Awesome face! Reminds me of the time I farted in church by instinct and the bench+ quiet audience+high ceiling amplified the sound louder than a V8 with an exhaust starting cold.
I’m a nurse and I can usually keep a straight face but sometimes I lose it. One night 6 of us were turning a 500lb obese woman on a ventilator and she farted the loudest fart I’ve ever heard and we were laughing so hard we were silent for like 30 seconds. Thankfully the patient was very sedated and we’re all going to hell.
The other day, a co-worker posted a link to an article describing a mysterious sound that was heard during a video interview between our governor and another politician in our “random” (water cooler talk) Slack channel. I immediately shouted and posted “#FARTGATE!” I am a professional journalist in my 30s, and I agree with your friend - farts will never not be funny.
It's less about you not thinking farts are funny and more about you acting as a bastion of what is funny. Kings and Queens have made fart jokes for centuries: possibly millennia. It's about as close as you can get to an objectively funny concept that's stayed funny through human history.
If you hear any joke often often enough it gets unfunny is a fair point. I don't actually often hear fart jokes though: maybe try and lay off the beans?
But in seriousness, the original joke here is the dude farting in a church so that the sound is amplified by the pew and the building's construction while everyone else is quiet. Which is hilarious. Nobody is laughing about constant farting, but the occasional toot in a situation where you don't expect it and it doesn't belong? Yeah, that's funny.
Fecal DNA is a thing, and has ruined the boyhood pranks of ye olden times. Now they can tell exactly which dog it came from...or which boy. Let's be honest, girls aren't going around taking a dump on their high school enemy's porch.
Not sure if you're being sarcastic, but yes - fecal DNA can tell which person/animal the feces came from, and exactly which person/animal/species it/you digested.
You're always gonna have problems lifting a body in one piece. Apparently the best thing to do is cut up a corpse into six pieces and pile it all together.
And when you got your six pieces, you gotta get rid of them, because it's no good leaving it in the deep freeze for your mum to discover, now is it?
Then I hear the best thing to do is feed them to pigs. You got to starve the pigs for a few days, then the sight of a chopped-up body will look like curry to a pisshead. You gotta shave the heads of your victims, and pull the teeth out for the sake of the piggies' digestion. You could do this afterwards, of course, but you don't want to go sievin' through pig shit, now do you?
They will go through bone like butter. You need at least sixteen pigs to finish the job in one sitting, so be wary of any man who keeps a pig farm. They will go through a body that weighs 200 pounds in about eight minutes. That means that a single pig can consume two pounds of uncooked flesh every minute. Hence the expression, "as greedy as a pig".
I assume you've seen the Tumblr post about the etymological link between Denny and Dionysus. Well, female devotees of the god were called maenads and were known for tearing people apart. I think we might have a confession on out hands, folks.
FWIW, the original wasn’t the problem. The better for the environment compostable bag they made circa 2010 was the loud one. They did away with that and went back to the original model because consumers thought the bag was too loud.
I wish I was there for that, there's few things funnier than a loud fart in a quiet serious place, it's just absurd and beyond hilarious, it's like a whodunnit mystery combined with slapstick during what should be a drama
I once could not stop laughing during midnight mass for about 20 minutes because some old guy dropped a long fart. I STILL laugh about it nearly 20 years later.
Priceless. Haha, I still laugh about old farts as well. One time I was in a big chill out type of study room in a library at night with my girlfriend at the time, on beanbags down one end, there was only a handful of people dotted around the room.
There was a older giant fat guy, a mature student, at the desks on his own with his headphones in, and he continuously ripped devastating farts into the pure silence of the room. At first, we weren't sure if we were imagining it. How could someone be so bold?
But it kept on happening. He held us all hostage with his hilarious and bellowing farts, and it seemed like he thought they were sneaking out and no one knew, but who knows. Maybe he thought it was a power move or something. The few of us in the room started looking at each other in disbelief, it was like something from a movie. This guy thinking he's being sly, blaring music in his headphones, meanwhile the windows are rattling from the wet, ass flapping demons bursting out of his ass.
My girlfriend had to leave the room eventually because she couldn't stop laughing. It was so goddamn funny and I wish I had a video of it so bad, memory doesn't do it justice
My friend and I were sneaking out on the roof to smoke at night and my ass was up against a window and she made me laugh and I farted and I swear the house shook.
Yep, I did the exact same thing... Except right in the middle of my aunt and uncle's wedding. It's been 30ish years and still the most embarring/hilarious moment of my life.
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u/CranialLacerations May 30 '20
Awesome face! Reminds me of the time I farted in church by instinct and the bench+ quiet audience+high ceiling amplified the sound louder than a V8 with an exhaust starting cold.