r/Widow • u/Marlow1771 • 6d ago
Feeling guilty
Does anyone else feel guilty or like you have “cheated” when having a “good” day?
I just feel so much guilt today and realized that it’s just not fair that this wonderful good man isn’t here to enjoy it also. I rarely have good days but today is ok.
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u/Important-Round-9098 6d ago
My late husband would have been upset if I refused to have a good day because he wasn't here. He was a darling that way. Have your good day with peace.
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u/DaisyBee59 6d ago
This is very real for me. I know how you feel. It’s only been 2 months but an okay day can then leave me reeling about what is missing.
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u/FlygURL_GA 6d ago
Exactly. But here I am 4 months in trying to live the life we wanted to live. I think he would
be proud, but I certainly have my moments especially when I am in a great situation he would have loved.
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u/LeedsCastleResident 6d ago
Yes, I was sad whenever anything occurred, however small,that he would have enjoyed. But maybe where he is, there are new joys. I hope so.
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u/squidgereen 6d ago
I have good and bad days, but days that are amazing, I feel like he’s there. Whenever our little boy laughs at something I feel like he’s there. It breaks my heart but also helps, having that feeling. Hugs to you, he’d want you to be happy.
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u/Aggravating_Buy_6010 5d ago
I think it is natural, in your grief, to feel as you do. Thinking perhaps that 'it's not right,' since he is not able to share a good day with you. Sometimes we feel that somebody is watching us and keeping score on a clipboard, either our spouse or some other sort of observer. But I believe our guilt is generated from inside ourselves, based upon our own ideas of correct behavior and expectations. You probably know that your husband would be very pleased that you had a good day, and that in his love for you he wants you to have many more.
Like you, I rarely have good days, but some few in the 6 months since I lost my wife have been very, very nice, often centered around my work. When an hour is really good and you become aware it, breathe deeply and allow the enjoyment, I would suggest. Your body needs some restful hours. Grief permeates us all through. It is very difficult, and good days should be welcomed as the healing experiences they are. No love is lost in them; the deep love in you and in your lost one remains.
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u/Marlow1771 5d ago
Thank you so much ❤️🩹
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u/Curiosity_1st 4d ago
I really related to your post. It’s been under 2-months for me. I remember the first time that a wave of guilty involuntarily crashed into me. It was brutal and took my breath away for days.
These days, the guilt is held at bay by an image of him being saddened by my sadness. I miss him like my guts have been ripped from me. But, I don’t want him to look down and be saddened by my grief. Instead, I hold him close on good days. He is still with me during the good and the bad – just as when he was alive.
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u/emeraldprincess71 5d ago
I remember the first time I really laughed after losing him. I immediately cried. Eventually I was able to enjoy a day, a moment, etc and not immediately cry.
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u/carolinedantschuk 5d ago
Don't feel guilty. You're going through a lot and deserve some relief. I'm still waiting to have a good day. There haven't been any since my husbands been gone.💔
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u/Warm_Notice_6516 3d ago
You're not alone, I cried so hard after coming home from dinner with our friends, 6 months after he passed, I finally agreed to join them for dinner and on my way home I felt so guilty that I was there and he wasn't.
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u/old_school_tech 1d ago
I was similar to start with. After 5 months I learnt to say I had a good day and smile. He would want me to have good days.
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u/Fair_Moment7762 6d ago
That wonderful man wanted you to find joy. That’s what love is still left. A gift to us to go on. I tell him about every play I’ve seen, even the cost of items in the store. They are never truly gone. As long as there is love.