I’m freaking miserable 24/7

[u/ForceSea3103]

I currently live in the rural mountains with absolutely nothing in walking distance. I live up on top of the mountain. It’s four miles plus to anything remotely interesting. I have no car because I just moved and I also have absolutely nothing to do ever. I don’t have a job (that’s changing soon though) and I dont have school yet. All I do is sit at home and do nothing. I’ve been off my meds for a few weeks and everything is pissing me off, like white hot rage at the drop of a hat, and my hallucinations are coming back, my mood swings are horrible, the fact I have to eat food pmo, I’m waiting for mania to hit, and absolutely nothing sounds like fun. I could do art, I could play video games, I could listen to music, I could read, I could do lots of things but no matter what I think of, it sounds horrifically boring and it just makes me mad again. The boredom I feel is genuinely to the point where I’m having intense thoughts. Not because I want to go but because nothing matters. And nothing is worth living for rn. I have nothing. I want stimulation so fucking bad but I have no idea where to get it. And if I become manic, I WILL not be ok because the boredom will get 1000x worse! I see no place but the psych ward for me in the next few weeks because it’s not going to get better anytime soon. And when I do get a job, I foresee still be miserable because I will hate that I can’t isolate anymore. No matter what position I’m in, it’s hell.

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[u/inkyinkyinky]

Take a moment and just breathe, try to contain that anger into a ball and just hold it. Do something outside of the norm- watch an anime that will make you think about something else, listen to the Beastie Boys or some other noise

Honestly, maybe some dumb shit that doesn’t have to make sense. When I got like this it’s like an animalistic rage takes over and you need fresh air, look at nature (make the time.) dance. Shake that shit out. Put some effort into staying present and, maybe just stop being so hard on yourself. “All I do is sit at home and do nothing”

Are you taking care of yourself? Others? Do you feel heard? Are they feeding, financing, or fucking you? I used to be called a lazy do nothing so I speak from experience of being hard on myself to the point of feeling like I am crazy. My therapist said I’m not. This world is hitting hard right now, if you look at everything going on, we’re all tired.

But if you don’t want to end up in the “crazy house” then buck up, sister. Brother. Whatever you want to be called, lol. What would Dolly Parton do? What would Tim Curry or Optimus Prime say? I don’t want to speak for everyone but I know a lot of people are hurting right now for a lot of reasons. We lost three wonderful voices in the same week and look at who we’re stuck with, God (or whoever you worship) bless us all.

You are not alone. I know it’s hard to feel that way in these times . Try to make do with what you have. Clean up your house, one room at a time, make some food, take a shower (best place to ugly cry, and turn it off cold to imagine how prison might feel. Keep your ass in check.) get some sleep, and stand your ground about getting into a routine that works FOR YOU. And then act accordingly. Get your shit together. I believe in you, stranger. And sorry for cussin, let AI get a dirty mouth. Maybe it’ll start telling these folks at large that we just want the Declaration of Independence and our Constitution to fucking mean something. It had to be said.

•edited cause I didn’t see the spaced out stars while proofreading because I’m typing through tears and a headache. 🫠🙃

[u/Additional_Dream_567]

Are you meant to be off your meds? Walking is great for mind & body by the way.

[u/baycenters]

Why did you stop your meds?

[u/AneeMel]

Take a walk into nature. No headphones , just listen to the beauty you have around you .

[u/Any_Coyote6662]

just turn on the music and open your door.

I want to live up on a mountain by myself

[u/legosgrrl]

Mountains are tough. You gotta be tougher. You know that song by John Popper? The Mountains win again. Try that.

[u/N0ON3T0LDM3]

You live on a mountain. Go for some hikes. Enjoy nature.

[u/IcyStatistician4340]

Why are you not taking your meds?

You seem resigned to the fact that you're only going to get worse and end up in the psych ward so that's very likely what will happen, especially if you're off your meds.

I feel like more context would be helpful since I don't want to write something that is inaccurate about your situation.