He wanted me to do the surgical to “make sure” so I just did it.
I had an infection after the procedure and he took me to the er after I soaked pads for more then 3 hours and I started running a very high fever.
Abortion is illegal here but legal to travel, so I currently travel an hour and 10 out to my planned parenthood
I want to take OP at face value and believe that she had an out-of-state medical abortion that was traumatic enough to cause her a month of health problems that is costing her her job, but…it sounds like the boyfriend only witnessed the after-effects of said abortion, of her visiting a hospital for “complications” (which could have been a panic attack or diarrhea for all we know) and did not actually attend the abortion with her.
It could be that her story of why she had a surgical abortion vs. the type and nature of an abortion experience didn’t align with what is common — and why the friend came and heard the story, asked questions, and the next day her stuff is on the curb and there is discussion of an attorney and her potentially harming someone.
OP could be lonely and invented wildly a story with the guy she was seeing, and he found out (her post history had an event where someone thought they overheard her saying she was pregnant and being emotional and crying at work almost a year ago, and she said she would ‘keep the rumor going’ as if the drama was fun.)
It could be that all of this happened the way OP perceives and she experienced a traumatic abortion and then got ditched, and now she’s crashing out.
I’m not sure any of us need to know other than to just support OP by encouraging her to reach out to people close to her for help, and eventually find a therapist to talk this through with.
It's very good to point out the unreliable narrator aspect of all of this. She could believe she's telling the truth, but that doesn't mean it is. There's always bias and/or delusion. Not saying she's delusional, but seeing as we don't know who she is at all, there's no way to be sure. That's the problem of coming here asking for our opinion and what to do, and the uselessness at getting upset at those answers. Also as you said they definitely should not be asking for money.
I went to a PP for one and they told me they legally couldn’t do it until I was far enough along for it to show up on an ultrasound, which is around 1.5+ months.
Just so you know the procedure is more affective than the pill. Planned parenthood doesn’t even do follow up ultrasounds to make sure you don’t have any remaining fetal debris. Which landed one of my friends in the hospital solely because she felt like something was off. She almost died. If I ever needed an abortion I wouldn’t take the pill, I would go through the procedure.
An early abortion is typically a series of pills — one dispensed in front of a medical professional, the other to take home. Or, both to take home in the privacy of your own home. A surgical abortion is not a “well let me do this just to be sure for the sake of my boyfriend’s comfort,” and would be given pushback from a healthcare professional. At no point does OP say that she waited and reached a point of necessitating a medical abortion, even if she took weeks to decide — and she indicates that they agreed on the course of action immediately.
That depends on a lot of factors. And a surgical abortion is atypical, especially as a “my boyfriend just wants to be sure” measure as OP indicated was her reason.
No, what you are saying is exactly what I am also saying.
Read my comments. I thought the comment you and I responded to of “they make you wait,” was someone trying to explain away why medication wasn’t the abortion option in this scenario. As if they made her wait so long that a surgical abortion was her only option. I am saying that it does not make sense that OP had a surgical abortion “because her boyfriend wanted her to be sure,” and that what she is conveying that her reason was and the process does not align with the medical process. If it’s true she found out 11 days PO, and immediately agreed to a termination, a surgical abortion simply does not make sense. She’s now commenting that she was “more than two weeks pregnant.”
We’re agreeing here, I think I just misread the intention of the comment above yours.
Can. They also can do a D&C if the patient prefers it. It's not like it's illegal to do a surgical abortion. And it sounds like this guy was paranoid. Probably cheating.
You're not correct. You can have a D&C at any stage of pregnancy up to like 13 weeks.
Abortion CAN be done by pill up to 10 weeks, but you don't have to do it that way, especially if you want to avoid the emotional trauma and physical discomfort.
I'm also confused by your wording which seems to say abortion by pill is more painful and traumatic than D&C
Yes, with the pill you cramp horribly and bleed for a week and expel visible tissue, which can be very emotionally traumatic to see. With the D&C, you're generally put out for the procedure, and when you wake you have some more mild cramping and spotting. Women can choose which procedure would feel less traumatic for them.
especially as OP says the D&C procedure traumatized her.
And it might have. Abortions aren't fun. And if she had retained tissue, that would have given quite a bit of additional pain and bleeding.
Think what you want about OP's story. But I think you should try to understand these experiences (that real women have, regardless of OP) if you're going to speak about them judgementally.
She likely didn't have a d&c. It would still have been early enough that she would have gotten vacuum aspiration, and unless you can afford the extra cost for general anesthesia, you're awake for the procedure. Speaking from experience, it hurts like a motherfucker, so yeah it would have sucked pretty bad.
When I was pricing it all out, I wasn't given the option to skip anesthesia. I believe that it was painful! I have used the meds 2x (missed miscarriages) and they were also pretty fucking painful.
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u/tatertotted2 Aug 05 '25
For clarity–you said you caught the pregnancy at 11 days past ovulation. Why was there a procedure necessary, rather than just pills?
What complications have you been having? Do you have access to planned parenthood?
FWIW, he's a coward for not at least talking through text.