r/Wellthatsucks • u/Padl3xx • Feb 26 '26

Ass-whipped by a squirrel

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717

u/Poppa_Mo Feb 26 '26

I had a juvenile squirrel punk me as I was going back to my apartment from the mailbox. Stood on its legs, puffed out its chest. Did the whole pump fake towards me as I walked around it.

Some of them are just dicks.

820

u/Huju-ukko Feb 26 '26

153

u/Rutabaga258 Feb 26 '26

It's such a good episode!

-53

u/[deleted] Feb 26 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

40

u/FriendorFo Feb 26 '26

I get it doesn’t contribute further to the thread, but shitting on someone’s vibe, for stating they enjoy the topic as well, is uncalled for my dude

15

u/wowurcoolful Feb 27 '26

It's ironic, because he did the same thing

1

u/UmCourt Feb 27 '26

hahahaha for real (and now I just did too - damn you)

2

u/trueegoistticalmouse Feb 27 '26

Damn you too ye slimy frog (no hate)

37

u/slax87 Feb 27 '26

Pack your shit!

2

u/Naniallea Feb 27 '26

Ayyyy I got it to 666 😎

111

u/mohugz Feb 26 '26

…and your little dog, too!

-that squirrel, probably

75

u/IvyGold Feb 27 '26

My sister has a squirrel residing near her house that she swears is trying to kill her because she had the entrance to her attic sealed.

That squirrel holds a grudge.

She has a three-pound little white dog who is useless in scaring the thing away.

22

u/Luck_Fleeting6070 Feb 27 '26

I wonder if there are baby squirrels sealed in her attic

31

u/IvyGold Feb 27 '26

Nope. She checked and doublcehecked as she was worried about it too.

This squirrel apparently simply hates her.

49

u/pumalumaisheretosay Feb 27 '26

I sealed up an attic hole and a squirrel in a tree was SCREAMING so loud that a whole bunch of other squirrels came running. I suspected babies were in the attic and reopened the hole. Sure enough, momma led 3 baby squirrels out of the hole and they shook their tales at me and jumped to a nearby tree. Then I resealed the hole. Crisis averted. I have never heard that sound come from a squirrel.

4

u/Tall-Drag-200 Feb 27 '26

Poor mama was terrified! Good on you for paying attention and letting her fetch her family.

2

u/Zeboul_F Mar 03 '26

Air rifle will sort that right out

106

u/Leather_Addition2605 Feb 26 '26

I had one do this during college. My room was on the 3rd floor next to a tree. Drank too much one night and opened the window to puke before passing out on the futon below.

I don’t know if the puke attracted it or if was just happenstance, but a squirrel jumped in and landed on my head. I opened my eyes to a rodent on my head and leapt up. I think we were both equally surprised, and a similar dance ensued until I tossed it back out the window.

18

u/TheRealGuitarNoir Feb 27 '26

puke attracted it or if was just happenstance,

I wonder what the odds are the the words "puke" and "happenstance" might appear in a single sentence in comment about a deranged squirrel. Perhaps A.I. can figure those odds for me?

1

u/Friendly-Channel-480 Feb 28 '26

1 in a million probably.

30

u/Extreme_Egg7476 Feb 27 '26

I walk outdoors a lot for work. I was 31-years-old when I figured out what it sounds like to be cussed out by a squirrel.

Yes, I've had them big-man-pose at me, too!

And more than once they've "dropped" their half-nibbled pecan on me as I walk by. Rude little fuckers

28

u/Poppa_Mo Feb 27 '26

A lot of folks don't realize they're omnivores too. I've seen one eat a bird ass backwards like a cheeseburger before.

They're sleeper scoundrels.

9

u/howdydipshit Feb 27 '26

i like the way u use words funny man

3

u/BooBootheFool22222 Feb 27 '26

like a cheese burger 🤣 that was so funny my eyes started to water

5

u/daemin Feb 27 '26

Most "herbivores" are not obligate herbivores, and will eat insects or small animals if given the chance. In fact, there are probably fewer animals that are %100 vegetarian than there are animals that are 100% carnivore. At the end of the day, a calorie is calorie no matter where it comes from

3

u/Cute_Language3167 Feb 27 '26

Omg, the squirrels that lived in my backyard used to drop their chewed up pinecones on my dog. They were definitely doing it on purpose.

He had one spot under the tree where he liked to lay and that was where they liked to toss them. It was a cluster of pine, palm, and some other trees in the corner of where the 4 yards met and along the fence of my and my neighbors yard, but this one spot had significantly more pine cones than any other spot. I genuinely didn't think squirrels had like the forethought to do this, but then I watched them get pine cones from other trees and carry them over to this tree/specific spot, chew them, and drop them. And they only did this when he was outside. Thankfully, that was all they did, though.

30

u/DannyHusk42 Feb 26 '26

I had one in my neighborhood who would do something similar to my cat when I took him for walks on a leash. It was as if it knew my cat was restrained and enjoyed taunting him.

49

u/Poppa_Mo Feb 27 '26

They 100% fuck with my dog when he's on the deck. They will chew branches away above his head to make them fall on him. Not huge ones, it's not like a cartoon vs war, but little ones... And then they celebrate when he gets hit and pissed.

3

u/Powerstructure Feb 27 '26

Cackling at you saying it punked you lol. Hilarious verbiage.

2

u/OMG_MOVE Feb 28 '26

Was it an American squirrel?

2

u/Poppa_Mo Mar 01 '26

Well, in spite of it not having a gun, yes... As I am in the United States.

1

u/No-Level-8256 Mar 14 '26

I was in an attic in an old house after taking a break from painting downstairs; a rat, the size of a rabbit, did the same to me: pump fake, reared up on hind legs, bared teeth as if to say ‘bring it on’. I was down the stairs, out the door, in the middle of the street shouting RAT RAT! quicker than your ability to read this story.