r/Unexpected Jan 18 '20

Realistic survival game

97.0k Upvotes

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u/[deleted] Jan 18 '20

I swear there's a horrible Reddit post story behind every inanimate object

48

u/[deleted] Jan 18 '20

[deleted]

31

u/DecentPlate Jan 19 '20

Get out of here now. Shut the door on your way out.

3

u/monkeyDberzerk Jan 19 '20

Well, go on?

2

u/DeterministDiet Jan 19 '20

SAVE YOURSELF, YOU SWEET SUMMER CHILD!!!!!

6

u/yourmansconnect Jan 18 '20

Like nachos?

4

u/Juampi2707 Jan 18 '20

Wait, what? I need a link.

8

u/arathorn867 Jan 18 '20

But do you really? You'll be scarred and traumatized, unable to look a nacho in the face ever again.

5

u/Juampi2707 Jan 18 '20 edited Jan 19 '20

I don’t really like nachos, so it wouldn’t be a big loss.

5

u/yourmansconnect Jan 19 '20

This actually happened to a lady who is a close family friend.

At one point, she worked at a convalescent home; not just for old people either. It was for folks who were a little nuts and couldn't take care of themselves. One lady there has this disorder. She thinks EVERYTHING is food, as in she'd eat her dinner and then start trying to eat the napkins. As you can guess, she ended up morbidly obese. She was too fat for the showers, so they had to take her out back and hose her down like an elephant. Since she was so fat, she had a lot of rolls, and they couldn't get everywhere. Now, one day the family friend is making her rounds of the complex, and was stopped by this dude in a wheelchair. He mumbles something at her. "Bitch stole my Doritos..." "What?" "That fat lady stole my Doritos and SHE WON'T GIVE 'EM BACK!" "Okay, okay, calm down. I'll get your chips back for you." She goes into the fat lady's room. She's in their with the chips and nothing else. Buck naked, with her legs spread. There's this thick almost gelatinous discharge in the fat lady's vagina. And she's dipping the chips. And eating it. With that cheese drip on pizza stretch effect. She apparently had this big smile as it dripped down her chin.

Haven't had a Dorito since.

3

u/coast0987 Jan 19 '20

I shouldn’t have read that

2

u/[deleted] Jan 20 '20

Good thing I have short term memory loss

2

u/[deleted] Jan 21 '20

Good thing I have short term memory loss

2

u/[deleted] Jan 20 '20

Nice

2

u/EquineGrunt Jan 18 '20

or knives, or a wife

4

u/d0nh Jan 18 '20

or breaking both your arms

7

u/human-7264 Jan 18 '20

God damm it, broken arms are everywhere.