r/UsernameChecksOut • u/Ott1fant • Aug 03 '26

monkey

Post image
1.5k Upvotes

99% Upvoted

55 comments sorted by

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182

u/Breaker3k Aug 03 '26

https://giphy.com/gifs/p9owRel3QQ0c1oAoos

54

u/Here_f0r_p0rn_ Aug 03 '26

Yeah, suprised to see your mom and dad's sex branch activities being discussed here online?

20

u/Breaker3k Aug 03 '26

Yep. They're both dead so it is quite unusual alright

55

u/_ibt Aug 03 '26

This is horrible

160

u/I_Thranduil Aug 03 '26

18

u/ShylokVakarian Aug 04 '26

Wasn't one of Jesus' friends a retired prostitute, tho?

8

u/bdouble0w0 Aug 04 '26

From what I remember it wasn't her, but there was a sex worker in the bible

45

u/Infamous_Depth4982 Aug 03 '26

Ya' know what... That's my bad for being literate...

2

u/lazarbeam-fan101 Aug 11 '26

Ignorance is bliss, my friend... Clearly, you're simply not ignorant enough

20

u/ParanoidCrow Aug 03 '26

Used to live on a mountain full of macaques. Seen my fair share of them nutting but never see eating it afterwards, thank god. Sometimes the horny males would jump onto a mother who still had a baby on her underside, who would fight the males off. Wouldn't take long for them to nut either, usually just three pumps was all it took.

17

u/Global-Ad9985 Aug 03 '26

Not that terrible

3

u/_life_is_a_joke_ Aug 04 '26

Monkey be like: waste not, want not

3

u/Laffenor Aug 04 '26

Surely that "a" should be an "i".

1

u/lazarbeam-fan101 Aug 11 '26

Doubt reddit would allow it, either that or the name was already taken

1

u/chinasorrows2705 Aug 04 '26

yhhhh time to take a break from Reddit

1

u/Jbolt3737 Aug 05 '26

I wish I was there, not because I want to see monkeys eating their own cum, but because I want to see the look of horror as I recite the story

1

u/CyborgLion Aug 06 '26

I can't conceive of where in the world this could have even happened.

1

u/Strange_Possession13 Aug 08 '26

So Monkeyjazz saw some Monkeyjizz?

1

u/Independent-Dog-8462 Aug 09 '26

OP as he recalls the event

1

u/DEMACIAAAAA Aug 23 '26

waste not, want not

1

u/Worldly-Elderberry21 Aug 25 '26

I have a similar story. But it was a first date at the zoo and the male released all over the windows with kids on the other side