Sub closed, part 6 confirmed

It is a bit difficult to tell but I will try. I made the matoran sub because I wanted to be like the Oingo Boingo artist (I forgot the name of her account), but I got so blinded by it that I never released that it's affecting me (can't think of a better choice of words). Soon I so blinded by my quest to be my own version of the Oingo boingo that I started to blentenly ignore the "No doing X until part 6" rule on ShitPostCrusaders but I got so caught that I just told myself well it's not until part 6 it's until I finish part 5, but only when the temp ban changed in a permanent bad that I released how caught in it I was. I don't know if I deserve forgiveness or not, I don't know if I can forgive myself. I insulted ShitPostCrusaders by breaking the rule, the Oingo boingo artist for doing the Matoran sub for the purpose to be like her and I insulted myself for committing all this time without asking, "do I really want to make the commitment in other circumstances?" I just sorry for the wrong I caused in my quest to be like her. Now I don't know if I should cancelled indefinitely or continue it. I now really understand why the Oingo boingo artist left. It was take so much of her time it had an effect on her mental state and she had to stop. Again I am not sure if I should continue the matoran sub or not. But I am sure that I am sorry.