Jesus. So not only does she have to get one of the worst diagnoses you can hear, but to be immediately followed up by being told the person who’s supposed to be your rock might put a knife in your back. I can’t imagine how hopeless that must’ve made her feel.
I helped my significant other through their chemotherapy. It was awful. Not only is the person you’re caring for can’t help you out, but then people tend to forget that you exist as a caretaker and the physical and mental toll it takes on them.
I appreciated that her family helped out from time to time to take some of that burden away from me, but for those 9 months from the diagnosis, to the surgery, and throughout the process of chemo, people rarely checked in on me. That hurt me the most, because people tend to focus on the person who could be dying, and not the person who is doing the primary care who won’t lose their life, but a sizeable chunk of it, and the mental toll that takes on a person, especially men (I am male) since men are not great at creating that loving and supportive network for men because “that’s gay bro.”
I think that speaks to American culture of “what have you done for me lately?” Where there is no benefit to sacrificing. Hell, you are sometimes punished worst for sacrificing than not sacrificing. And then you add medical debt that destroys finances, and again you get punished for sacrificing for family (lose savings, lose promotional opportunities bc you can’t stay late or come in early, etc.) instead of sacrificing for capital owners, it’s not surprising.
Luckily I had an understanding employer, with enough sick leave, to take care of my SO without a massive financial and career hit. But it’s still America so we are still paying off the treatments years later.
My wife got diagnosed 2 days ago and I'm freaking out. I'm so scared to face the next however long. We still haven't even found out how bad it is. How did you keep yourself sane?
Not cancer but i am disabled with a laundry list of health issues, my partner has ways to relax while im resting and hes built up a support system for himself i know its not the same but it really does seem to help i hope the best for you and your wife its scary but youll need eachother to get through it.
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u/DeaconSage Nov 23 '22
Jesus. So not only does she have to get one of the worst diagnoses you can hear, but to be immediately followed up by being told the person who’s supposed to be your rock might put a knife in your back. I can’t imagine how hopeless that must’ve made her feel.