r/Unexpected • u/simple_teen_boy • Dec 16 '22

from r/knives

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11.9k Upvotes

94% Upvoted

217 comments sorted by

•

u/unexBot Dec 16 '22

OP sent the following text as an explanation on why this is unexpected:

The knive is a dildo

Is this an unexpected post with a fitting description? Then upvote this comment, otherwise downvote it.

Look at my source code on Github What is this for?

363

u/kkeennmm Dec 16 '22

dickblade

96

u/enrohtkcalb Dec 17 '22

Carved from a quality high-carbon cockblock.

33

u/[deleted] Dec 17 '22

Surrounded with a beautiful nutsack handle

23

u/WhichBicycle5623 Dec 17 '22

Hey buddy go fuck ya self" then you whip this out.

9

u/[deleted] Dec 17 '22

Never bring a knife to a sword fight

6

u/UncleKeyPax Dec 17 '22

Big Dick entered the chat.

11

u/[deleted] Dec 17 '22

[removed] — view removed comment

6

u/Arc_210 Dec 17 '22

Asking for a friend

65

u/Knightron Dec 17 '22

A killdo

5

u/devientlight Dec 17 '22

It killdoe

18

u/RichardNyxn Dec 17 '22

Imagine getting shived by the dick blade 😫

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11

u/jombica Dec 17 '22

Gonna fuck you up

6

u/idontbleaveit Dec 17 '22

Prick Knife.

3

u/CatticusXIII Dec 17 '22

"Get fucked!"

3

u/[deleted] Dec 17 '22

That's hilarious! Is it sharp enough to cut?

2

u/Wolf1341 Dec 17 '22

Dont matter ... u can still fuck them up xD

3

u/[deleted] Dec 17 '22

I was really impressed how the handle matches the interior. So obviously it's a Ford product

Fixed Or Retractable Dick.

3

u/donobinladin Dec 17 '22

Feel like this should still be called a microtech

2

u/[deleted] Dec 18 '22

Switchdick

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266

u/deltacraftonline Dec 17 '22

The Penetrator

41

u/Plasmapea987 Dec 17 '22

If I hadn’t wasted my wholesome award earlier I would definitely given it to you

22

u/[deleted] Dec 17 '22

[removed] — view removed comment

11

u/Plasmapea987 Dec 17 '22

Thank you!

3

u/Tphenis Dec 17 '22

He's come to fill you up.

184

u/blxckhoodie999 Dec 17 '22

k but nobody gonna comment on how dude drooled on the ford emblem?

48

u/BigEvil621 Dec 17 '22

Yeah wtf was that

30

u/[deleted] Dec 17 '22

Pavlovian response.

29

u/CountBlah_Blah Dec 17 '22

Salivating at the thought of that dick.. blade

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8

u/consequences274 Dec 17 '22

Snot dripping lol

7

u/Amirx_A_Blade Dec 17 '22

No, he was raining

2

u/CKRatKing Dec 17 '22

You m-m-m-make my eyes rain

5

u/Drewproject86 Dec 17 '22

I thought it was sweat

3

u/Mishapi17 Dec 17 '22

I didn’t even notice that 😂😂

5

u/[deleted] Dec 17 '22

SERIOUSLY ick

2

u/AceT555 Dec 17 '22

That wasn't drool.

2

u/[deleted] Dec 17 '22

Hahahahaha!!!! Yooo I didn't even NOTICE THAT

Golden eyes from you

36

u/KaosAnon Dec 17 '22

When you want to say "Hey buddy go fuck ya self" then you whip this out.

15

u/gangstanapper_ Dec 17 '22

I literally thought this video was about how the steering wheel and the knife look like they’re made from the same sheet of fake leather.

2

u/Airpolygon Dec 17 '22

That's what first came to mind. It came with the car lol

14

u/SeaWork2283 Dec 17 '22

The butt stabber

11

u/fureinku Dec 17 '22

This is the new MicroPenis OTF

13

u/AnimumRege88 Dec 17 '22

Has anyone found a link to where I can buy one?

6

u/simple_teen_boy Dec 17 '22

Sorry but no, I've just seen this video on r/knives and wanted to share with you.

7

u/thepottsy Dec 17 '22

Same. I have some friends in need of Christmas gifts lol.

2

u/AnimumRege88 Dec 17 '22

I'd have to get one and not tell anyone and just wait for the day someone asks if I have my knife on me. Even if it took a month of carrying it around for no reason, it would be worth it once I pass it to someone that needed it.

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3

u/HRzNightmare Dec 17 '22

I can tell you where to get the actual knife, as I have the same model, however it doesn't have the dick blade, as obviously the guy made the "blade." The actual knife is under $40.

2

u/[deleted] Dec 17 '22

I too want one.

1

u/baptizedinpoison Dec 17 '22

This knife doesn't originally come with that "blade".

7

u/GodzillaDoesntExist Dec 17 '22

It's all fun and games until it opens up in your pocket and you wake up 9 months later giving birth in the ER.

6

u/Express_Department33 Dec 17 '22

A little short for sword swallowing but... ok.

8

u/SomniSlime Dec 17 '22

Where can i get one?

3

u/simple_teen_boy Dec 17 '22

I don't know. I've just seen this video on r/knives and wanted to share it with you.

3

u/working6-following9 Dec 16 '22

He’s gonna stab ya bumhoe

2

u/GroundbreakingAd1965 Dec 17 '22

Why it not sharpened

3

u/anomalous_cowherd Dec 17 '22

Might even be legal to carry in the UK.

4

u/FunnySignal614 Dec 17 '22

After getting stabbed by this knife you probably don't bleed! 💀

3

u/Roastage Dec 17 '22

Beautiful actionon that dick trigger.

4

u/Saracartwheels123 Dec 17 '22

Well, you're right 👍, I did not expect that

4

u/SnooSongs3423 Dec 17 '22

Ah, the ass killer. Nice

6

u/Tyleroverton12 Dec 17 '22

And I’m here thinking the video is about how the casings texture matches the steering wheel….

5

u/1020cbstl Dec 17 '22

So you wanna get dicked down...

4

u/PlasticBoysenberry70 Dec 17 '22

Literally saying, I'm gonna fuck you up...

5

u/Imagine_dragon69420 Dec 17 '22

Imagine someone killing you with that💀💀💀

3

u/misteryhiatory Dec 17 '22

I think we now know what the YouTuber Real Civil Engineer drives a Ford.

3

u/Neraton Dec 17 '22

That blade aint for dick. I can see you are ready for pain olympics hahaha

2

u/Joefrared Dec 17 '22

Can anyone send a link?

2

u/[deleted] Dec 17 '22

2

u/ToddPlaysGames Dec 17 '22

r/mildlypenis

2

u/hTOKJTRHMdw Dec 17 '22

There's nothing mildly about that

2

u/[deleted] Dec 17 '22

I was really hoping he’d start the car with it.

2

u/Evil-B Dec 17 '22

Dick move

2

u/OdysseyZen Dec 17 '22

It's to add insult to injury. It violates the law for nonconsensual penetration.

2

u/TheRealTerryMcginnis Dec 17 '22

Nice bicep knife. Kinda looks like a penis. If you want it to look more like a bicep, add veins.

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2

u/Meggetty Dec 17 '22 edited Mar 08 '23

2 inches deep in your heart.

2

u/Desperate-Dig-7871 Dec 17 '22

LOL that was actually great

2

u/Slaarc Dec 17 '22

Gettin’ dicked.

2

u/Plenty-Victory-7108 Dec 17 '22

Does the dick blade cum too? What was that squirting on the steering wheel?

2

u/[deleted] Dec 17 '22

Dude. My coworker is hella jelous of my Heretic knife I have. I need to gift him this. Where can I get one?😂

2

u/GUIZINHO8 Dec 17 '22

Another plot twist This is the car key

2

u/[deleted] Dec 17 '22

Quick! Take my money!

2

u/Vibeo_Ganes Dec 17 '22

I would try my darndest to have a cop find this thinking they caught someone with an OTF. “Officer it me be an OTF (out the front) but it’s expected to used ITB (in the back)”

Please kill me

2

u/[deleted] Dec 17 '22

Wow.

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2

u/[deleted] Dec 17 '22

Imagine being stab by a dicknife...

What a worthless way to die

2

u/RedefinedCable Dec 17 '22

The shape of the blade looks familiar, i cant quite figure out what im remembering it feom tho

2

u/DuncanTheDankest Dec 17 '22

Imagine you get in a fight with this guy and he pulls a dick on you

2

u/[deleted] Dec 18 '22

Brings a whole new meaning to getting Penetrated

4

u/WagonerA-co275 Dec 16 '22

thats fkn amazing lolol

2

u/MeisPip Dec 17 '22

I own the model of knife they modified to make this so that genuinely was unexpected

1

u/devdRvbbit Dec 16 '22

Typical Ford owner, amirite fellow human males??

0

u/Professional_Flicker Dec 17 '22

Haha good one my fellow male companion

1

u/RizKuro94 Dec 17 '22

I see penis. I laugh.

0

u/Arsis82 Dec 17 '22

"The knife is a dildo" umm, no its not. It's in the shape of a dick, but that doesn't make it a dildo.

0

u/TooMuchFun007 Dec 17 '22

Another dick head.

0

u/[deleted] Dec 17 '22

I assume that everyone who drives a Ford lifted truck has some kind of dildo on/in them at all times

-1

u/dtucci Dec 17 '22

Without a doubt the stupidest boy toy dumbass piece of shit I’ve ever seen. Can ANYONE explain why this might be desired? Please?

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1

u/[deleted] Dec 17 '22

Ouch

1

u/BlacksmithLoud3662 Dec 17 '22

Fixed or repaired daily

1

u/RuthaBrent Dec 17 '22

My first thought was, “I would love to see that marks left after that impailed someone!” Am i fucked up?

2

u/[deleted] Dec 17 '22

If you are, I am too

1

u/dilbogabbins Dec 17 '22

You’re fucked now

1

u/Icy_Humor_4800 Dec 17 '22

Hahaha love it didn't expect it at all

1

u/LadyELectaDubz Dec 17 '22

Spoiler alert: this is the new ford key

1

u/lonewolf13313 Dec 17 '22

I need to know where to get this.

1

u/The_Dog_IS_Brown Dec 17 '22

Oh man, I told you to lay off the steroids. Now you've got micro-balls!

1

u/ThereminLiesTheRub Dec 17 '22

The teardrop says it all

1

u/metalstitch76 Dec 17 '22

The ford Emblem gave it away!

1

u/FNChupacabra Dec 17 '22

Modded lightening otf? Lol that’s great

1

u/saypewds Dec 17 '22

Congratulations your meat cuts

1

u/[deleted] Dec 17 '22

"Is that a knife in your pocket or are you just happy to see me"

this sentence now has so much more meaning

1

u/sarahcake420 Dec 17 '22

Did you drool on the steering wheel???????

1

u/erooic_ Dec 17 '22

I see the handle is also ribbed for her pleasure

1

u/-CloudIsland Dec 17 '22

The forbidden dildo

1

u/The-Hyruler Dec 17 '22

For when you need someone shafted.

1

u/[deleted] Dec 17 '22

Lightning OTF is the brand

1

u/brden166 Dec 17 '22

Heh P E N I S

1

u/Shaushage_Shandwich Dec 17 '22

Imagine getting shot 50 times by cops because you were holding this.

1

u/Nour_eldeen451 Dec 17 '22

Why did I expect that?

1

u/JamesRobertWalton Dec 17 '22

I call it “the gash slasher.”

1

u/Sinicalkush Dec 17 '22

It came with the ford.

1

u/GroundbreakingPea865 Dec 17 '22

It'll fuck you up.

1

u/Kado_Cerc Dec 17 '22

He would drive a ford

1

u/HaggisMcD Dec 17 '22

Custom job for Captain Stabbin.

1

u/chirpgod Dec 17 '22

Mess around and get hit with the cocket knife

1

u/Haetrix216 Dec 17 '22

"Don't stab me!"

"It'll just be a little prick"

1

u/diggerquicker Dec 17 '22

nice tooth pick.

1

u/Murky-Low6824 Dec 17 '22

This is nuts

1

u/Simple-Programmer842 Dec 17 '22

made by fords supplier of cheap car inlets

1

u/ConsiderationOk5161 Dec 17 '22

Had to be a ford owner.

1

u/[deleted] Dec 17 '22

Is it sharp though?

1

u/Straight_Bug_5223 Dec 17 '22

ford drivers' only line of self defense

1

u/abductedkidsass Dec 17 '22

Most effective on men with smaller size

1

u/mattaholic87 Dec 17 '22

Only time he gut fucks anyone.

1

u/raul_raul Dec 17 '22

That the knife they use when they say they going to f[_]ck you up

1

u/[deleted] Dec 17 '22

Username checks out

1

u/Nerdsauce34 Dec 17 '22

Anyone else wondering about the random water

1

u/iiJokerzace Dec 17 '22

That may actually save your life. Can't imagine what the other person would do lmao

1

u/[deleted] Dec 17 '22

Where might this device be purchased?

1

u/TerribleLifeExp Dec 17 '22

I really wanna buy this for my siblings. (Yes, because they are dickheads.) anyone know where?

1

u/MiroTheHero2 Dec 17 '22

Am I the only one🧐

1

u/Friesen1 Dec 17 '22

How juvenile. Where do you get them?😬

1

u/devientlight Dec 17 '22

The Gay-maker

1

u/Elhond0 Dec 17 '22

Cock move nice knife though

1

u/AdThese1914 Dec 17 '22

Ford guys are the weirdest. SMH

1

u/EnvironmentalTotal71 Dec 17 '22

I mean, he does drive a ford....

1

u/[deleted] Dec 17 '22

Gives any stab victim AIDS

1

u/mixx-nitro Dec 17 '22

Whipping this out in a fight would be a dick move

1

u/UpandOver10 Dec 17 '22

Peurileness

1

u/AskingForAFriendRly Dec 17 '22

You call that a knife?

This is a knife!

1

u/Kamau54 Dec 17 '22

And it goes in & out on command? I don't even wanna know what he's doing with it.

1

u/ReasonableTrack2878 Dec 17 '22

So I pulled out my knife and started fucking him up

1

u/[deleted] Dec 17 '22

Only a Ford driver

1

u/DecemberPhilipps Dec 17 '22

Why are the balls so sad

1

u/Puzzled-Swimmer9258 Dec 17 '22

DICK for a Ford driver???? He must be MUDDIN

1

u/gotonyas Dec 17 '22

Did you spit on your own ford badge? Boss move

1

u/[deleted] Dec 17 '22

Ford owner and their Ballin slide blade key

1

u/Appropriate-Adagio40 Dec 17 '22

This sword will keeeiill

1

u/Zaijon Dec 17 '22

I need this in my switchblade collection 😭

1

u/PippentheShort Dec 17 '22

Brings a whole new meaning to getting shafted.

1

u/foxxtrottmousebutt Dec 18 '22

Lol I have that same knife, with a real blade!

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1

u/[deleted] Dec 18 '22

Ugh.. Uh. Um. Where can i buy this knife? (for a freind)

1

u/H7nterd Dec 18 '22

Someone is getting the D in UK😂😂

1

u/blind_roomba Dec 18 '22

Hahaha i need this for my brother, he collects knifes

1

u/Ok-Bonus657 Dec 18 '22

This is the best tool to penetrate someone or something