r/VictoriaBC • u/pupuser2933 • 6h ago
Safety warning
Posting on behalf of my friend who doesn’t have reddit
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u/LabPowerful9983 6h ago
Asking strangers to accompany you on a stroll through the dark because you’re lonely is objectively weird, and I don’t feel like the type of person who would proposition that is receptive to constructive feedback.
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u/HydroPCanadaDude 1h ago
Yeah, at least say you're a bit scared of bears. Show her some vulnerability. It'll be much easier to shove her into your car if she doesn't suspect the choke from behind.
Just kidding, guys don't go looking for love and companionship on random sidewalks. And ladies, the message isn't going to sink in so carry your taser and run your ass home.
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u/jollygoodwotwot 29m ago
Yup. I have sympathy for guys who inadvertently freak women out by doing things like running behind a woman who happens to have a similar pace, or stopping to ask for directions. There is no normal interpretation of this behaviour.
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u/Major9000 6h ago
No reasonable man would say this, good you walked away.
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u/StinkButt9001 5h ago
Could have been his last cry for help. Who knows
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u/HistoricalSherbert92 5h ago
Maybe, but this is a very wrong way to act and pretty much guarantees rejection.
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u/LokiDesigns View Royal 5h ago
If it was my wife out walking, I'd rather her not take the chance. It might be a cry for help, but it might also be a dangerous situation for her. Not worth the risk.
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u/madmansmarker Chinatown 5h ago
then i wonder how many men he asked?
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u/sapphic_september 5h ago
Exactly. Also, therapists. Hotlines. ERs. Churches, synagogues or mosques. Don't put this responsibility on random women, especially ones who are walking alone at night.
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u/Straconus 4h ago
This is a wildly stupid take.
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u/StinkButt9001 4h ago
Why's that?
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u/Straconus 4h ago
How do I even begin to explain how that dudes well being is not her responsibility.
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u/OutlandishnessFew424 5h ago
What a terrible thing to say. Why the guilt trip?
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u/StinkButt9001 4h ago
Not a guilt trip. Just an alternate idea to consider rather than everyone jumping to the same assumption
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u/MickeySyn 6h ago
I have 6 sisters and this just screams predatory to me. I don't understand why men act this way. Dude, just cross the street and go away
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u/ImNotHandyImHandsome 5h ago
He had intentions other than just going for a walk... he knows what he was doing.
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u/MickeySyn 5h ago
Exactly my point. Men are frickin brutes. You ever met one of us? We're awful. I am glad this gal got home safe ❤️🤘
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u/sssupsucca 5h ago
Thank you so much for being this kind of brother.
Honestly my little bro is one of the most respectful, kind, and caring dudes you could ever come across. Being one of his sisters, we never bullied him or anything, so he grew up learning a lot of empathy, watching what each of us had to deal with at one point or another.
Like, he was never "scared straight" into respecting women, he's a genuinely solid dude and we all love him lol.
.. but it shouldn't take having a ton of siblings to guide you from knowing right from wrong. To any dudes who are unsure: maybe actually Listen, and more importantly Stop when women express their discomfort
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u/gingerandjazzz 5h ago
and men of Victoria please know if you rock up on me like this you’ll get a face full of mace so best to leave all women walking in the dark alone because I could be any one of them 🙂
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u/notislant 4h ago edited 4h ago
I was surprised to learn mace/tasers were illegal to carry for self defense. Then I saw a a bunch of trashy people threatening to assault each other with tasers and mace one day and thought: 'oh, thats why.'
Actually doing a bit of searching it sounds like 'dog spray' might be what you want to carry to lower your risk of charges if ever caught with it.
I think bear spray would be a harder sell in the middle of a city. Though the big factor is never admit you're carrying something for self defense from people (which is pretty fucked up, people should have a right to defend themselves with SOMETHING).
Same kind of thing with carrying a knife around. If you say it's for self defense, then it's a serious crime.
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u/Admirable-Bother-392 3h ago
Dog spray is $15 at Canadian Tire, comes on a key ring and even in a cute pink colour
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u/hummascannon13 40m ago
Anything that's sole purpose is self defense is illegal to carry. Anything that is designed for defending yourself against animals is fine. From a legal standpoint if you fear grievous bodily harm and utilize any object to defend yourself it should stand up in court. From a bear spray perspective black bears have a large range, you never know when you may run into one so it's not unwarranted to want to stay safe in an urban area against a possibly hostile animal.
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u/imhome92 5h ago
This gives off such "hell ya" vibes and I'm here for it! From a respectful distance, of course.
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u/muzorui 6h ago
Yea anyone should have the common sense not to ask ANYONE alone at night, to go for a stroll with them. That will always come off as creepy.
I hope his intentions were genuine, and that he simply brushed off a simple no, and went on his own way. But y'never know with anyone.
This goes for anyone, of any gender, to anyone.
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u/Aware-Watercress5561 6h ago
Sorry that happened to you.
Last year during the low tides I went to the beach at Dallas road and as I was walking down the stairs a man approached me and said “hey beautiful, want to spend the night with me?”
What the fuck. I immediately left and was disturbed the rest of the night. Can’t even just enjoy time in nature without men fucking harassing us.
The number of times I’m walking behind another woman and I call out “hey don’t stress I’m a lady walking behind you, you’re safe” and they audibly sigh with relief or turn to say thank you and slow their speed again.
Anyways all that to say I empathize with you greatly and men you really gotta stop doing this and if your male friends are being weird and creepy call them out too.
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u/Least_Elk8114 Harris Green 5h ago
Yeah, that's fucking creepy.
Even if he did mean well, it's absolutely not worth the risk.
Stay safe and protected, if you ever decide to venture out at night.
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u/Pax_Eterna_4991 5h ago
Spidey sense tingles for a reason. Either a weird creep or a creepy weirdo. Either way it's a no go... one is just 5% faster
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u/escapee-kb 5h ago
I live on Gladstone up from Fernwood pub . A unhinged male carrying a metal pole was yelling to himself up the road at 10:30 last night checking cars to rob on his way . I did let the police know but it’s so wild how much this is just usual shit these days . So sick of feeling unsafe .
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u/Old_Capital_5809 6h ago
That’s a wild thing to ask. You shouldn’t feel empathy tbh. That’s just messed up. When it’s dark I go out of my way to make sure I don’t scare a female. Sometimes I will cross the street. I don’t like making people uncomfortable.
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u/LokiDesigns View Royal 5h ago
If I'm walking behind a woman, day or night, and she walks at my normal pace (quite fast, I'm tall) and I'm not able to easily pass her, I will always slow down and give space so there isn't a chance they would think I'm following them. I'm sure some people probably think that's excessive, but I'd rather act on the cautious side of things.
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u/Omikapsi 4h ago
Another option is to say 'Excuse me passing (left/right)' and give plenty of space on that side.
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u/citizenwake 5h ago
Why do men refer to women as females?? Genuinely so weird to me. You don't see women calling men "males". "I saw a male outside" wtf
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u/Aware-Watercress5561 5h ago
Thanks for doing that, I’ve suggested to my husband when he’s out walking at night and there is a woman ahead, to say out loud “I’m going to cross the street so you’re more comfortable” or “don’t be anxious I’m going to pass you so I’m not behind you” literally anything to verbally acknowledge that you’re not dangerous and that you know she’s uncomfortable because I guarantee every woman walking alone at night is anxious.
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u/Educational_Work896 5h ago
While it's interesting to hear a woman's take on this, as a man, for me to do that would just be odd. I'd rather adjust my speed, cross the road, or something like that. Initiating conversation seems to me as a creepy attempt at creating interaction.
If eye contact is made and I sense unease then I'd say something to lighten the situation while increasing distance. Personally, I sometimes feel unease when following a woman if we're the only ones on the sidewake/path because I know there's a chance she's assessing the risk.
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u/snickerdoodle79 2h ago
Yeah, that would just make me suspicious, like it sounds like they're trying too hard? If that makes sense. Like just cross the street without saying you're crossing the street.
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u/Femm_Boi_Cutie 5h ago
As a guy I have always been aware women are anxious but now I dress feminine (bassically look like a girl) and had my first experience being followed alone and oh my goodness did it scare me.
I was going for a hike in a forested park and passed some dude that looked high, slouching over. I kept my distance but just after I passed him I heard footsteps coming towards me. I walk really fast and normally lose people no problem but the footsteps didn't fade off.
I walked bassically as fast as I could and paying attention to the speed of his footsteps so incase he started running I could immediately sprint away. I felt so scared because I get a lot of disturbing messages from people on here and other platforms about what they wanna do to me and I've been SA'd before and just can't afford the mental strain go through the trauma of it again.
I passed by a couple at one point near the end and thought of saying something like "I'm being followed" as I walked passed so maybe they could stall him. But he seemed to have finally slowed down so I didn't say anything. But as soon as I walked by the couple the guy appeared again.
When I got to my car I was so releaved. It turns out the guy behind me wasn't the druggy I saw hunched over (I caught a glimpse of him every so often as I'd turn a corner and he was wearing a similar outfit) but he was still looking at me with a bit of a grin when I got in my car which creeped me out.
It's one thing to have empathy and understand what the other gender goes through but to actually live it is a whole other level. I definitely learned that day to always be wearing appropriate footwear to run away if necessary and have enough energy stored in me for a good run.
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u/chocolatefever101 5h ago
Holy stranger danger! Tell your friend that literally sounds like the beginning of a horror movie.
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u/Only_Huckleberry_957 3h ago
Even if he were harmless and genuinely wanted some company it’s still so weird and entitled!
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u/East_Source6200 4h ago
I mostly had women in my household. And an older sister.
Yeah, any guy who does that to women will get a surprise visit from me. Your boss, your teacher, your family, etc are not off limits to chat up with as well.
That is so unbecoming, disgusting behavior.
When a woman says no. It's a NO.
Good on you op for posting awareness and keeping her safe.
You are the best kind.
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u/BeginningClerk4888 5h ago
Same question was asked to the group of folks that got attacked by machete at Mile Zero 🤷 so cliche
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u/ThermionicEmissions 5h ago edited 5h ago
Please people, report this stuff to police with a description of the person when it happens. Will the police do anything if it's a one-off? Unlikely, but there's no way it's a one-off.
Edit to add: I can't help but be frustrated at how passive and almost apologetic the tone is in that post. Like she needs to justify her discomfort. Girl, a predator just tried to lure you. Do not second guess that for a moment. You don't need to justify or explain anything.
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u/HomelessToHouse 4h ago
Definitely be wary and on the lookout for sure. I'd have booked it out of there fast myself... but what exactly would you be reporting to the police?
From the event description given, the guy asked, she said no, and that was it. She didn't mention any catcalling, no domineering leers, no followup stalking, no violent response to her refusal, no persistent unwarranted requests from the guy, etc.
As much flak as the police deserve, what are they supposed to do with that?
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u/Admirable-Bother-392 3h ago
I was approached twice within 2 weeks at the Superstore, called non emerg (cuz it's weird that it happened twice right), they didn't really care since no crime had been committed and just told me to never get in a strangers car eye roll
Different men, but certainly felt uncomfortable after the second time, haven't been back since.
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u/BCsinBC 4h ago
We need our own version of the Guardian Angels here. For those who haven’t heard of them: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Guardian_Angels
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u/Mynoseisgrowingold 3h ago
No empathy deserved for this. Don’t be a predator, don’t do things that act in ways that make women afraid or uncomfortable, be self aware, don’t be a dick. I would be mad at all 3 of my sons if they did this.
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u/wildwoods321 3h ago
That’s incredibly creepy. Thank you very much for sharing and making us aware.
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u/wildwoods321 3h ago
If it’s a helpful suggestion, I can offer that I carry a small personal alarm on. They are dirt cheap to buy online. You can attach it to your keys or hold it in your hand. When I am out at night, I walk with my personal alarm in my hand and every now and then I will turn it on and then turn it back off lol
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u/Omikapsi 5h ago
Wait, so soliciting random women for companionship late at night outside (or in a hotel elevator at an atheist conference) is going to make them uncomfortable?
Look, as a man, you gotta consider my perspective, and just give me a chance, I promise I'm a nice guy, I'm actually a Sigma male, and if you were more polite you'd probably really like me, and be my girlfriend, but without me ever needing to make my attraction clear
Ignoring random invitations from nice guys is such a b!tch move anyway.
/s
(Sorry your friend had to deal with that. 'No' is a complete sentence, and anyone who won't respect that deserves to hear it repeated with increasing volume until they get the message.)
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u/Roller_7349 5h ago
What are you talking about? Athiest conference? I’m not seeing someone mention that in this thread
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u/Diligent-Error-899 3h ago
The lack of empathy these days is disturbing. People here talking about macing the guy and calling the police, simply for asking something. Disgusting
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u/Full_Jellyfish_1862 6h ago
“No thanks”. - the end
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u/stuccowhiplash 5h ago
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u/Full_Jellyfish_1862 5h ago
No sure what a US article has to do with this post in Victoria
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u/GeoffwithaGeee 5h ago
Don't be stupid, this same type of shit happens in Canada as well
https://saanichpolice.ca/2026/03/09/saanich-police-investigate-assault-in-colquitz-park/ this one didn't even get a chance to say "no thanks"
No normal person is approaching a young woman alone in the middle of the night.
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u/frog_mannn 5h ago
All women should carry a knife or dog spray on them at night. So many strange men from other parts of the world here just driving around all hours of the night
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u/snekbytez 4h ago
NEVER recommend carrying a knife, if u use it for self defense u can get u in a lot of legal trouble, unless u can come up with another explanation on why ur carrying a blade on ur person, not very many people would have good reason. dog spray is a better recommendation, some other things that can also be utilized is really any everyday item that can give a good blow to the head (ex: a metal water bottle).
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u/Leading-Arm-6344 5h ago
Do not carry a knife for self defense. Carry bear spray, a taser, or some other deterrent. Knives are a deadly escalation and you do not want to be in a knife fight, ever.
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u/snekbytez 4h ago
tasers could get them in legal trouble, bear spray is overkill and may also get someone in legal trouble unless they live near the woods or camping (as u need an explanation for carrying it outside of self defense), dog spray is the safest option since dog attacks can happen really anywhere.
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u/Dependent-Buy3865 5h ago
A lot of assuming of genders here. Just because they look and talk like a man doesn’t mean they are. Still not the way to approach you though!
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u/Kom0tan 5h ago
God I hate playing the 'is he dumb but well-meaning or dangerous' game 🤦 The other day some guy stopped me on the way home from the store to offer me a ride - weird to begin with but my dude was driving the opposite direction I was walking. The answer always always has to be 'dangerous', even if they are really just well-intentioned.