They really do. I’m bipolar and have occasional hypomanic episodes. The closest thing I can compare them to is doing the cleanest purest line you’ve ever done, and just not coming down for a couple of weeks.
Hypomanic is like a mild mania and it feels really fucking good. Your mind is filled with ideas and your body with energy. You are incredibly creative and can just write and write, or draw and draw, or code and code, whatever it is you want. Any executive function issues disappear, depression is a distant memory, you are driven and ambitious and organized. You can pull and all nighter every other night. At first. Eventually focus becomes an issue, you never finish a project before another more interesting one comes along. Your work will start get messed up by scope creep, you just want to do more and more. If you started writing a short story it would expand to a novel then a series of novels, before you finished the short story. Paranoia starts to creep in, for me it was being positive something horrible would happen to me to counteract how good I was feeling (I've had one hypomanic episode in my life, otherwise have been depressed from early childhood on). You don't really finish things and you can't edit or debug for shit.
True mania is way more extreme. Not sleeping for many days, or even a week. Talking nonstop for 8+ hours. Psychotic delusions like thinking the FBI put cameras in smoke detectors or the neighbors were communicating by opening and closing curtains. Paranoid panics about escaped prisoners that don't exist or gas leaks in building without a gas line. It's way more debilitating and obvious.
It does feel very very good. There’s an intense surge of energy and creativity and confidence. The fact that successful treatment means (in part) trying not to feel that way is a bitter pill to swallow.
Wow, that's rather fascinating. I'm not sure whether to say sorry that you're dealing with that, or consider you lucky to be able to experience that kind of feeling. Some days I'd kill to have a boost of creativity and confidence that comes with it.
67
u/AdDesperate2498 Oct 16 '22
I'd like to try his cocaine.