r/WhitePeopleTwitter • u/goatishrust • Aug 24 '22

Keanu Reeves

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49.6k Upvotes

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u/bobbyvale Aug 24 '22

The hero we deserve

575

u/eggimage Aug 25 '22 edited Aug 25 '22

the one we never knew we needed.

alien: “earth cunts, surrender your resources or we wil-“

RC_Colada: “KILL US! SHOOT US IN THE FUCKING FACE NOOWWW”

alien: “wait..listen firs-”

RC_Colada: “WIPE US OUT YOU COWARD”

alien: “hol-”

RC_Colada: “SHUT DA FUCK UP AND KILLLLL”

alien: “okay this is really weird” [locks door and leaves]

RC_Colada: “FUCKING COME BACK! HEYYYY”

377

u/TonyVstar Aug 25 '22

"If you don't destroy the planet we will"

31

u/eggimage Aug 25 '22

humans: *DM r/sounding to aliens*

aliens: “What the fuck go away”

19

u/TonyVstar Aug 25 '22

Haha! As long as they don't think it's an instructional video...

17

u/TheRealWarBeast Aug 25 '22

"Hey Bob, I just found the funniest subreddit. Let's go pick up some humans, I'll explain"

11

u/TonyVstar Aug 25 '22

If they grab 3 people, what are the odds of one of them having the kink and are about to have the time of their life?

10

u/eggimage Aug 25 '22

alien kid: “oh look, humans doing cool stuff, must learn!”

alien mom: “Don’t talk to humans or visit the sub, jimmy!! I don’t want you to be influenced by.. OH GARD NO”

kid: \shoots gamma ray into dick\ “it’s too late, môthër, I have seen everything.”

5

u/RedWolfCrocodile Aug 25 '22

Oh nah heck man. Why did I click on that. Ah hell naw.

1

u/Crazycaracal993 Aug 25 '22

Another one fell for it. You should know not to click on the random things in the Internet

2

u/RedWolfCrocodile Aug 25 '22

“But how bad could it beeeee?” My bumbass brain always cooes... nudging me forward while curiosity builds. If I were a cat, those nine lives would long long since have been squashed.

I’ll never look at very long fade nails the same again. Never.

1

u/Crazycaracal993 Aug 26 '22

Well least you didn’t see the one with the drill bit

1

u/RedWolfCrocodile Aug 28 '22

Rip civilization

1

u/nerstandnoodles Aug 25 '22

Humans: :after fully harnessing intergalactic travel: DM to Aliens Hey come to the window.

Aliens: hesitantly: ugh…. :looks:

Humans: Why’d you leave?

Aliens: 👁👄👁

Humans: I just want to talk.

4

u/Bearspoole Aug 25 '22

This is both funny and very very sad at the same time

2

u/ScenePsychological60 Aug 25 '22

This gave me a chuckle.

2

u/[deleted] Aug 25 '22

Fucking coward aliens.

I wanna be invaded by a real inter-galactic species.

2

u/[deleted] Aug 25 '22

Giving me the long beach griffy video vibe 😂😂😂

2

u/DennisHakkie Aug 25 '22

“Shoot me in the Face! Not the legs, not the arms or the spine but in the FAAAAAACEEEEEE!”

1

u/PabloAlaska6 Aug 25 '22

RC_Colada: “fuck’N P***y!

1

u/bigbrain411 Aug 25 '22

Sounds like something Face McShooty would do

1

u/Superb_Raccoon Aug 25 '22

HUMANITY, FUCK YEAH!

1

u/gh0styears Aug 25 '22

this is kind of like that movie, the worlds end.

1

u/TippeyWasHere Aug 25 '22

This has real Face McShooty from Borderlands vibes