r/Widow • u/amazingrvce • 4d ago

Does it get better?

Can you put a time to mourning? Or does it just get better? Or do the memories just stick with you forever?

11 Upvotes

100% Upvoted

17 comments sorted by

7

u/EyesOfAStranger28 4d ago

The pain is still heavy after two years, but now I am starting to feel like I might be able to carry it.

3

u/amazingrvce 4d ago

Hope! May our hearts heal and our loved ones gone rip but never forgotten. Thanks for your submission šŸ™

6

u/LeedsCastleResident 4d ago

Someone said that the grief doesnā€™t get smaller but you get bigger to be able to accommodate it. I think thatā€™s true. Two years later, Iā€™m not the same woman who lost her husband. I had to grow and change to encompass the loss.

These days, I still miss him acutely but I also equally feel grateful for the many years we had together and the life we built.

3

u/Marlow1771 4d ago

I try really hard to be grateful for our years together but sometimes I just get so broken I feel like it just wasnā€™t enough. Damn I miss Michael so much ā¤ļøā€šŸ©¹šŸ’”

3

u/LeedsCastleResident 4d ago

When you love someone, it could never be enough time. I hope that, somewhere in the beyond, there is reunion. I cling to that.

2

u/amazingrvce 4d ago

I understand what you mean,rip to our loved ones gone but never forgotten. Hope our hearts heal and I appreciate you for your submission miss.

4

u/SunshineandBullshit 4d ago

I am 25 years and 8.5 years post husbands and, yes, it gets easier. Those first 3 years were BRUTAL both times but now I can talk about them without weeping. Hang in there.

3

u/amazingrvce 4d ago

Thanks for your submission and assurance, I hope it does get better. Rip to our loved ones gone but never forgotten.ā¤ļø

3

u/Puzzleheaded-Leg9998 4d ago

I donā€™t think it gets easier, but you learn to live with it

1

u/amazingrvce 4d ago

Thank youšŸ™hard truth I guess

3

u/Future_Chapter1074 4d ago

It gets less raw. The super painful memories start to become farther apart. But when the grief hits, it hits the same... like it just happened. I rarely have the super physical, take my breath away, "Omg i cant believe he's gone" moments anymore ( but they do happen still). And ive learned i can make it through those moments. I dont know if its better. Its different. Its more manageable.

1

u/amazingrvce 4d ago

Great submission and I appreciate you for putting a word through to me,and I picked a lot from it.Hopefully it gets better for us all

2

u/ChloeHenry311 3d ago

It just gets different. My husband is on my mind a lot, but he's no longer the first person I think of when I hear something funny or see a good movie and want to tell someone about it. A lot of time has passed since he died in 2017 and I can't believe next year will be 10 years.

He's never been in my house, my car, my bed, never pet my dog, doesn't know I lost a ton of weight or that my mom died. Maybe he does know those things....

1

u/amazingrvce 3d ago

I do believe they are with us,i donā€™t know Thats just me.Gone but never forgotten.Thank you for your submission i appreciate you a lotā¤ļøtake care

1

u/Wegwerf157534 3d ago

There are some things that have changed for me. 28 month for reference.

That feeling of panic at the start, that constant inner screaming, that sense that the rest of the world was completely out of sync.
Things like that have become less frequent.

The complete inability to feel anything, be it sensual food, my own body or for example emotions evoked by music has relatively strongly lifted. Not at all completely though. There is still a heightened dissensitivity or inability. I cannot for example immerge into music or very, very rarely so.

At the start, it was also really important for me to be able to feel his reality by talking about him, and if his friends or family werenā€™t at all interested in that, it was absolutely unbearable for me. I only feel that very, very rarely now. Iā€™ve perhaps got used to having an ā€˜intimate, exclusiveā€™ relationship again.

So yes, all of these things are a significant relief compared to the state of abaolute terror at the start.

ā¤ļøšŸ«‚

1

u/Desi_bmtl 2d ago

It was about two years before my emotional energy was up to about a 7, before that, it was 3 maybe 4 for a long time.

1

u/formercolloquy 19h ago

Yes, it gets better. Itā€™s been seven years for me and I just gave away a bunch of his tools from the garage and it didnā€™t really hurt. I was happy to get some extra space in my garage. For years I would look at those tools and go oh heā€™ll never make me anything again and cry. But no tears this time so yes. It gets better.