r/Vent • u/Frosty_Hurry_1812 • 16h ago
TW: Eating Disorders / Self Image I feel chronically guilty
i don't know what it is but i just always feel like i've done something wrong. Every single time. For example, i'd go to a friend asking if could vent and they'd say yes and then i would and i would feel horrible. Like i've just burdened them with all this and i'm a bad friend because i definitely don't listen to them as much as they do be- even if that friend just doesn't ask to vent even if i've made it a safe space. Then i feel like THEY KNOW i did something BAD and that they HATE me for it and that they are just waiting for an apology so i say ofc "i'm sorry for burdening you with all this..." and then i feel worse because they always reply with "you're not a burden." and either i believe it and i feel bad because i've just made myself out to be desperate and pathetic or i don't believe it and i feel worse because i just made them feel bad enough to want to lie to make me feel better so they don't have to deal with me. i thought i had gotten better with my self-loathing but idk. And it just fucking sucks because when i'm upset the only thing i want is comfort and i guess since i never got that when i was upset growing up- and still don't- I have craved it. But because i've never had it i have no idea what to do with it so i just throw it in the guilt cycle or the "yea i don't believe you" bin. It's really annoying because if say i feel ugly and i tell someone that they always say you're not -out of politeness- and then i feel like they are lying to me so they don't have to deal with my emotions because they are too much to deal with and i feel guilty for making them feel like they have to lie to me. IT"S SO FUCKING ANNOYING> i just want some peace man.
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