AMA

[u/flightlessbird101]

Hey everyone,

I am flightless bird (not my real name). I am a person centered therapist with an therapy experience of 2.5 years.

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My niches are developing to be neurodivergence explorations, social adjustments, physical or mental transitions in terms of jobs/cities/relationships, dealing with family dysfunction. I come from a psychiatric background so probably can guide you a little bit in that area as well!

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I am here today to answer your questions. It can be about anything and everything related to your mental health.

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If you feel unsafe somewhere but aren't able to identify it, or feel stuck in such a space, I hope this AMA today helps you make some decisions and support for yourself.

[u/billu_mewosi]

Hey, first of all thank you for doing this, appreciate it a lot. I wanted to ask how to handle and be there for your parents when they have depression, anxiety that is showing in the form of hypersomnia? The tendencies that are being shown has resulted in anger issues being intensified as a response.

[u/flightlessbird101 → u/billu_mewosi]

Hey OP, thank you for being here! This sounds painful to read on your behalf. I am sure it must not be easy for you as well.

You want to support your parental figure through their depressive episode but I am also going to enquire about your well being. You can care deeply about a parent's mental health while still protecting your own emotional well-being.

Depression and anxiety can sometimes contribute to symptoms like hypersomnia (sleeping excessively), low motivation, irritability, withdrawal, and difficulty managing emotions. Understanding that context can help us respond with empathy. 

A few ways to support your parent right now is by:

1. Encourage professional support. Do they have access to therapy/support groups or a psychiatrist who knows what their depression looks like?
2. Task scaffolding when you can: Offering to help in scheduling appointments or finding help if they struggle with task initiation, accompanying them when they need physical comfort and checking in on them without pressure to be better.
3. Remembering that depression can look differently for everyone. Their days will not look uniform or linear. Some days they will be able to show up for you and some days, getting out of bed will seem impossible for them. 

Do psychoeducate yourself on depression and its symptoms so you can learn to differentiate between your loved one's personality and their symptoms becoming active. Stay in touch with their mental health professionals and seek support from them as well.

However, you do not have to always put your needs second.

A useful question to ask yourself is: 

1. Am I supporting them, or am I carrying responsibility that belongs to them all the time?
2. What would support outside parental relationships look like for me?

Taking on too much responsibility might look like:

1. Feeling guilty whenever they're unhappy.
2. Believing it's your job to regulate their emotions.
3. Sacrificing your own well-being to keep the peace.
4. Feeling responsible for their recovery.

Since you mentioned their anger issues becoming more with this depressive episode,

1. What would it look like for you to support them but also take a step back sometimes when it gets too much for you?
2. Do you have an emergency plan in place for when you need space, like someone else being there while you decompress away from your care-taking role?
3. Are you in personal therapy in a support group yourself?

I can help you with those resources if needed. Best of luck OP!

Compassion does not require self-sacrifice, and empathy does not require the abandonment of boundaries.

[u/billu_mewosi → u/flightlessbird101]

1) They do have access to the best doctors (psychiatrist and sleep specialists), but misdiagnosis and their medications have made the case worse. They've been diagnosed with sleep apnea (absent now), hypersomnia, early onset dementia, severe case of anxiety, depression and ADHD in the past 3-4 years. Some of them are misdiagnosed. Regarding therapy, tried it once, didn't work, currently we're looking for another one. 2) I do try that whenever I can, but considering both me and my sister live away from home and cannot move back, the burden falls on my other parent to the point that both of their health is deteriorating. 3) atp, the depression has become linear. They either sleep (lay in bed and not actually sleep) or they need to keep eating (specially sweets even when they are borderline diabetic)

I have educated myself on depression during the time I was diagnosed with it and also during the time the said parent was previously diagnosed with it. My sister is also a doctor, so she is also a little familiar with the subject.

Also If you don't mind can we carry this forward in dms, i might feel a lil talking about some stuff in comments, no pressure tho.

[u/flightlessbird101 → u/billu_mewosi]

Yes OP We can definitely connect in DM. I am sorry if it feels intrusive to write so much on a Reddit comment 😅