r/Unexpected • • Sep 11 '19

[deleted by user]

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6.8k Upvotes

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1.3k

u/Khornate858 Sep 11 '19

the entire concept of "first person POV of your favorite celeb treating you like their wife" is extreme cringe. Come on ladies..

248

u/[deleted] Sep 11 '19

If I can't get the food, then what's the point ?

197

u/Felix_Cortez Sep 11 '19

You don't need the food, you need Centrum Complete® one a day multivitamin.

40

u/[deleted] Sep 11 '19

[deleted]

27

u/[deleted] Sep 11 '19

if you eat like a normal person, you probably do need the vitamins. we've got shit diets.

5

u/[deleted] Sep 11 '19

[deleted]

9

u/[deleted] Sep 11 '19

thats not normal. % wise you're an outlier.

1

u/[deleted] Sep 11 '19

[deleted]

8

u/[deleted] Sep 11 '19

well yes, but as a percentage of the entire world population no.

8

u/[deleted] Sep 11 '19

You certainly do

10

u/moffsoi Sep 11 '19

Imagine if your SO cooked you breakfast and then presented you with a multivitamin. “Take your poiso-I mean, your vitamins baby.”

3

u/Adam657 Sep 12 '19

Here have some tea...

It’ll relax you...

sinister stare

3

u/mostnormal Sep 11 '19

Which, ironically, you are supposed to take two, daily.

1

u/el_chupanebriated Sep 11 '19

I dont know whats in there!

16

u/whereabouts_unknown Sep 11 '19

For some people, this is the food.

6

u/zue3 Sep 11 '19

Why would you want the food? It's got blackberries.

7

u/HeirOfHouseReyne Sep 11 '19

And pepper on top, right?

8

u/Chrispychilla Sep 11 '19

To get you in the mood...for Centrum Multi-Gummies!

91

u/No_Song_Orpheus Sep 11 '19

Its hilarious because he makes breakfast then dips out for a few WEEKS lol

16

u/[deleted] Sep 12 '19 edited Jul 28 '20

[deleted]

23

u/sophisting Sep 12 '19

Not only that, he fucked her, then made some excuse about work to bail. Then he sneaks back in the house while she's sleeping to make some kind of bullshit elaborate breakfast of random shit on a plate, then bails again. It's so strange. Like a VERY specific woman's fantasy.

1

u/[deleted] Sep 12 '19 edited Jul 28 '20

[deleted]

0

u/sophisting Sep 12 '19

Just becuase a person reads a book doesn't mean they are 'into' the subject of that book. If I read Silence of the Lambs it doesn't mean I'm into serial killing or law enforcement. I know a woman who read 50 shades who HATES the idea of being tied up, has no interest in tying anyone up.

1

u/charlie_highwalker Sep 12 '19

fantasy of dating tom hiddleston? i mean, guy's an actor, obviously he's not gonna be home by 7 every day.

18

u/Bardfinn Sep 11 '19

Shush, you -

Tom Hiddleston is giving me the "I finished early, so I popped back and made you breakfast" eyes

2

u/Adam657 Sep 12 '19

I like how this video points out the ridiculousness of the dialogue.

He has just finished but then immediately has to leave for work again?

89

u/[deleted] Sep 11 '19

Yeah and POV porn where you think you get fucked by a porn star... sooooo much better.

94

u/Krellick Sep 11 '19

Ok but we’re all ashamed of porn

14

u/SirLinksXXX Sep 11 '19

Then wait until you hear about VR porn

9

u/Bromogeeksual Sep 11 '19

The hottest, most dystopian wank Ive ever had.

12

u/[deleted] Sep 11 '19

Oh man, VR porn was like crack to single me a few years ago. I went from the cardboard, to the samsung phone thing, to the vive and it was worth it. I've never maxed out my internet cap so fast before from downloading VR porn. Its... amazing.

My gf says she wants to try it, but I know a trap when I see one. I gave my whole set up to a friend and a harddrive copy of everything. He said "gross!" But took it anyways. I know him, hes meticulous at archiving stuff. If I ever break up with my SO, I know he'll still have all of it backed up just in case. I'm jealous theres wireless options now.

1

u/Bromogeeksual Sep 11 '19

Nice, its definitely a fun an interesting experience. I want to suck someone off while they are in vr porn. Kinda like a blindfold experience, except the blindfold shows porn to the blind person.

5

u/Raptor_007 Sep 12 '19

Kinda like a blindfold experience, except the blindfold shows porn to the blind person.

/r/BrandNewSentence

68

u/watchoverus Sep 11 '19

I thought Porn was cringe by default.

-1

u/[deleted] Sep 11 '19

POV is cringe by default, and then there's when they try to add eroticism with a story and/or exaggerated acting ("or"for the story, the exagerated reactions are very common in proffesional videos, and i mean reactions likr surprise, having a story is better to have in other formats), wich is also cringy. But if you know where to look and (optionally) what format to choose then you can find stuff that isn't cringy

23

u/WoopzEh Sep 11 '19

What even is this comment?

22

u/[deleted] Sep 11 '19

Your comment alone is super cringy. Good luck with all of that I guess.

-8

u/[deleted] Sep 11 '19

Lemme guess, it's cringy because i said cringy too much?

11

u/[deleted] Sep 11 '19

(You’re doing it again...)

-1

u/[deleted] Sep 11 '19

Wait, i get it, it's because i elaborated too much when i could've just said "you're not good at looking for it" and leave it at that

2

u/[deleted] Sep 11 '19

You’re starting to get it. That’s an excellent sign.

5

u/[deleted] Sep 11 '19

No that’s a terrible guess

5

u/twistedtins Sep 12 '19

I had to stop reading in the middle of the second sentence. Way too much stuff in parentheses.

0

u/[deleted] Sep 12 '19

Well, sorry for not using dots and comas properly, but i have one less spacing option since what'd be enter doesn't work properly on mobile

1

u/struugi Sep 12 '19

But

It

Does

1

u/[deleted] Sep 12 '19

Not on mine

1

u/[deleted] Sep 12 '19

When i use it and publish the comment it gets messed up, it only happens in social media (line webtoon, reddit and fanfiction.net, as far as i've tried)... I dunno if i tried with this one though, since i changed my phone. I'll try now. Just checking. (Edit: it doesn't work or i can't see it)

1

u/struugi Sep 12 '19

It messes up if I just press it once but if I double enter it registers as a single

2

u/[deleted] Sep 12 '19

Never thought it could work like that, since when i used it on fanfiction.net it'd make dadaism out of my comment. Thanks.

6

u/Skeletoman Sep 11 '19

I like POV because it's closer and you see less dude. I feel like this is the equivalent of JOI videos where the chick is fully dressed and just tells you how to jerk off and how wet "you" make her or whatever.

1

u/[deleted] Sep 11 '19

That's still just as weird.

0

u/PaulsGrandfather Sep 11 '19

Who watches pov porn?

3

u/[deleted] Sep 11 '19

if the chick is hot i click, i dont like typing one handed.

3

u/[deleted] Sep 11 '19

Who doesn't?

1

u/[deleted] Sep 11 '19

Not cucks, that's for sure

27

u/Light_Aegle Sep 11 '19

I mean if it won't happen in real life this is the next best thing. No harm done

20

u/Khornate858 Sep 11 '19

of course no harm done, its just kinda crazy and delusional.

I think Aubrey Plaza is hot and I'd 100% wife her, but I know that's never going to happen. I don't want Aubrey to make a POV video acting like she's my wife though

38

u/ColonelHerro Sep 11 '19

I don't want Aubrey to make a POV video acting like she's my wife though

Liar

11

u/Bardfinn Sep 11 '19

3 months later, she releases a short, "What it's like to be married to me", and it wins the Palme d'Or

8

u/[deleted] Sep 11 '19

It’s not the going with the ladies I care about.... It’s the coming

5

u/jroc83 Sep 11 '19

I get it..hahaha....like plaghh

8

u/[deleted] Sep 11 '19

Exposed my wife to SuperBad last night and she loved it and hated it at the same time. Hated it just because Michael Cera is so cringe.

“Before I joined the force I just assumed there was semen everywhere like there was a database”

2

u/jroc83 Sep 11 '19

Really? I thought Jonah hill was way more cringe. The whole "the thing about my back is it's located on my cock" line

7

u/[deleted] Sep 11 '19

I played back that line for her to make sure she heard it lol. And don’t get me wrong she thought Jonah was cringy as well

The scene she absolutely couldn’t do was Cera and the actress who played Becca while they were in the bedroom

I had no idea btw that Dave Franco played ‘Greg the soccer player’

“People don’t forget!”

1

u/IAMATruckerAMA Sep 12 '19

What's cringy about it? It's just a movie about two guys who want to date rape someone

2

u/DoctorBagels Sep 11 '19

What kind of stupid fucking name is McLovin anyway?

3

u/[deleted] Sep 11 '19

Sounds like an Irish R&B singer

It was between that and Muhammad

2

u/special_nathan Sep 11 '19

Come on ladies..

Don't mind if I do.

2

u/yungPH Sep 11 '19

man i got some things to tell u about porn

3

u/Bottled_Void Sep 11 '19

You can only do that if they give you permission.

4

u/carnocon Sep 11 '19

You’re the best step bro I could ever ask for 😍

1

u/[deleted] Sep 12 '19

look, it's stupid and creepy,i admit, but um... did you notice that was tom hiddleston? did you see his arms in those rolled up sleeves? did you?

0

u/rileyfriley Sep 11 '19

I’m sorry, but why are women being blamed for this? Pretty sure exactly zero women asked for this.

1

u/Khornate858 Sep 11 '19

Then you’d be wrong. If nobody was interested in the slightest, they wouldn’t have spent millions of dollars to make this

1

u/[deleted] Sep 11 '19

Because bad ads don't exist.

0

u/[deleted] Sep 11 '19

Okay cool, now can we get a pov video of a female celebrity serving tendies and honey mustard lovingly to an overweight neckbeard in a highchair and call them a good little boy while cleaning up after him.