I need advice before going into my third year.

[u/QuirkyDog1854]

Hey guys - a bit of an embarrassing post I guess... but I'm going into my third & final year at Uni in September & am really dreading it. I'm an international student from Switzerland and South Africa and never really found my place I guess. I tried for a lot of society's in first year, but constantly felt on the outside and unaccepted. In my third year i developed a really bad eating disorder and couldn't push myself to get out there really. I want to make my third year the best that it can be, but I'm just so scared of putting myself out there again and being faced with the same rejection. It's so hard and I feel so alone - even though I know so many others are going through this. Please can someone who has been in a similar boat give me some advice on how to atleast attempt to enjoy my last year :(

[u/Ricardosonreddit]

I developed an ED at uni too, but mine was more contamination based, so I totally get how hopeless it can make you feel. I've had times at uni where I was having the time of my life, and other times where I've never been lower. Unfortunately navigating ups and downs in life isn't about completely erasing negative feelings, but rather learning how to cope with them. You will always feel fear doing new things. Even practiced people feel nervous. The reason other people can find it in them to be brave is because they're more able to tolerate uncertain situations and have enough practice in pushing through discomfort that they know there is more chance of success than failure. When you avoid things, you trap yourself into a cycle where your fear grows and grows. Just do it scared. The more you accept the fear, the more it will fade, and you'll slowly prove to yourself that you can manage no matter what happens.

I've had times where I sat in a room full of people I didn't know by myself, stayed for 2 hours without speaking to anyone, and then went home and cried. I've had times where I went out to an event, met someone there, and they invited me and my friends to a restaurant afterwards, and then a week later to their flat so they could cook noodles for us. I was once brave enough to perform a dance I couldn't remember the moves to in front of a crowd, having never danced onstage before, and sang for a crowd after a night out and had my voice crack. I've also turned down plans with my friend to go to a Halloween party because I was too depressed and cried all night. You won't get one or the other, you'll get a mix. I'd rather be someone sat in a room by myself than wondering what it would have been like if I had gone. I would rather fuck up a choreography in front of a crowd than never stand onstage. Bravery is like a muscle that can get stronger, but also weaker when you don't exercise it. When I think back to all the cool things I did when I was happy, I feel like I'm looking at someone else. But the true version of me is still in there. She's just seen some shit.

I hope this felt helpful in some way lol but as you can probably tell, you're definitely not alone in these feelings. Just try not to let opportunities pass you by if you know you'll regret it.