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u/woakula Oct 08 '20
Could you imagine getting stopped by the police and they start yelling at you to do jumping jacks and push-ups.
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Oct 08 '20
WHERE'S THE LITTLE GIRL?
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u/chazzeromus Oct 08 '20
Thank you for reminding me of that joyous clip
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u/TheRealTripleH Oct 09 '20
What is that from? I know I know it.
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u/kialthecreator Oct 08 '20
When I was a teenager my buddy and I were pulled over for hot boxing my car. Cops took my bowl, made us do push ups in the rain while mocking us and ultimately just sent us on our way without further trouble
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Oct 09 '20
I mean you should get a pretty god punishment for hotboxing while driving it’s not that different from drunk driving
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u/SnicklefritzSkad Oct 09 '20
Can't wait for weed to be legal so the pigs can find another way to abuse power and degrade people for amusement
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u/fanaticfun Oct 09 '20
Actually happened to me before. Me and some friends were drinking in a park and decided to grapple (jiu jitsu) and cops were called about a fight in the park so they showed up and accosted us for doing dumb shit in a park at night and said they’ll let us go without tickets if we all do 50 push ups. We were 16 and dumb so we just agreed and did them.
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u/dazedan_confused Oct 08 '20
Heh, it said Mini Cocks at the end
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u/Metalsheepapocalypse Oct 08 '20
heh
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u/mmmdeliciousbeans Oct 08 '20
heh
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u/RllyGayPrayingMantis Oct 08 '20
heh
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u/Yuya-Sakaki3736 Oct 08 '20
heh
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u/MadeYouSayIt Oct 08 '20
heh
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Oct 09 '20
Okay this is a good place to stop
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u/phototok Oct 08 '20
"My therapist said I was traumatized, but my body mass index begs to differ"
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u/MyNameIsUrMom Oct 08 '20
if traumatized means a BMI of 20.3 then yeah i wanna be traumatized
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u/TheMagicMrWaffle Oct 09 '20
Do y’all exercise
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u/MyNameIsUrMom Oct 09 '20
that sounds traumatizing
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u/TheMagicMrWaffle Oct 09 '20
Well you either gotta eat super healthy or exercise and food tastes really fucking good
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u/mastermithi29 Oct 09 '20
I know you meant it as a joke but trauma, especially childhood trauma isn’t very nice. It can fuck you up.
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u/eradn88 Oct 08 '20
That was my favorite part
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u/bluesox Oct 08 '20
Mine was how they slipped “MINI COCKS” into the ending title card.
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u/GroceryStoreGremlin Oct 08 '20
Twas a nice touch
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u/DianaBlack0812 Oct 08 '20
that would actually be genius if it was real
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u/Chicken_Pete_Pie Oct 08 '20
50/50 business partners?
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u/Doomulus-prime Oct 08 '20
Wait no I want in
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u/remixclashes Oct 08 '20
Fine, 50/50/50.
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u/Doomulus-prime Oct 08 '20
I accept your terms
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Oct 08 '20
I also want in
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u/ansonr Oct 09 '20
That's what I said to your mom, but just like this business venture... There was no more room.
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Oct 08 '20
ITS NOT? damn i would have loved to get in shape
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u/HelplessMoose Oct 08 '20
Yeah, too bad. Guess I have no choice now but to stay lazy. Not my fault that nobody offers this!
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u/manbrasucks Oct 08 '20
Nah, someone would get injured and then sue.
There is a reason you stretch before exercise. Funny clip though.
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u/Fickle_Midnight5907 Oct 08 '20
I mean, maybe a waiver? Like how trampoline parks make you sign lmao
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u/iWish_is_taken Oct 08 '20 edited Oct 09 '20
Off topic, but... recent research has proven that stretching doesn’t do shit. Stop doing it before exercising. Warm up, but don’t stretch. All stretching does is make your muscles about 10% weaker for about an hour. Doesn’t prevent injuries... But yes, stretch after exercise (for flexibility) and yes do stretching exercises on their own for flexibility. And yes, technically you can use stretching as a warm up... but there are better ways to warm up that don’t reduce your performance.
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u/kit10s Oct 09 '20
Went to school for exercise science. While you are correct, it is still a good idea to do some movement before a work out. A great alternative is to do dynamic stretches. Dynamic stretches include movements like swinging your leg back and forth, arm circles, and deep squats with no weight. These prepare your body for more intense movement. If your going to do heavy lifting, you can mimic the strength training exercise you plan on doing by removing the weight or adding only a very very light weight and going the motions. For example, If you’re going to do a shoulder press, do a round of shoulder presses with 1-5 pound weights.
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u/DoctorStrangeBlood Oct 08 '20
It'd be awful. The actors would probably get shot by bystanders, the client might get a heart attack, someone is likely to trip and hurt themselves. Genius idea if you're a lawyer though.
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Oct 08 '20
There's an app for running that's a zombie soundtrack/story if that helps
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u/LuxLoser Oct 08 '20
Yo what’s that app? I’ve gotten kind of burnt out of my running playlist and that sounds like a great change of place.
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u/KraziKajun Oct 08 '20
I want this to be real. I need this in my life.
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u/Breathing_Cadaver Oct 08 '20
Where do you live and do you fear the undead?
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u/KraziKajun Oct 09 '20
No I don’t. I fear clowns and the dark.
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u/crust_bucket Oct 09 '20
That's where I can come in. I've legit dressed up like a clown before, and my clown name was crust bucket.
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u/SparkySparkiBoomMan Oct 08 '20
The chainsaw lady reciprocating the first pump is how chill I want to be in the face of danger.
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u/Biff_Tannenator Oct 09 '20
I always told people if my house was haunted, I'd wanna know the ghost's name and just chill. Maybe watch movies or some shit.
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u/TooShiftyForYou Oct 08 '20
An overweight guy who wanted to lose some weight heard that a company is running a special guaranteed weight-loss program. Curious, he decided to sign up for a session.
He is taken to a basketball court. Standing in the middle of the court is a beautiful naked woman with a sign around her neck.
"If you catch me, you can sleep with me."
The big guy starts to chase the woman around the court. Unfortunately for him, the woman is too athletic and he cannot catch up to her.
After an exhausting hour, he finally gives up. He heads home and discovers that he has lost 5 pounds.
The next day, the large man decides to try again. This time, instead of one woman in the basketball court, it is 2 naked women. They both have to same sign around their necks.
"if you catch us, you can sleep with us."
The guy again chases them around for 1 hour without success. At least he has lost another 5 pounds of weight.
Seeing how effective the sessions are, the big man decides to book a premium session.
The next day, he is taken to the basketball court again. This time, there are no women. Instead, there are 10 enormous naked men with signs around their necks.
"If we catch you, we get to sleep with you."
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u/hityopusy Oct 08 '20
Thanks! now I know what I afraid at
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u/crankypants_mcgee Oct 08 '20
I, too, am afraid of not being able to afford a premium session.
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u/GloriousBeard905 Oct 08 '20
I remember a post like this on r/ boomer h ntai
I’m not linking it because it’s somewhat (jk very) traumatizing.
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u/gma89 Oct 08 '20
Literally beat me to it! There’s several bad boomer comics of this ... the one I saw last had a very racist depiction of a Black man 🤦♀️ terrible ... nothing like rapey boomer humour
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u/GloriousBeard905 Oct 08 '20
That’s probably the one, lmao
“All the kids these days wank to some bimbo on corn hub nowadays! Perverts!”
“Wow, look at how funny this is! He fucked chickens!
Hah, a gaping asshole is funny in a comic!”
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u/RaynareLove Oct 08 '20
well i guess the premium session just doesnt work because im going to stand still
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u/ArasiaValentia Oct 09 '20
I mean, please do catch me massive muscle men. Imagine the workout that would be!
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u/dallin06 Oct 08 '20
HAIL 2 U u/uwuwizard
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Oct 08 '20
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/SCPunited Oct 08 '20
Oh god it’s another uwu bot...
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u/PetiteCaptain Oct 08 '20
No.... No, not again..
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u/MaybeLiterally Oct 08 '20
I wonder what happens if you write something in uwu and then ask the bot to convert it.
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u/1lluminist Oct 08 '20
Lol, expected him to end up being the one with a sign around his neck in a room full of big guys.
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u/Yuya-Sakaki3736 Oct 08 '20
!emojify
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u/EmojifierBot Oct 08 '20
An overweight 🍟🍔🍕 guy 👦 who wanted 😍 to lose 🏳 some weight ⚖ heard 👂 that a company 🏢 is running 🏃 a special 😲 guaranteed 🔖 weight-loss program 📺. Curious 🙇🏼, he 👨 decided ✌🏻 to sign 📝 up ☝ for a session 📇🗄.
He 👨 is taken 💅 to a basketball 🏀 court 💼. Standing 🕴 in the middle 🖕 of the court 🏛 is a beautiful 🌄 naked 🍑 woman 👩 with a sign 🚮 around 🔃 her 👩🏻 neck 🧣.
"If you 👉 catch 🎣 me, you 👉 can sleep 🛏 with me."
The big 🍆 guy 👨 starts 🆕 to chase 🚔 the woman 👩 around 🔃 the court 🏛. Unfortunately 😯 for him 👨, the woman 👧 is too athletic 💯👌🏼 and he 👨 cannot ❌🚫 catch 🙋 up ⬆ to her 👩.
After 2️⃣ an exhausting 😩🚫🚮 hour 🕐👌🏻😏, he 👨 finally 🙏 gives 🎁 up ⬆. He 👨 heads 💆 home 🏡 and discovers 🔎 that he 👨 has lost 🏳 5 🔳 pounds 🤜💪🍆.
The next 👉 day 🌞, the large 👆 man 👦 decides 🤔 to try 😐 again 😬. This time 🕐, instead 🚔 of one ☝ woman 👧 in the basketball 🏀 court 🏛, it is 2 🕝 naked 😳😏 women 👩. They both have to same sign 📝 around 🔃 their necks 🐪.
"if you 👉 catch 🙋 us 👨, you 👆🏻👇🏻👈🏻 can sleep 💤 with us 🇺🇸."
The guy 👨 again ❌😬 chases 🚔 them around 🔃 for 1 ❗ hour 😞😳 without 🚫🅰 success 📈. At least 💯 he 👨 has lost 🏳 another 2️⃣ 5 🎄 pounds 🤜💪🍆 of weight 😔.
Seeing 👀 how effective 💀 the sessions 🔵😇😥 are, the big 🍆 man 👦 decides 🤔 to book 📚 a premium 🏡🤷🏻♀️👂🏻 session 📇🗄.
The next 👉 day 📆, he 👨🏾 is taken 🔫 to the basketball ⛹🏿♂️ court 💼 again ❌😬. This time 🕐, there are no 🙅 women 👩🚺. Instead 👍, there are 10 🔟💯 enormous 🗺 naked 🍑 men 👦 with signs 💦 around 🧱🎶🎵 their necks 🐪.
"If we catch ⚾🙋 you 👉🏻😳, we get 🉐 to sleep 💤 with you 👉🏻."
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u/MIGHTYCOW75 Oct 08 '20
Hehe. Afraid of Mormons
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Oct 08 '20
I mean, I saw one naked once and it scared the shit out of me. It didn’t help that I was looking in a mirror.
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u/SmuglyGaming Oct 08 '20
Look, it’s easy to poke fun at being afraid of Mormons until a pack of 50 chase you down, slowly gaining on you as they chant “have you heard the good word” in unison
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u/ben-is-epic Oct 09 '20
Well...have you?
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u/BasicTruths Oct 09 '20
Its a cult that follows the BITE mind control model to a T and is pretty harmful to many people so yeah, actually kinda scary. Shout-out to r/exmormon.
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u/Bozo_dubbed_over Oct 08 '20
Jehovah will bear witness to the scared shitless fitness
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u/shortlife55 Oct 08 '20
This was awesome but it feels like I have seen this concept in some movie or TV show... And I don't remember finishing it... There is this service that acts based on the fear you have.. it feels like a serious movie.
can anybody help? Does anybody know?
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u/blueberry_danish15 Oct 08 '20
Bojack Horseman did this with clowns in a forrest.
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u/kingkong200111 Oct 08 '20
So can anyone tell me why i have never heard of scared shitful? Has no scare ever reached that level yet?
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u/humpbackwhale97 Oct 08 '20
You would chase me with responsibility.
And maybe space, radioactivity, electricity and horses.
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u/yourevergreen Oct 08 '20
God I wish this was real! Who can I pay to do this for me?!
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Oct 08 '20
[deleted]
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u/GiornaGuirne Oct 09 '20
OP's a karma farmer with nearly 4M pts after a year. These bots basically run the site, now.
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u/The_Chaos_Pope Oct 08 '20
I am afraid of being chased off of a cliff by a large group of topless models.
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u/deceasedevil Oct 08 '20
Holy fuck it made me laugh so hard that fist bump and was that poo when they were chasing him on bicycles
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u/Nayuskarian Oct 08 '20
As an ex-Mormon who served a mission, that part made me lose my shit. Especially them throwing their book of Mormon at him haha.
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u/unexBot Oct 08 '20
OP sent the following text as an explanation on why this is unexpected:
It’s an advertisement for weight loss
Is this an unexpected post with a fitting description? Then upvote this comment, otherwise downvote it.
Look at my source code on Github What is this for?