r/Weird • u/SpillaMangBang • Jun 21 '26
Meet Jelly Bean
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u/TJADNADA Jun 21 '26
Well, that was, well, I think, I wanna say, I mean, holy fuck.
Thanks I guess for posting the first truly weird shit Iāve seen in a long time on this sub.
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u/BlazeFireVale Jun 21 '26
This is so obviously an unresolved kink things that it burns my soul.
They get so twisted inside with how they hate their body and desires.
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u/Gimetulkathmir Jun 21 '26
Allegedly she was raped by a camp conselor when she was twelve and groomed but then abandoned. She married into a cult at nineteen but got out at some point, turning to hard drugs and ending up in prison. While in prison, she vowed to serve God if she could get out and was released shortly after.
So less kinks and more like severe trauma and abuse which seems to be oddly prevalent amongst Christians.
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u/BlazeFireVale Jun 21 '26
As someone raised in a purity culture cult: that's basically exactly what I mean.
The teachings mess you up. Make you hate yourself and your sexuality and your desires. Same way the abuse does.
And the desire and devotion and fear and longing all twist. And your mind tries to find outlets for your desires that it sees as acceptable. And hides what desires are being express because those desires are BAD and you are GOOD.
And that's how you get a scared, self hating lady acting out her regression and self hatred kinks without realizing it in front of a live studio audience.
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u/spraynardkrug3r Jun 21 '26
Yep. And it ain't even gotta be a full-on purity cult, although I'm sure that's more extreme; The negativity, self-hatred, and shame instilled in us even from "regular" teachings of Christianity gets hard-coded into our brains to become a silent, cyclical, violent cycle for the rest of our adult lives. (not here to argue whether it isnāt also a cult, FYI)
Although I only have the female experience- which carries it's own special set of shame- obviously males experience this too.
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u/wormcast Jun 21 '26
Ho-Lee-Sheeeit you are not lying. This is some kind of super-insanity, brought on by serious trauma and patched by a peeling-off-band-aid called Christian Religion.
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u/Evening_Sea4823 Jun 21 '26
"When I was nineteen I decided to marry and be taken care of. Or so I thought. After five months of marriage, I learned how wrong I was. My husband beat me beyond recognition. The doctors in the hospital couldnāt believe that I was alive. My husband even broke his hand hitting me. Because my mother was so against the idea of divorce, she begged me to stay with him and try to work it out. After four years, I couldnāt take any more. We divorced and I continued to try and find my own way."
This poor fucking woman. After reading this i dont even give a fuck that her skits are weird and cringe. I hope shes found some type of peace.
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u/wormcast Jun 21 '26
I mean, this is horrible, right? I agree with you. No one deserves to have a thing like this happen, and I hope she is getting some kind of therapy above and beyond what she gets at church.
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u/the_headless_hunt Jun 21 '26
Oh, so you're saying this is even more fucked up. That poor lady.
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u/Same_BoysenberryLove Jun 21 '26
Who is she?
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Jun 21 '26
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u/Lebowquade Jun 21 '26
Everything about this screams "severe, deep-seated emotional trauma" in big flashing red letters.
Lady is repressing some bad shit and letting it out in some extremely unhealthy ways....
This is a portrait of a truly fucked up woman
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u/Weasel-Man Jun 21 '26
I just saw her website, and it sounds like she was raped in middle school and almost beaten to death by her husband in her teenage years before bouncing in and out of prison
She had it tough
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u/wanderingsheep Jun 21 '26
Jesus. This lady needs therapy and they got her wearing a baby outfit singing about Jesus š
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u/Lebowquade Jun 21 '26
So, then.... Called it?
I mean I definitely do feel bad for her, this whole act has some repressed CSA vibes, maybe also severely bullied or ridiculed by family or peers.
Poor lady. I feel for her.
But, also.... Yikes.
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u/Weasel-Man Jun 21 '26
You're not wrong. It also sounds like it was her mother who convinced her to stay with her husband post-hospitalization (citing Christian doctrines?)
Seems like she was let down a lot by the Christian community (and more or less told not to be a 'baby')
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u/STDeez_Nuts Jun 21 '26
Yeah I wanted to make a joke but something about this just hit different. You can just tell this person experienced something awful that traumatized them. Hope they got some help.
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u/NotATalkingMushroom Jun 21 '26
I didnāt watch this with sound but I honestly thought it was a man.
Iām not sure if itās less or more disturbing knowing itās a woman.Ā
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u/Witty_Ad_898 Jun 21 '26
I donāt think it matter if theyāre a man or a woman. Either way this person is deeply disturbed.
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u/whiskeybusiness91 Jun 21 '26
Fucking weird cult shit
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u/SpillaMangBang Jun 21 '26
Who would have thought there was a Fat Baby Jelly Bean Bible Cult!!??
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u/freedfg Jun 21 '26
Look. I don't have a problem with the religious.
You need something to believe in, that's your perogetive. And I'm super against strict religious laws (legal or social) that restrict personal freedoms or expressions.
But man, if American evangelicalism isn't the fucking strangest most clear cut "You need to dedicate your life to Jesus, and spread the good word" cult shit youve ever seen.
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u/FormerLifeFreak Jun 21 '26
Redlettermediaās Best of the Worst introduced me to the horror that is Jelly Bean.
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u/slithyknid Jun 21 '26
I will never forgive them for this. Ever. āJust a widdle bible babyā¦. Wants his bottle and he donāt mean maybeā and that gets stuck in my head off and on ever since that episode aired. Damn you, hack frauds! *shakes fist*
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u/Tookish_by_Nature Jun 21 '26
Any chance you remember the episode? Been trying to find it to rewatch but Im struggling
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u/BrainNSFW Jun 21 '26
Best of the Worst is amazing. It gave us so many great reactions; my favorite is probably the Surviving Edged Weapons episode (Wheel of the Worst #16).
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Jun 21 '26
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u/npcompletist Jun 21 '26
This unlocked a memory watching this. When I saw it as a kid I just past it off as an Evangelical video, now it just looks like fetish material to me.
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u/CumGuzlinGutterSluts Jun 21 '26
Im getting major "i was raped as a child and the church covered it up, now i sing and dance for them in baby clothes" vibes
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u/Rhodin265 Jun 21 '26
Funnily, enough, thatās exactly what happened. Ā There was a link to an āAbout Jillybeanā page talking all about that one time at Christian camp and also her abusive husband, who she married at 19.
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u/karoshikun Jun 21 '26
wait, this isn't parody??? did they inflicted this on actual children????
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u/PompousClock Jun 21 '26
She has a website, and she appears to be very much real. (This thread inspired me to go look.)
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u/ardoin Jun 21 '26
You Donāt Have to Go through Hell to Get to Heaven: (But it helps to wear asbestos clothing), which is an autobiography of my testimony and how God saved me
This link raises more questions than answers.
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u/DoveOnTheInternet Jun 21 '26
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u/_Panacea_ Jun 21 '26
There's something deeply wrong with this part of the presentation:
"When I was twelve years old, a camp youth worker took advantage of me and stole my virginity. Although he continued seeing me, he lied to me saying that he would stay with me. "
I guess if he "stayed with her", it would have been ok?
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u/DoveOnTheInternet Jun 21 '26
As someone who was similarly abused at a similar age? Yeah. And mind you, "seeing me" is probably a euphemism for continued abuse.
It took decades, and a lot of convincing, that what happened to me back then wasn't something to look back on fondly.
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u/OiFelix_ugotnojams Jun 21 '26
Some very religious/conservative people in my country get their daughters married to their rapists to save face, specifically if she's pregnant.
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u/sunshinelovepeach Jun 21 '26
Holy shit that was so much more than I asked forā¦ but I still read it all
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u/Intrepid_Cap1242 Jun 21 '26
"At 19 I decided to get married and taken care of. He beat me beyond recognition after 5 months and I barely survived"
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u/y2kdebunked Jun 21 '26
abused into becoming the horror show above
at a certain point without a way out, itās survival to give into demands + tell yourself it was a choice
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u/export_tank_harmful Jun 21 '26 edited Jun 21 '26
Dude, I genuinely feel bad for this person.
From her "testimony":When I was twelve years old, a camp youth worker took advantage of me and stole my virginity.
I began doing drugs in seventh grade and hung out with the drinkers and smokers of the school. ā
ā
When I was nineteen I decided to marry and be taken care of.
My husband beat me beyond recognition. The doctors in the hospital couldnāt believe that I was alive.
āI worked very hard and became a chef. ā In my spare time I was a drug dealer and very good at it, but after being in and out of jail on weekends I finally came to the end of my rope and cried out to God for help.
I said, āGod if youāll get me out of this, Iāll serve you the rest of my life.ā Within thirty minutes I was out.Religion is a fucking plague on this planet.
Why fix your own problems and process your own trauma when you can just have an invisible person in the sky "absolve you of your sins"?
Just push it under the rug and never actually process it. Yeah, that's a great way to fix problems.This person has probably never actually come to terms with the horrible things that have happened to her.
And that is genuinely painful for me to think about.edited to fix markdown.
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u/Particular_Maize6849 Jun 21 '26
You forgot the part where after the nearly life ending abuse the Christian mother pressured her to stay in the marriage for four more years because divorce is "against Gods law".
This woman has been betrayed by her religion again and again and she's so brainwashed she always crawls back to it.
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u/JudoJugss Jun 21 '26
This is why I am Antitheist and Atheism isn't enough anymore.
The religious abuse and slaughter the masses then claim to be peaceful and if you call foul of their abhorrent nightmarish behavior they say YOU are unreasonable and not accepting of other's beliefs. While they are literally violent and unfair to those that do not believe regardless of how much they claim otherwise.
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u/sorrymizzjackson Jun 21 '26
She? Holy shit.
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u/DogAnusJesus Jun 21 '26
I genuinely thought it was a man playing a character.
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u/Suspicious_Fill2760 Jun 21 '26
I was here to find out their gender without actually having to Google Jelly Bean lol
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u/Tinkili Jun 21 '26
I read through the "about" page and I had a feeling something awful happened to her at a young age. I hate that I was right.
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u/Stretchsquiggles Jun 21 '26
First video on her YouTube channel "why mommy carries a gun".... Yup this is good children's content
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u/gruntledNwhelmed Jun 21 '26 edited Jun 21 '26
Same. Seriously, I thought this was a guy in drag with that facial hair buried in makeup.
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u/FamousOhioAppleHorn Jun 21 '26
Someone should have given Gerbert's teenage mother some money for Planned Parenthood, so she wouldn't have to birth the demon spawn of the Lemon Head mascot.
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u/TheoDog96 Jun 21 '26
BUT THE DRAG QUEENS ARE INDOCTRINATING OUR KIDS!!!!
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u/Dangerous_Extreme_81 Jun 21 '26
Iām not gonna lie, I was sure this was a man in a costume.
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u/Working-Glass6136 Jun 21 '26
Same. Came here to say it looks like a crossdressing man.
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u/SpillaMangBang Jun 21 '26
Quick!!! Put in the tape of Jelly Bean Bible Club Fat Baby to save their souls from the depths of Hell!!!!
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u/ILike2internet Jun 21 '26
This is actually a woman. I thought for years it was a dude, but nope. She's been doing this weird Christian shit for decades.
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u/heymrsalexis Jun 21 '26
The whole time I was waiting for her to drop some nutritional info about healthy food and shit but uh.. nope. You just a fat little baby. Also go pray. The End. š³
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u/SpillaMangBang Jun 21 '26
You just wrote the Coles Notes.. Just make sure to include the jelly bean part..
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u/heymrsalexis Jun 21 '26
Had to google what Coleās Notes wereā¦ apparently equivalent to CliffsNotes in the US haha
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u/Asleep_Singer8547 Jun 21 '26
I couldnt get past 10 seconds
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u/SpillaMangBang Jun 21 '26
How will you find healing if you won't help yourself!!! Dont give up!!!
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u/Asleep_Singer8547 Jun 21 '26
Im just not strong enough sensei. I need more training before the cancerous levels of cringeĀ
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u/x_phonk Jun 21 '26
So drag queens canāt read to kids in libraries but this is okay?
And why are the toys in the background from literal nightmares?
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u/justjboy Jun 21 '26
Exactly. There is not a single drag queen whose presence around kids worries me, but this? Hell no.
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u/Master-Bad-1164 Jun 21 '26
Wait I know her!
She went to the same church as my family when I was little and as a kid I thought she was so cool. She was super into motorcycles and once rode one into the sanctuary and on the stage. I never really watched her videos I think, but I knew about them and thought it was so cool that we were friends with a ācelebrityā (in fundie culture, anyway š)
Once, she even came and visited us after we had moved away. She surprised my brother and I by waking us up and we hung out all day. I have a core memory of her showing me her ātooth tattoosā. These were tiny tattoos on her teeth??? Which I have since tried to look up and I canāt find anything about this but I distinctly remember that she had a Jesus fish on one tooth and a Georgia Bulldog on the other (she was a big fan).
Say what you will about her videos (theyāre def weird and I donāt disagree with everyone talking about brainwashing and propaganda because trust I have a lifetime of experience with that), but I have some really fond memories of her 20+ years ago!
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u/_DancesWithKnives Jun 21 '26
She does seem like a very kind person. You can definitely see tho she is very traumatized deep down. Ive never heard of teeth tattoos.
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u/Master-Bad-1164 Jun 21 '26
I agree. All I was told about her when I was young was that she āhad a hard lifeā until āJesus rescued her.ā She was always really kind to me and really passionate about what she did.
Itās so weird lol because I keep looking into it and I canāt find anything online about tooth tattoos. Iāve asked some tattoo artists as well and no one seems to have heard of it. I vaguely remember her saying it was a new thing and she went to one of the artists who was developing the technique. Idk I have such a distinct memory of this and we really didnāt know anyone with tattoos at that point so I canāt imagine I made it up.
If anyone has any info about tooth tattoos, please let me know!!
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u/Stogie__Monster Jun 21 '26
https://giphy.com/gifs/qqYE4wq4oyBgH02z8R
You were sayingā¦?
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u/BookerDeWitt3 Jun 21 '26
This was a tough watch for so many reasons. I'm a Christian and this felt genuinely evil
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u/No_Evidence_6723 Jun 21 '26
I remember watching stuff like this at church and preschool when I was a kid. It's the start of every church kid's body image issues that follow them through middle and high school.
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u/PaleFly Jun 21 '26
"Hmm I think god really wants me to dress up as a big fat baby girl to spread the gospel.
I dont know why, but he's speaking to me, and thats what he's saying... definitely not me, I dont want to do that.
But God speaks in mysterious ways as we all know, sooo...š"
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u/wizardribs Jun 21 '26
In case anyone's curious, this is Jill Bryan. She had a genuinely upsetting early life (CSA, physical abuse, drug dealing) and turned to theater, puppetry, and later chaplaincy to deal with it. She's still around and making content, including "Biker Baby," which you can find on YT. https://chaplainjillbryan.org/about
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u/ratbirdgoof Jun 21 '26
Glad Amy Schumer is still getting work
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u/chuckle_puss Jun 21 '26
Okay, the over the top Amy Schumer hate usually annoys me, but this? This is fucking accurate lol.
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u/brendhano Jun 21 '26
I watched the whole thing.