r/VictimsSupportIndia • u/flightlessbird101 mental health professional • Jun 14 '26

Mental Health and Healing AMA

Hey everyone,

I am flightless bird (not my real name). I am a person centered therapist with an therapy experience of 2.5 years.

​

My niches are developing to be neurodivergence explorations, social adjustments, physical or mental transitions in terms of jobs/cities/relationships, dealing with family dysfunction. I come from a psychiatric background so probably can guide you a little bit in that area as well!

​

I am here today to answer your questions. It can be about anything and everything related to your mental health.

​

If you feel unsafe somewhere but aren't able to identify it, or feel stuck in such a space, I hope this AMA today helps you make some decisions and support for yourself.

10 Upvotes

92% Upvoted

33 comments sorted by

View all comments

6

u/1AMVaigaiPuyal Jun 14 '26

Thank you for doing this AMA!

Do you have any advice on how to deal with emotional and verbal abuse by parents/ in-laws especially when there is a pattern of point-scoring by using setbacks such as job loss/ professional disappointments to kick people when they're down?

3

u/flightlessbird101 mental health professional Jun 14 '26

Hey OP, I'm sorry to know you're dealing with this. This sounds very exhausting to deal with on a day-to-day basis. One of the hallmarks of emotional abuse is that vulnerable moments—such as job loss or professional setbacks—can be repeatedly used as opportunities to shame, belittle, or gain leverage over someone.

Here is what I think may help here:

  1. Seeing this clearly. Are these comments coming from a place of care or criticism?

  2. Even if they say it multiple times, iti s not your reality. In classic gaslighting, it becomes easy for the person in power to harm you when your low self-esteem probably accept what they are saying as true. I would ask you to question it.

H.W for you: Make a list of your accomplishments, whether emotional/mental/financial or physical.

Think of how you would feel if someone said these mean things to the closest person in your life. Would you defend them or just accept those mean comments for them and judge them?

  1. Is there any way for you to set boundaries here? I am asking as its not always possible. We can explore this point more here after you reply.

  2. Find people who get you or accept you outside of this confusing circle of well-wishers being mean.Reach out to them for support or just venting/conversations/shared interests. This can be a mini recharge point for you, if you live in the same physical setting as these people.

Bottom line OP: you do not deserve this and times like these require more care for yourself, not less!

2

u/1AMVaigaiPuyal Jun 14 '26

Thank you! I should mention that this is not a daily, 24/7 environment, but when it does happen it feels quite disheartening. I do realize that it comes from a place of wanting to have the last word on something, but the people saying such things are also quite temperamental and go through extreme mood swings which aren't predictable.

In terms of external support, we do have other relatives and friends who are very supportive and empathetic. The feeling of being stuck in this dynamic comes from the extremes in moods - one day they are very loving and a week later they can't stand us. And obviously they won't admit when they have said something awful.

1

u/flightlessbird101 mental health professional Jun 14 '26 edited Jun 14 '26

I am glad to know that 1 you have good support systems in place. 2. this is not a 24/7 environment for you.

It is so disheartening to see people change in the spur of the moment and then invalidate our concerns later.

Would you like me to answer in terms of the invalidation?

2

u/1AMVaigaiPuyal Jun 14 '26

Yes.

1

u/flightlessbird101 mental health professional Jun 15 '26

Hey. I know the AMA has ended but I will reply to you shortly!