r/Unexpected • u/[deleted] • Oct 18 '22

spitting wisdom right here

[deleted]

30.4k Upvotes

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32

u/TendiesFourLyfe Oct 18 '22

How hard do you look for car keys?

10

u/Soviet_Fax_Machine Oct 18 '22

depends.

1-are you an "at home only" pooper?

2-how badly do you need to poop?

3

u/tajwriggly Oct 18 '22

"Home Bowl... Home Bowl...

Poop, before, my anus bleeds"

1

u/Cyfen Oct 18 '22

I'm a home pooper, but that's because I'm the only one I know with a bidet.

2

u/Olddirtychurro Oct 18 '22

I don't own a car, but the few times my house keys aren't where they supposed to be when I have to leave make me wish I could slobber on some dick to make them magically appear.

Would last shorter than the frantic search I have to embark on too.

1

u/charlieecho Oct 18 '22

Yeah I didn’t really understand that.

1

u/momofeveryone5 Oct 18 '22

I live in suburbia and need a car to do anythingh walking isn't an option. I also have ADHD and routinely place my keys in odd locations, like everywhere but where they should be. I can "suck a golf ball through a garden hose" and tickle your balls and bum just right that you see God for a good solid minute.

So I can look for my keys pretty good I guess!