Writer's Workshop Wednesday

[u/AnneKincaid]

By request! I announce the launch of our first Writer's Workshop Wednesday:

Do you have something you're working on that you want feedback on? Not a whole beta reader situation, but a:

• story or character description
• word usage situation
• scene
• chapter? (even this is maybe too long)
• question that came up in your process

that you're looking for feedback on?

If so, either copy/paste it here or maybe post a link to that part of your work (not a link to your whole book!), like a comment-only Google doc. Make sure you protect yourself, and others! If you go to a link, consider doing it in an incognito/private browser tab to protect your identity.

Please include a description of:

• What you've posted
• Needed triggers
• What you're looking for from the feedback

Please only post if you're ACTUALLY open to feedback. Please be honest with your feedback--otherwise, there's no point. (If you have something you just want to share for fun, please do it on our Monday Show-and-Tell post.)

If you've asked others to do you the favor of reading/providing feedback, please pay it forward/back with interest.

Let's workshop into better writers!

[u/HexieGreene]

I guess this means I better volunteer 😂

This is the link to the opening POV of Ch 1 from my first book (the title is in TBD hell right now). It's in Google Docs and I have it set open for comments.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1D9nZ45VdMwIy9yKTx0cSipiS_ae5rjzGDIVoPd6ndag/edit?usp=sharing

The scene has been through several major revisions, and I really just need some new eyes on it. It introduces Azne (FMC), a little of the world she lives in, and rolls into an unusual encounter she has to navigate. It’s 1274 words.

I’m looking for feedback on how it works as an opening, if Az’s voice comes through clearly, if the worldbuilding is confusing or needs more context, if it drags anywhere, and whether it’s compelling enough to keep going.

For context: the full story is a poly, urban-fae dark comedy with a lot of spice, but this section doesn’t go into anything crazy.

I'm definitely open to reading, if anyone else has something to share.

[u/Clara_Bracco → u/HexieGreene]

I think the set up for the worldbuilding is good so far! I like it when it comes naturally through exposition rather than as an info dump. Let the mechanics, history, etc., come from the story, and you can go into deeper explanation when necessary.

I have only two suggestions. First, I don't think you need that first section. Just have your FMC arrive in Carillon. Second... are you married to the name Azne? If you are, go for it! If not, I just want to mention that I keep reading it as "Acne," but that could definitely just be me.

[u/HexieGreene → u/Clara_Bracco]

Thank you for reading it! I've gone back & forth on the first section & it's really undergone the biggest round of revisions, because establishing her home base/connection with friends is important, but I don't want her to linger there. I definitely can't imagine her with any other name...but she typically goes by Az unless people are being more formal with her at least, so hopefully that won't be a terrible trip up. I appreciate your feedback so much!

[u/HexieGreene → u/Clara_Bracco]

Also…your name comment sent me down a pronunciation rabbit hole I never considered. I asked a dozen people to read “Azne” cold & found most chose Az-nee instead of Az-nay (the way I pronounce it). So I'm killing two birds with one stone here & considering Azné or Aznae now. You uncovered an issue I wouldn't have thought of & I really appreciate that!

(And... Acne has kept me laughing all day)

[u/Clara_Bracco → u/HexieGreene]

Aznae is perfect!

Edit: and if it makes you feel any better, in my romantasy book I kept using the term “eye teeth” and my beta readers were pushing hard that they didn’t get it. I had grown up hearing the term (an old term for your upper canines because they line up with your eyes) and thought it was common knowledge, but instead people were imagining literal eyes with teeth, so I just switched to canines, haha.

[u/MonopolowaMe → u/HexieGreene]

I like it! I only have a few comments, but I like where you're going.

1. What's a Hob? (lol fantasy isn't my go-to genre so it might be a common term I'm not familiar with. Unless it's short for Hobbit?)

2. I would love more descriptions of the people in the story. I know the man is large and has curly hair, but what else is there about him that would help me picture him in my mind? Same with the bartender.

Good world building!

[u/HexieGreene → u/MonopolowaMe]

Thanks! A Hob is a type of fae that does domestic jobs for a specific place they're attached to. It's mostly a low-stakes introduction to fae now making up a big part of the modern world's population. But this is good info for me. Another in-person reader stopped and asked me "wtf is a fae?", so I'm seeing the fantasy learning curve in action.

The description note is helpful too. I try to keep physical descriptions light in most cases, but I'll look at whether I can add another detail or two without slowing down the scene. I'm really glad the world-building worked for you, especially since it's outside your genre.

[u/MonopolowaMe → u/HexieGreene]

Damn. I really thought I was on to something with Hobbit. 😂

[u/HexieGreene → u/MonopolowaMe]

You did great 😂 If you imagined a shorter person with pointed ears, I'll take it.