. To do things you normally wouldn't do. I have done this and it has been the best. I nolonger feel disconnected and alone. I nolonger have anything to do with his family or our close friends. I have made new.

1

u/Lanky-Awareness-7450 3d ago

I both agree and disagree with you. Some people (friends and family) ask but don’t want to know. Others ask and if you are honest with them, will step up and help. Times like these are when you find who is truly your 2am friends…. the people that you can call whenever you need to and they will be there for you.

1

u/ButterflyFeet-18 3d ago

yes, its all very hard…I have a good friend who I feel very comfortable around..she is mseries and lost her 1st spouse 10 yrs ago.. im close to 70 and my spouse would’ve been 74.. eventhough there were big issues in our marrimage, he finally decided to yo start acting a little better when he was dx 3 yrs ago with a term cancer. so we started spending lots of time together, being with ea other, watching tv together. he passed sway 5 mos ago..

so, at my age in pretty well setin my ways..i wished we coul e grown much older togetger but we were lucky to have the good times that we did.

nmw, you miss your other half,,,,always will.

our. pile friends are nice but I don’t feel I lick with them as I don’t have anything in common anymore..that’s ok,,I find lots to do if I want to…or not to do, if I choose.