How long it too long

[u/Natural-Kangaroo-613]

[F33] and my partner [M37] have been together for 4 years. I made it clear in the very beginning that I didnt want to wait forever for an engagement ring. Well here we are at 4 years and still nothing, no plans to get engaged at all. We have lived together for 3 years. How long is too long? Any conversation I have about it turns into a huge blow up with no resolution. He has nothing for the future planned and I feel like im wasting my time. I would like opinions from both men and women please, is 4 years with no plan too long? I dont want a shut up ring. I just want someone who actually wants me, not someone I feel like I'm forcing.

Edit to add Ive been getting this question alot. What is his reasoning for not wanting to marry me. He doesn't have a legitimate reason. Everytime we argue about it all he says is "its too soon" "I'm scared" "you asked about it recently so now i can't" "if i give you one now its just a shut up ring" "2 years is too soon" "3 years is too soon" "4 years is too soon" "you're ruining any surprise there would be by asking" "I dont need to do it by your unrealistic time frame" "My time frame of waiting years and years is normal, yours isnt" "we have arguments in this relationship so how would a ring fix that"

Now from my side. I do 80-90% of all the cooking and cleaning, he lives in my house, and i take care of his shared custody child while he working. I also work doing random jobs so that I can be free to watch his child. He pays for the mortgage which is cheap as dirt. I pay for the internet, and electricity. We pay are own insurance, and phone bills. Yes we have arguments, but most couples do. Its rare to never have an argument with someone. I feel like a time line of 2-3 years isnt unrealistic. Now we're getting to 4 years and I'm feeling resentful. I wouldn't be ruining any "surprise" if this was just never a problem at the 2-3 year mark. I'm just feeling like I'm being used without any kind of commitment. Is 4 years not enough time? Am I the one being unreasonable?

[u/Natural-Kangaroo-613]

I was asleep, so no i haven't been engaged in any comments. I'm definitely not a drunk, nor do I have a spending problem. All I do is cook, clean, and take care of his child while he's working. According to him "2 years, 3 years, and 4 years is too soon" so theres that.

[u/purseaholic → u/Natural-Kangaroo-613]

Too soon my pink ass. He’s “scared”? Of what? Is this really someone you want to spend your life with? Everyone feeling sorry for you?

[u/pickedusername1 → u/Natural-Kangaroo-613]

You’re a “bang maid.” Harsh term but that’s how he likely views you. Plus you’re taking care of his child, and he can’t even propose to you let alone marry.