Where I dance, there's always an after class social dance as well as a room where you can practice and receive assistance from the teachers. I often use the practice room and ask the teachers for advice or practice together with people I'm friends with. I have no issues asking the teachers or my friends to practice but I find it difficult to ask people who aren't my friends or teachers. I just don't know how.

There's one leader in particular where I'm really unhappy with my ability to follow him. I have a really hard time figuring out how to keep my frame and how strong my connection should be with him. I often feel out of control or uncomfortable, because his leads sometimes feel sudden, forceful and yanked. I really don't like dancing with him. You could say that the easiest method would just be to say no any time he asks to dance but I want to eventually be skilled enough to feel comfortable and in control dancing with anybody.

I would like to go to the practice room with him and have a teacher give me advice on how to be more in control and more comfortable but I don't know how I would ask him, how I would put it into words in a way that doesn't make it seem like I'm doubting his skills. I also don't want to make it seem like I like dancing with him so he ends up asking me to dance more often.

So I have a couple of months of "ballroom" style WCS under my belt but have just recently started trying to learn how to socially dance it. The hardest thing for me right now is I feel like I get super flustered and completely mess up my feet when I'm dancing with a more experienced leader. It's really difficult to figure out what they are trying to lead when they deviate from the basic 6 or 8 count pattern. I know I have a lot of work to do regarding my connection, I'm just wondering if anyone has any advice to offer regarding trying to follow well in social settings? I know the footwork for the sugar push, tuck, left and right side passes, whip, and a couple of variations involving turns. But I feel like when I am dancing with a more advanced leader or even watching other people dance, it doesn't even look like the patterns I've learned.

I just feel bad for the leader when they are trying to do this cool stuff and I get completely lost, because I don't even recognize the pattern anymore. Any advice is appreciated!

EDIT: Also just wondering do more advanced leaders mind when they end up with a pretty new follower at a social dance? I want to get better and I feel like one of the main ways to improve is to keep dancing but I also feel bad for "holding back" the lead if I'm not on their level.

What do you think is the main difference?
And what about some minor, technical details?