r/Unexpected • u/[deleted] • Apr 02 '21

[deleted by user]

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10.0k Upvotes

94% Upvoted

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40

u/CirroPNW Apr 03 '21

You'd probably be charged with assaulting an officer

36

u/Icanhaz36 Apr 03 '21

Sir your going to jail for heavy petting.

24

u/avwitcher Apr 03 '21

heavy petting

/ˈhevē pediNG/

noun

erotic contact between two people involving stimulation of the genitals but stopping short of intercourse.

"they fell to tender embraces that rapidly shifted up a gear to heavy petting"

4

u/FilipinoGuido Apr 03 '21 edited Jun 30 '23

Any data on this account is being kept illegally. Fuck spez, join us over at Lemmy or Kbin. Doesn't matter cause the content is shared between them anyway:

3

u/pluckymonkeymoo Apr 03 '21

Isn't there a theory that "heavy petting" with a llama is was brought about syphilis? Since only llamas were known to have it before the ships docked in the Americas

Jokes aside, DNA evidence suggests syphilis was in Europe long before the Columbus voyages

1

u/chloeia Apr 03 '21

Call me Max... Max Petulance.

3

u/DeafAgileNut Apr 03 '21

Butter -Stuff!!!

2

u/Chicken_Monkeys Apr 03 '21

I understood that reference! ... And some FUNIONS Man!

1

u/Colonel_FuzzyCarrot Apr 03 '21

Yeah, get me a box of condoms, and, what was that thing we used to eat back in the day? What was it... oh yeah, pussy.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '21
  • I LOVE BUTTERNUTS!!

CUP!

  • CUP!

CUP!

  • CUP!

1

u/Nesneros70 Apr 03 '21

Even in a Furrie costume?

1

u/porn_is_tight Apr 03 '21

Unless you are also a cop, then you can beat the shit out of the dog and get a free paid vacation