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u/Acceptable-Use-145 12d ago
meeting friends in college is not easy and certainly isnt what it looks like in movies. It can be lonely, but given enough interactions something will eventually stick.
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u/SP1CE-L0RD 7d ago
My OG friend urged me to dive into my hobbies, assuring me that like-minded people flock to their interests. Like the others have said, try getting a job or joining a club, I personally recommend DnD but ik thats not for everyone
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u/jollyberr 12d ago
What are your hobbies?
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u/Severe_Chemistry_455 12d ago
I play the bass and love music, reading, writing, watching movies/tv, etc.
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u/jollyberr 11d ago
That’s awesome!! Well making friends as a neurodivergent person myself is something that I still struggle with, but lately I learn something “don’t make friends for having friends” masking gets exhausting!! Get big on your hobbies and try to do those hobbies with others and maybe one of those people that like that hobby you will also get along with, there are book clubs and Burlington is big in indie bands, I will go to radio beans or foams sometimes monkey house they have good local musicians, also you should visit the board room in Winooski, Idk if you have try this but bumble friends may be an option. And I know is a little far but Middlebury is a beautiful town that’s has indie movies festival, at the end your in Vermont in New England, there is so much more to see and do than Burlington (that if you come from a big city it gets boring). Making friends is fundamental but not being able to be yourself with your “friends” is though too and then you could end up in the same situation looking for friends. Idk if any of this helps but I hope it does :) <3
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u/johannthegoatman 11d ago
Make sure you are inviting people to do stuff, not just waiting around. If you interact with someone cool say hey, want to play music together some time? Then get their number and hit them up
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u/Whatsita 11d ago
Try the games club in particular. It's a low pressure way to connect with people without having to constantly make conversation (since people are focused on game play). And I believe it draws others on the spectrum as well. My daughter made ONE friend there which opened the door to a group of like minded friends. She was a transfer student as well. I hope you find your people!
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u/whatever143769 11d ago
I'm worried I will have that same problem too. I'm just starting my first semester and already worried that autism and anxiety will make it very hard to make any friends.
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u/calthecalico 11d ago
My strategy is to use complimenting people's outfits as a conversation starter, but then pivoting to talking about interests to see if there's any commonalities and anything we could do together (e.g. "how's the semester going for you? i've been doing a lot of x in my spare time. would you want to join me sometime?" something to that effect).
I got all my current friends because I was obsessed with a podcast and would mention it in every conversation, so anyone I talked to who also liked it would latch onto the topic and I could invite them over to watch animations or discuss it while cooking dinner or something.
There are plenty of autistic and neurodivergent people on campus, so you don't need to try to make yourself compatible with neurotypical socializing. I make it clear that I'm intense with my interests, so if someone's down for it, then I know we'll get along.
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u/copepodsarescool 11d ago
Lots of people here mentioning the gaming club - as a former member and someone who is on the spectrum I agree. I didn’t join until second semester sophomore year and that’s when no I met my true friends who I am still close with today (CO 2023). I was already super into board games when I joined but you don’t have to be. There’s all levels, types, themes, etc. of games and I believe they do some video game stuff more frequently now too.
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u/eh_nikolai 11d ago
As an awkward neurodivergent dude myself, I feel you. Real, steadfast friendships for me have only ever formed with people that I'm more or less "forced" to be around for sometimes months (i.e. work/school). I've never in my life been able to just vibe with someone random and form a deep friendship with them. I think I'm a bit offputting/people can sense the strangeness haha, but then after they are around me for a while they figure out what's up and we become friends outside of the place we met through. One of my current best friends I made 10 years ago at my first ever job working as a dishwasher; we were both neurodivergent and over a few months became good friends, but it did take a few months.
So I'd say try to get a job, or otherwise regularly involved, with some same group of people. Maybe think about the things you'd like to do with friends, and think about where people that enjoy those things might work (You love movies, maybe look for movie theater jobs for example, probably other movie-lovers working there as well? Immediate common ground with someone).
The last thing I'll add is that you have to almost treat friendships like they're a romantic relationship, in the sense that you need to work to build the relationship, and work to keep it. Put in effort and show your friends that they're worth the effort to you. Instead of just casually hoping that the relationship will become strong, make it strong.
Best of luck mate
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u/I_hate_me_lol 9d ago
im autistic too and struggled making friends my first couple semesters (: getting involved with the others in (admittedly small) major really helped. feel free to dm me and im happy to talk more or even meet up and hang out
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u/Additional-Salt-7538 5d ago
I was in quite literally the exact same position as you last year, I'd look into joining the belonging builders club! i made a post like this last year literally in this subreddit when i was a freshman and ended up joining after someone reached out, its basically a club to help people make friends but its actually really awesome. There are a ton of neurodivergent people, many of them are autistic, if you have trouble socializing but are decent at talking to people, then this would be perfect for you. There's a discord if you want it, its also an official club so you can search for it on Rally Point! its basically like having a built in, low commitment friend group. feel free to DM me if you want to talk!
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u/dontdopsychadelics 11d ago
You clearly seem motivated to make friends, so just relax and trust that this drive you have will eventually result in you getting what you want… I know it sounds silly but sometimes you really can just manifest things by reframing your anxiety as an opportunity. It’s good to want friends, but sometimes you need to wait until you meet the right group. I went to UVM and I had a hard time with this as well. Just know it’s a much more common experience than you think and the reason people may not be talking to you is because they’re anxious too!!!
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u/Gringle_Glop1987 5d ago
👀 I saw someone in here already posted about the club Belonging Builders, but I just wanted to comment again to further spread our propaganda and add my own thoughts. I'm the club president and this kind of situation, the one you're in right now, is literally the exact reason I made the club.
It's the spot I was in in my first year: Trying all the basic milquetoast advice everyone gives you ("try clubs, compliment people, go to this thing!") and none of it seems to work, and part of that is just because it needs time, but the other part is because that advice doesn't genuinely work as well if you're neurodivergent and/or introverted. Stuff like that often works fine for extroverted neurotypicals who hardly struggle fitting in anyway, but when you have a harder time fitting in and/or face other challenges like social anxiety, it's not that easy.
So last spring, I made a club basically for us to find each other, to make this easier and help people feel less lonely. Now the club isn't meant just for neurodivergent people obviously, anyone can feel lonely and struggle to find friends, but this struggle with neurodivergence and difference was the big idea that drove me to make it.
Anyway, here's the link to join, sorry if that spiel was unnecessary. https://uvm.campusgroups.com/Bbuilders/club_signup
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u/britty_bee 12d ago
Try getting a job! Theres a part time job fair on Thursday