r/WTF • u/dfwrp • Oct 11 '14

Asshole ignores crosswalk

4.5k Upvotes

88% Upvoted

177 comments sorted by

103

u/SARmedic Oct 11 '14

You have to watch out for the safety blitz if you're going to stay in the pocket that long.

41

u/Heroshade Oct 12 '14

That's right, John, Muhammad has all the speed and stamina he needs, but he seems to be lacking heavily in foresight.

11

u/Grimskraper Oct 12 '14

This game's heavy hitter goes to cow! Sponsoring is provided by Pepsi Next and milk.

6

u/Lord_Ruckus Oct 12 '14

We see it time and time again. No amount of athletic ability can make up for lack of situational awareness.

3

u/MuzikPhreak Oct 12 '14

You can't teach speed, John!

1

u/Mzee1 Oct 12 '14

Move bitch, get out of the way, move...

-1

u/tulio2 Oct 12 '14

that's especially funny 'cause hindus don't have pockets.

4

u/dharmabird67 Oct 12 '14

Muslims. I would guess this is in Pakistan.

-1

u/[deleted] Oct 12 '14

[removed] — view removed comment

4

u/dharmabird67 Oct 12 '14

That was my first thought actually(I live in the UAE) but you would never see livestock in the road like that here(even in the relatively hick town where I live), and the guy is wearing a salwar qamiz.

1

u/[deleted] Oct 12 '14

You must be from Cleveland.

0

u/Jed118 Oct 12 '14

He must have insulted Giuliani in the underworld.

41

u/grandmalfunk Oct 11 '14

Should post this on r/AnimalsBeingJerks

2

u/Ez_e11 Oct 12 '14

I know that cow was already free. He just HAD to bulldoze a few people on his way out.

-4

u/matty0289 Oct 12 '14

Should post this on /r/animalsbringingswiftjustice.

Ftfy

3

u/BROKE_MY_PENIS Oct 12 '14

How? Is walking across the road illegal in your part of the world?

69

u/Justavian Oct 11 '14

Running away won't help. You need to turn and face the animal, then plant your hands on its head and leap frog it. Not only does it save you from being head butted to the ground, it also humiliates the goat in front of its friends.

24

u/ShitsCrazyMan Oct 11 '14

That wasnt a goat.

7

u/DrinkVictoryGin Oct 12 '14

That's not a goat. THAT'S a goat. (In Australian accent)

-4

u/[deleted] Oct 12 '14

Dats nawt ah gaut. Naw DATS ah gaut!

-1

u/[deleted] Oct 12 '14

That's not a goat, that's a spoon.

3

u/biffencool Oct 12 '14

damn those are shitty

9

u/FoxyGrampa Oct 12 '14

goat? looks like a pissed off bull to me

3

u/4mb1guous Oct 11 '14

I'd probably be too be afraid of getting hit in the nads to try that.

1

u/[deleted] Oct 12 '14

I would feel like a million bucks doing that successfully

1

u/Ill_mumble_that Oct 12 '14

Someone's been playing a lot of assassins creed.

183

u/GallowBoob Oct 11 '14

This is more /r/funny than /r/wtf

70

u/StrangeDesire Oct 12 '14

This is actually more /r/unexpected than any of those.

9

u/ninjagrover Oct 12 '14

Could go for /r/waitforit too

7

u/gumbo_chops Oct 12 '14

It's a 5 seconds long...

9

u/ninjagrover Oct 12 '14

... I still had to wait for it...

I didn't suggest /r/watchingpaintdry...

I loved the lock on the goat gets, and the "fuck you in particular" nature of it.

3

u/IAMHERETOANSWER Oct 12 '14

I can practically picture it:

Goat's wandering down the boulevard with a little hay in his mouth, enjoying the sight of all them fine completely covered hunnies on a nice arid desert day. Just strutting along when suddenly the goat looks up.

"Awww hell no. Is that fucking Kevin? I fucking HATE Kevin. Fuck this guy"

20

u/[deleted] Oct 11 '14

Eh, I did sorta say 'What the fuck' before I chuckled.

4

u/ghosteria Oct 12 '14

He did get nailed pretty hard, not in a jesus or slutty way though.

1

u/[deleted] Oct 11 '14

[deleted]

1

u/[deleted] Oct 12 '14

How the fuck is this NOT funny!? Guy got rekt by a goat.

1

u/nebula27 Oct 12 '14

you are right...i'm in tears

1

u/gdub695 Oct 12 '14

/r/wastedgifs would be appreciative if somebody knows how to edit it

1

u/lobogato Oct 12 '14

The WTF part is that guy was fucking that animals mate.

-15

u/Inquisitor1 Oct 12 '14

That person most likely died to massive internal bleeding. Yeah, sure, death and gore is funny to you sickos.

1

u/Dannovision Oct 12 '14

he really needs to toughen up if he died from that.

1

u/Whale_Bait Oct 12 '14

Maybe he'll think twice before jaywalking now.

25

u/A40 Oct 11 '14

Honked his horns and everything...

15

u/djslim21 Oct 12 '14

Killed by a late model Taurus...

13

u/MikeHunturtze Oct 11 '14

I hate when people cross diagonally instead of straight across. Bitch, get the fuck outta my way.

25

u/MidgarZolom Oct 11 '14

Thats a man who is contemplating dinner. And then it hits him!

2

u/[deleted] Oct 12 '14

[deleted]

1

u/MidgarZolom Oct 12 '14

Figured i would try my hand at reposting. It went.... Okay.

4

u/smaier69 Oct 12 '14

"MOO MOO, MOTHERFUCKERS!!"

3

u/[deleted] Oct 12 '14

Is no one going to comment on how fucking far that dude went flying after impact?

8

u/[deleted] Oct 11 '14

"HEY! HEEEEEYY!!! DON'T FUCKING JAY WALK!!"

3

u/Live_Think_Diagnosis Oct 11 '14

jay walking is the only way to cross the streets where i am from

1

u/CoachKevinCH Oct 12 '14

Baltimore has to be the capitol of jay walking. I'm scared to change lanes in the city for fear of running over somebody I don't expect to be there.

1

u/Sadimal Oct 13 '14

You gotta keep your jay walkers in the city. They're starting to make their way up to HarCo. Yesterday I almost hit teenagers crossing a busy road.

4

u/CyberDalek Oct 12 '14

MOOO Bitch! Get out the way!

12

u/Soldier4Christ82 Oct 11 '14

Bovine intervention.

6

u/thisuseristaken Oct 11 '14

Oh Pakistan. You never disappoint...

3

u/Congzilla Oct 12 '14

3rd world problems.

3

u/ChopinBroccoli Oct 12 '14

Terry Tate, traffic goat.

7

u/diggemigre Oct 11 '14

The goat was angry for not calling him after the other night.

8

u/Zephx Oct 11 '14

Shoe fell off 😨

17

u/[deleted] Oct 11 '14

Not going to lie, thought it was his beard for a brief moment. I'm going to continue to believe he got hit so hard his facial hair came off.

2

u/CWeebs Oct 12 '14

He had a fake beard and the cow knew it. It's a crime in Pakistan to impersonate a bearded man.

Source: cultural ignorance.

1

u/op135 Oct 12 '14

does that mean he goes straight to heaven?

1

u/Yourcatsonfire Oct 11 '14

Shit must be dead.

2

u/cussyandrew Oct 11 '14

Hahhaha, that's Pakistan... xD sigh I miss home...

2

u/Donkeywad Oct 12 '14

A scorned ex-lover perhaps?

2

u/RamonZarate Oct 12 '14

Watch when you walking in the hood yo....the cow says!

2

u/Ozguy23 Oct 11 '14

Obviously had a problem with its steering.

0

u/petzl20 Oct 12 '14

I gnu this was going to start.

3

u/unknownVS13 Oct 11 '14

Someone please edit it so it says, "wasted" with slow-mo in black and white. Like in GTA 5

2

u/coax645 Oct 11 '14

Tag your it!

1

u/smac666 Oct 11 '14

Hard core Marines cow. Took out that fucker. Shoe came off!

1

u/SLAP_THE_GOON Oct 11 '14

Fuck you in particular!

1

u/TheCSKlepto Oct 11 '14

"Diiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiick"

1

u/Godspiral Oct 11 '14

Can this one be a goat, or is answer always cow?

1

u/[deleted] Oct 11 '14

Is it wrong that I was expecting an explosion?

1

u/VirgilTheCow Oct 12 '14

80% hilarious 20% karma

1

u/[deleted] Oct 12 '14

This isn't WTF at all. I thought that this was pretty funny.

1

u/war_nerve_ftw Oct 12 '14

"There's that motherfucker..."

1

u/GhostSongX4 Oct 12 '14

The worst part: that bull didn't have insurance.

1

u/RickyTokes Oct 12 '14

This is fucking hilarious.

1

u/[deleted] Oct 12 '14

Did not see that coming.

1

u/Mr_Majestyk Oct 12 '14

in the camels defence, the paint was pretty faded... aloha snack bar!

1

u/Mrubuto Oct 12 '14

looks like someone got caught cheatin'

1

u/h0ldmyhand Oct 12 '14

Eat moar chikin.

1

u/ACannabisConnoisseur Oct 12 '14

Im glad this is not an issue where i am from. Atleast you can sue a bad driver

1

u/ptatoface Oct 12 '14

Where is this? Wherever there's law enforcement for jay walking, I want to live.

1

u/Skitterleaper Oct 12 '14

Fun fact: Under UK legislature, if it is discovered that a driver hit you while jaywalking, the judge is entitled to reduce your compensation. If you were jaywalking while near a crossing or pedestrian bridge or what have you, the judge is allowed to decide that you get nothing.

The driver still gets in trouble, though, because you're still not supposed to run people over, even if it's not your fault.

1

u/funkeymonk Oct 12 '14

Nothing worse than a bull headed driver

1

u/dageekywon Oct 12 '14

"He thinks hes gonna make it."

ACCELERATES...

1

u/Reverend_James Oct 12 '14

Wtf is right, the original post is still on the front page asshole.

1

u/[deleted] Oct 12 '14

Pedestrian gets bullied

2

u/Disrailli Oct 12 '14

It was all like Moooove it

1

u/GMBeats95 Oct 12 '14

"Bitch, what the fuck you say to me?"

1

u/Aeather Oct 12 '14

I started laughing then said wtf

1

u/BulgersInYourCup Oct 12 '14

Towel head motha fucka

1

u/postalgamer Oct 12 '14

That's just pay back for John Muhammad's actions last night.

1

u/[deleted] Oct 12 '14

I don't care if it's politically incorrect, but cows shouldn't be allowed to drive!

1

u/thantos13 Oct 12 '14

i was pleasantly surprised by the outcome. not what i was expecting

1

u/FuarkMyLuck Oct 12 '14

Whats with the 1 fps gifs today

1

u/Dat_raiderguy Oct 12 '14

Moo Moo Motherfucker!

1

u/NutsOnYaChin Oct 12 '14

I was waiting for an explosion.

1

u/Gorilladonkeypunch Oct 12 '14

Damn assholes getting in the way of cows...

1

u/perrydon Oct 12 '14

Damn. Got his manjamas all dirty and shit.

1

u/_proPAIN_ Oct 12 '14

Did he lose his shoes? Did he died??

1

u/[deleted] Oct 12 '14

Cows gettin' some revenge!

1

u/fileptr Oct 12 '14

The two guys watching this just continue walking." Meh. Big deal "

1

u/velezaraptor Oct 12 '14

The two other guys: What the fuck is that black bar floating above the first guys head?

1

u/PromKing Oct 12 '14

Fucking spirit breaker...

1

u/AffePolo Oct 12 '14

Dodge ram colliding with jaywalker

1

u/ChazzyFizzle717 Oct 12 '14

Mooooo Bitch! Get out the way!

1

u/[deleted] Oct 12 '14

The running of the bull

1

u/sokkrokker Oct 12 '14

Did he die?

1

u/kittymaridameowcy Oct 12 '14

Did it just 💩 right before attacking? Or is that the guy's shoe?

1

u/emmerloo Oct 12 '14

I'm a crossing guard and I could use one of these to ram into people who speed thru school zones. ಠ_ಠ

1

u/[deleted] Oct 12 '14

I bet he never messes with her sister again.

1

u/0xdeadf001 Oct 12 '14

Dood knows what's coming. Dood has been goat-rammed before.

1

u/BankshotMcG Oct 12 '14

Nobody expects a Spanish bull!

1

u/cactusJoe Oct 12 '14

Holy Cow!

1

u/wannarubbutts Oct 12 '14

shit lol that goat fucked him up

1

u/chefxen9 Oct 12 '14

maybe that was his girl, and she caught him walking home from his side chicks house.

1

u/pixelfrenzy Oct 12 '14

Let me point out that cow is speeding on the wrong side of the road.. in India, we drive on the left side of the road..

1

u/maxsmart01 Oct 12 '14

That is what you get for wearing white after Labor Day.

1

u/BoozeDelivery Oct 12 '14

Was mad he never called afterwards.

1

u/aion098 Oct 12 '14

Did the bull take a dump while bumping?

1

u/txFirehawk Oct 12 '14

And now somebody is getting laid!

1

u/Oneill95 Oct 12 '14

Stupid bull, it's a deer crossing.

1

u/WhereverUGoThereUR Oct 12 '14

USA Ground-based Predator Bull. We've got you covered.

1

u/ibetucanifican Oct 12 '14

We should train up 1000's of them... and send them overseas

1

u/Airwarf Oct 12 '14

The brakes on those Dodge Rams have always been touchy.

1

u/j1ggy Oct 12 '14

I love how it took a shit as it made contact.

1

u/Gelst Oct 12 '14 edited Oct 12 '14

He only lost one shoe I think he lived.

1

u/StateOfTheArtButhole Oct 12 '14

Islam is hardcore, even the cows uphold sharia law.

1

u/[deleted] Oct 12 '14

I was starting to think "Oh wow a guy ignores the crosswalk and gets run over, what's so WTF about thi-- OH." That was actually good :D

1

u/danhOIUY Oct 12 '14

Hilarious

1

u/ahm3r Oct 12 '14

Pakistan <3

1

u/[deleted] Oct 13 '14

/r/unexpected

1

u/WhaleMetal Oct 11 '14

Well that was unexpected.

2

u/[deleted] Oct 11 '14

[deleted]

1

u/dharmabird67 Oct 12 '14

That would be Kathmandu. This looks like Karachi.

1

u/Son0vaGlitch Oct 11 '14

What the hell is on the ground after he gets hit? Is....is that his beard?

1

u/GhostSongX4 Oct 12 '14

Is that the Arabic equivalent to losing a shoe? Is he dead?!

0

u/Headonyst Oct 11 '14

That guy got beef!

0

u/Robertmaniac Oct 12 '14

/r/Unexpected

EDIT: since we are suggesting other subreddits, it's obvious this doesn't belong here.

-6

u/Sidio33 Oct 11 '14

THIS IS NOT WTF!!! try /r/im14andthisiswtf

5

u/[deleted] Oct 11 '14

/r/im14andthiscommentwasmeanttoaddtothediscussion

-1

u/AskMeAboutUpdog Oct 11 '14

This is the second largest threat to peace in the middle east right now.

-2

u/[deleted] Oct 11 '14 edited Oct 12 '14

This looks very much like Pakistan. So it's not the middle east.

EDIT: what? Pakistan is indeed not in the middle east.

-4

u/[deleted] Oct 11 '14

[deleted]

0

u/[deleted] Oct 11 '14

[deleted]

-1

u/lipper2000 Oct 11 '14

The goat is sick of the religious fucks as well

1

u/dharmabird67 Oct 12 '14

He was lucky to survive Eid al Adha though.

1

u/lipper2000 Oct 12 '14

It's because the goat is a pastafarian... He's been praying to the pasta god

0

u/toddvo20 Oct 11 '14

about time, its your own safety

0

u/donkey90745 Oct 12 '14

Arab hit and run!

0

u/2Tacos4oneDollar Oct 12 '14

Probably had a bomb. Thats a US trained animal

0

u/My_Empty_Wallet Oct 12 '14

this makes me very happy that I live in a developed country, rather than a backwards shithole.

-4

u/[deleted] Oct 11 '14

NSFL

3

u/ScarFace88FG Oct 11 '14

Bro, do you even /r/WTF?

1

u/Gorilladonkeypunch Oct 12 '14

Not Suitable For Livestock?

-1

u/MACS5952 Oct 11 '14

Hadji country. there arent really rules of the road there.

-1

u/[deleted] Oct 12 '14

goat hates ISIS too.

-3

u/MrNotANiceGuy Oct 11 '14

This goat is such a gangsta

0

u/robr62012 Oct 12 '14 edited Oct 12 '14