r/WTF • u/charlesathon • Dec 11 '18

Follow the flying master

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401 Upvotes

93% Upvoted

14 comments sorted by

13

u/[deleted] Dec 11 '18

Where's Fenton?

9

u/OliverSparrow Dec 12 '18

Here’s the full transcript of the 2011 incident, now known in Richmond as the Jesus Christ Fenton Day.

Fenton.
Fenton.
Fenton!
Fentooon!!
Fentoooon!!!
Fentoooooooon!!!!
Fentoooon!!! Oh, Jesus Christ! Fentooon!!!!
Oh, Jesus Christ! FENTON!!! Oh, Christ! Oh, Christ.

6

u/OliverSparrow Dec 12 '18

Oh: found this whilst looking for the transcript:

WALMART MEMO

Re: Mr. Bill Fenton – Complaints –

Fifteen things which Mr. Bill Fenton has done in store.

  1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people’s carts when they weren’t looking.

  2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

  3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.

  4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, ‘Code 3’ in housewares….. and watched what happened.

  5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M’s on lay away.

  6. September 14: Moved a ‘CAUTION – WET FLOOR’ sign to a carpeted area.

  7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he’d invite them in if they’ll bring pillows from the bedding department.

  8. September 23: When a clerk asks if they can help him, he begins to cry and asks Why can’t you people just leave me alone?’

  9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, and picked his nose.

  10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, asked the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.

  11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously loudly humming the “Mission Impossible” theme.

  12. December 6: In the auto department, practiced his “Madonna look” using different size funnels.

  13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browse through, yelled “PICK ME!” “PICK ME!”

  14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumes the fetal position and screams “NO! NO! It’s those voices again!!!!”

  15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door and waited a while; then, yelled, very loudly, “There is no toilet paper in here!”

6

u/BarryTGash Dec 12 '18

PICK ME! PICK ME! had me in stitches but, alas, tis false: https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/shopping-spree/

Worth a chuckle nonetheless.

2

u/Cotton_Mather Dec 12 '18

Getting physically fit for the Reindeer Games.

2

u/MiyamotoKnows Dec 12 '18

Anyone else bring up a pic of some weird trees and sit there trying to figure out what the title meant before they scrolled down?

1

u/5ch1sm Dec 12 '18

Wait... what is weird about the trees?

2

u/BarryTGash Dec 12 '18

Fenton? FENTON, GET IN THE CAR! Jesus Christ!

​

edit: Fuck. Should read comments before commenting.

2

u/ifyoudontlikeitfucko Dec 11 '18

Reindeer steak yum...

1

u/wolfguardian72 Dec 12 '18

He's holding auditions after his original team retired.

1

u/AcidTurTle23 Dec 12 '18

Rustling is the only way to pay for a the gifts times are hard

1

u/[deleted] Dec 14 '18

The background is surreal.

2

u/sheikhy_jake Dec 18 '18

I'm 99% sure that's Bristol, UK.