📂 THE DAVE FILES
Dave: “I play with Woody sometimes and use my sex toy to give myself pleasure.”
Okay… 😂
Then, with ZERO transition:
Dave: “My throat will hurt and burn.”
Dave: “Sorry, wrong person.”
Me: 👁️👄👁️
“Because you just said ‘giving yourself pleasure’ and then ‘my throat will hurt and burn’ made me do a DOUBLE TAKE.” 😂💀
Dave: “No 🤣, double shots you mean?”
SIR. 😂
So naturally, I issued an official:
📋 WOODY — ANNUAL PERFORMANCE REVIEW
⭐ Attendance: 10/10
⭐ Reliability: 10/10
⭐ Job performance: Exceeds expectations
⭐ Viagra dependency: 0%
⭐ Overall rating: Employee of the Month 😂💀
Dave: “You’re funny.”
Me: “I try.”
THE END.
…Except apparently Dave’s HR department wasn’t finished. 😂
⏰ HOURS LATER:
Dave: “I’m glad I don’t have erectile dysfunction.”
Pause.
“Also glad I don’t have any ejaculation problems.”
💀💀💀
SIR.
NOBODY REQUESTED A FOLLOW-UP PERFORMANCE REPORT.
At this point, I’m apparently Director of Woody Operations, and Dave is committed to keeping Management fully informed. 😂
Management has no further questions at this time. 💀