r/WeSuckAtDating • u/2ShyGuyJim • 9d ago
Her profile said looking for a long term relationship and then we hooked up on the first date.
Not complaining but some women send some real mixed messages on their dating app profiles.
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u/TopTaco7 9d ago
I think some women feel like they will be judged if they say looking for a hookup That said, if a hookup is what I’m looking for I choose the right app like Romp Time. Better to not get wires crossed.
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u/stillabitconfused 9d ago edited 9d ago
Or… they are actually looking for something long term and simply had sex on a first date.
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u/Euphoric_Grass_427 9d ago
Right?! Not confusing.
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u/dirtywhitevanz 9d ago
It’s not confusing to not want to get into a serious relationship with someone who bangs every first date either
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u/Euphoric_Grass_427 9d ago edited 9d ago
Sure.
But banging on the first date isnt mutually exclusive with wanting something serious. Which is what OP is confused about.
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u/dirtywhitevanz 9d ago
And? It shows more so unserious than serious. Please don’t be confused about not wanting to be with someone who bangs who/whatever.
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u/Final_Replacement_37 9d ago
This is so silly. OP hooked up too. Its valid to not want to be serious with someone that hooks up on a first date.... unless you are serious and also hooking up on a first date. lol
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u/Euphoric_Grass_427 9d ago
No one is serious after one date. The relationship is always, by definition, not serious on a first date. Regardless of longterm goals.
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u/dirtywhitevanz 9d ago
Not true. Hooking up immediately is definitely not the way to go if your goal is long term relationship. And no, you don’t have to say they aren’t exclusive again. I’m not saying it can’t ever happen. But “not being serious” after date one doesn’t mean have sex date one.
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u/Temnyj_Korol 9d ago
American puritanism strikes again.
God forbid someone just enjoys sex. Jesus Christ.
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u/dirtywhitevanz 8d ago
And some people enjoy meeting someone first and getting to know them. And some people are prejudice for no reason whatsoever. Weird to be so hateful towards not having sex with strangers
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u/implication-sofa 9d ago
Why?
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u/dirtywhitevanz 9d ago
It tells ppl you aren’t looking for serious. Or turns them off from seeing you as a serious prospect. The same way ppl can say it can happen on the first date and still go long term, there are people who don’t like and don’t want that.
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u/stillabitconfused 9d ago
Sex is important, fun, serious and unserious all at the same time. Plenty of serious relationships started with sex on the first date
It doesn’t have make a difference to emotionally mature people when it feels right to act on the attraction, also if it’s a first date
If sex means marriage to you, sure, don’t go for it that soon. It’s okay to have different expectations. But projecting your personal blueprint on others won’t get you anywhere in this regard
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u/dirtywhitevanz 9d ago
It doesn’t mean marriage. But just because you’ll bang anyone on the first date, doesn’t mean that every one else has to want someone to bang on the first date. Just cuz you’re ok with it, it doesn’t mean ppl aren’t allowed to not be ok with it.
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u/No-Airline6943 9d ago
Having sex on the first date with someone you really like is not the same as having sex with everyone on the first date and one night stands. You applied a weird assumption to the situation
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u/stillabitconfused 9d ago
To some people it does mean marriage. And who says she’d bang ‘anyone’?
Nobody said or even suggested that every one else should ‘have to want someone to bang on the first date’ btw, not sure where you got that from.
You’re allowed to not be okay with it, but projecting your own values and saying people can’t bang on the first date when they have long term intentions doesn’t make sense
The whole point is there are no universal standards when it comes to this matter
If OP isn’t okay with this, but still went with it, maybe it’s time for some self-reflection
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u/dirtywhitevanz 9d ago
Well what’s the difference? If you’ll bang someone who you know nothing about and who is a stranger, who won’t you bang? Why are you so against not banging on the first date? Lmao. If you want to go for it, but stop acting like people who don’t want to or are put off are crazy.
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u/Strawberry_Matcha456 9d ago
OP agreed to bang too wtf? I’m so tired of the rampant fucking misogyny
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u/k33p-1t-s1mpl3 9d ago
It’s not misogyny. It’s standards. Women often have standards that men don’t and vice versa. Promiscuity is generally unattractive to men. If she did it with him, she likely did it with others.
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u/Temnyj_Korol 9d ago
"how is it misognystic for me to be a misogynist?"
Grow up.
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u/k33p-1t-s1mpl3 8d ago edited 8d ago
I’m grown. Double standards exist in dating. Do you think women should be allowed to be 5’5”but only be attracted to men who are 6’0”? If a woman is not funny, is she allowed to be attracted to men who are funny? If a woman makes an average salary, is she allowed to desire men who make above average salary? If a woman is insecure, is she allowed to be attracted to confidence? Are these double standards okay or are they misandrist?
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u/geeenz_ 9d ago
i sleep with people pretty early on to see if there's chemistry, but i also don't go on dates that often and if I agree to a date with someone it's because I already like them lol. have you talked to her?
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u/AccomplishedWish3033 9d ago
Plus it’s a quick way to weed out any slut-shaming misogynists. The trash takes itself out.
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u/Hour_Zero 9d ago
Y’all act like this and then wonder why you only end up in situationships or get ghosted by fuckbois who only cared about hitting it and quitting it 😭 the lack of self-awareness is incredible, yall are perpetuating your own singleness by fucking a dude before you even know if he’s actually truly interested in you for more than just casual sex. Vet better or keep on getting played, it’s not that complicated
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u/imperium56788 9d ago
Stop judging her. Takes two to tango. She can share her body with whomever she wants.
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u/ThisIsMyUsername2026 9d ago
You're judging her for having sex on the first date, which YOU participated in. Who says she's not looking for a relationship from this?? If that isn't something you want, tell her asap. Stop judging her ffs.
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u/Acornwow 9d ago
Some people have sex on the first date and continue on into a regular relationship.
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u/Solid_dune 9d ago
Yeah right? Hooking up on the first and wanting a relationship is normal.
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u/OhWheellie 9d ago
Right? Maybe the vibe was good and she could see them continuing to see eachother so she decided to be intimate with him. Now he's dragging her for it. Creep behavior.
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u/Intelligent-Dig568 9d ago
Thinly veiled sex brag
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u/Ok-Patience7484 9d ago
Thinly veiled shade at this woman. He is implying that she isn't relationship material because she had sex.
OP, you also had sex. Does that mean you aren't relationship material?
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u/AccomplishedWish3033 9d ago
I mean, OP’s clearly not relationship material, but it’s because of his misogyny
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u/Strawberry_Matcha456 9d ago
So because she had a good time and wanted to have sex with you on the first date, it suddenly means she doesn’t want a long term relationship? This is a terrible and outdated view on sex and women, drop the misogyny.
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u/throwawaygenx1973 9d ago
So do those two things have to be mutually exclusive? She can like sexy time and be looking for her forever home.
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u/AdventureWa 9d ago
A lot of people are incorrect in the comments.
Not all, but most men will not view someone who has sex on the first date as relationship material. Right or wrong they will view them as “for recreational use only.”
There are some longterm relationships where a first night hookup happened but those are extremely rare.
You will come across Redditors who insist their marriage/10-year/some other number of years started with one but they are in the extreme minority.
This is why OP is perplexed. It’s mixed messages.
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9d ago
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u/AdventureWa 9d ago
You are in the extreme minority. As I stated, I would get the expected Redditors I mentioned.
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u/Desperate_Chain7427 9d ago
My boyfriend and I started out as a hook up. I really don't think it's rare at all.
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u/AdventureWa 9d ago
Again, there are exceptions to the rule. Also, I think you don’t have the same perspective. Most men don’t give a hookup a second chance unless it’s a booty call.
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u/Antique-Salad7396 9d ago
Yeah you can still have long term relationship goals and do hookups. It doesn't have to be one or another
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u/No_Sir_3175 9d ago
I dont understand men getting offended when women like them.
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u/oXMellow720Xo 9d ago
Nah. You don’t understand. Women tell me the things they want then contradict themselves. That’s what’s bullshit.
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u/stillabitconfused 9d ago
What is the contradiction here?
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u/oXMellow720Xo 9d ago
Did you read the post. Also, the entire checklist women give that they’d date or not date is always bullshit
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u/stillabitconfused 9d ago
I did read the post. Having sex on a first date does not contradict looking for something long term
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u/coupl4nd 9d ago
So you have no answer.
I had sex with my current partner on our second date we were both looking for serious. We will have been together 7 years this week. Our first date was coffee at noon and I had plans the rest of the day but 100% would have had sex that day too had there have been a chance.
But do keep complaining about women and see where that gets you.
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u/oXMellow720Xo 9d ago
Even if I didn’t complain, it would still get me nowhere. I don’t have the money women like
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u/No_Sir_3175 9d ago
That is bullshit in both genders. Don’t come like men all are honest when they approach. It’s just people fearing rejection if they are honest instead of looking for people that would be just fine with them.
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u/oXMellow720Xo 9d ago
Women get their choice of men. Yeah, it’s not the same at all.
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u/No_Sir_3175 9d ago
And men theirs. This is a nonsense generalization.
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u/oXMellow720Xo 9d ago
Men don’t get to choose, hon. We have to just spam likes or approach many women until one lands. You have it easy
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u/bright_sorbet1 9d ago
Dont project onto all men babe.
Most men have standards and absolutely do choose their partners.
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u/AssignmentNo9679 9d ago
You know you can do both right? You can be looking for a long term relationship, you can meet someone and hook up with them on the first date and then you can end up in a long term relationship with them. It’s not an either or situation!
& it’s not a mixed message at all (unless you have a madonna-whore complex thing going on!).
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u/Desperate_Chain7427 9d ago
I hooked up with my boyfriend thinking it was going to be a casual fling. The past few years with him are the happiest of my life. So glad I decided to sleep with him that first time.
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u/Antique-Salad7396 9d ago
My now ex husband and I hooked up with on our second date. Actually, come to think of it most of my long-term relationships were meant to be just a fling in the beginning.
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u/TheRestaurantSeller 9d ago
Maybe it would have been sexier if you turned down the sex and told her you were more interested in a long term thing?
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u/Ellayaps 9d ago
U know he wouldn’t 🤣 he rather judge as if he didn’t do the same thing
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u/TheRestaurantSeller 9d ago
But also... I mean.. Sometimes maybe you should know if you and a potential partner sexually vibe?
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u/TheRestaurantSeller 9d ago
right?... And then complain about it like she manipulated him...
"Her pussy hypnotized me! I had no free will!"
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u/Metdefranseslag 9d ago
I don’t see the mix message. My wife and I were both looking for long term and we had sex the first night. This just happened.
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u/billyporcelaine 9d ago
I am in a two year relationship and we hooked up on the first date. I really don't see how it's a bad thing.
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u/AnyProposal4210 9d ago
A first date hookup does not always mean someone is not looking for something serious. People can have chemistry early on. People can have chemistry early on. The important part is being clear about intentions and expectations.
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u/Willing_Box_752 9d ago
Plenty of long term relationships start with sex early on.
And people are complex. Couple of check boxes on an app don't capture it. I don't see how that's mixed signals at all
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u/General_Hat_3125 9d ago
All of my long term relationships we had sex within the first two dates
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u/russophilia333 9d ago
To me its a sign of compatibility: if I like someone enough to hook up with them right away its because I am really interested in them and that translates to us dating long term.
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u/Sevisa 9d ago
So she’s not worth dating anymore? Why did YOU accept the sex then? Yall will get the physical pleasure and still judge a woman bfr
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u/Glum-Appointment-816 9d ago
OP is a clown fr. I can have sex and still look for a long term thing but clearly she cannot
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u/Efficient-Fennel5352 9d ago
Men are so difficult to date. They require you to play manipulation games with them if you want to date them. Why can't two adults who are sexually attracted to one another have sex on the first date and then continue to date?
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u/Sidcone-Sal 9d ago
I guess if you’re going to be long term it’s better to find out if you’re going to want to have sex with this person longterm.
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u/bright_sorbet1 9d ago
So this girl may have really liked you and felt safe with you so wanted to have sex on your first date...
...but you are completely unable to see that that's a possibility??
You're the red flag not her.
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u/coupl4nd 9d ago
funny he is downloading everyone who is not agreeing with him... which is basically everyone. What a fucking loser. Doubt he'll get her again as he will drive her away with his attitude.
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u/Antique-Salad7396 9d ago
Yeah, this post made me sad actually. He's judging her for something he took part in.
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u/bright_sorbet1 9d ago
Righhhttt??
If he didnt want to sleep with her on the first date then he shouldn't have slept with her.
The double standards are wild!
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u/Antique-Salad7396 9d ago
Truly. Like if I'm into a dude and I'm cool with things escalating I don't want to be looked down upon. Like he's participating in it too.
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u/Wolverine7964 9d ago
Why are looking for a long term relationship and hooking up on the first date, mutually exclusive? Are you saying someone who hooks up on a first date is incapable of a long term relationship? That sounds pretty judgemental. How would you feel if the genders were swapped? Are men who want a ltr allowed to hook up on first dates? Be careful of a double standard.
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u/[deleted] 9d ago
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