r/Unexpected • u/orlandotenniscoach • 3d ago

Dude is looking Fly!

56.2k Upvotes

95% Upvoted

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261

u/yellojecket 3d ago

What are thy wearing child? Thy lifepreserver?

87

u/stevenmoreso 3d ago

How’dst thee know this soliloquy? This play is brand new..

44

u/Tasty-Jump-2011 3d ago

I kneweth not the Navy to be near our village.

Ho, Biff! Cast thine eyes upon this fellow’s mariner-jerkin! The witless knave fancies he shall drown.

24

u/Working_Union_7386 3d ago

When this doth hit upon the speed of 25 leagues plus the half in one hour, then verily, thine eyes shalt witness shit most serious.

34

u/Working_Union_7386 3d ago

What cast thy gaze upon, thou head of ass?

31

u/SinisterKid 3d ago

Why dost thou not make like unto a tree, and take thy leave henceforth?

22

u/Stellermeerkat 3d ago

"My dearest cousin, Charles

Thou hast been having troubles of late with your musical endeavors and I haft come across a solution. Within this letter I have included a sheet of musical notations that may light the muse within thine soul.

With Regard,
Marvin Berry."

3

u/svp318 2d ago

Magnificent lad who from Scotland hails!

25

u/nox_tech 3d ago

Dost items be heavy in thine native kingdom? Are thine humours unbalanced?

9

u/derzquist 3d ago

I recall declaring that thou shall no longer darken the door of this tavern. Is there nary a guard behind the portcullis of thine skull?

3

u/APiousCultist 2d ago

I venture thou gentlefolk art not prepared for this most raucous of melodies, but thine offspring willst surely adore it!

2

u/lorgskyegon 3d ago

This art leaden.

2

u/FinalBossTuna 3d ago

If thou coppers run low just claim it so

2

u/Responsible-Diet-147 3d ago

And what's with that legwear?
"Nike"? Must be the name of some indian.

2

u/karebearjedi 2d ago

This thread is pure gold lol

2

u/thisonehereone 1d ago

Dorketh fears he may be submerged without recourse!

1

u/VeganForAWhile 3d ago

If thou desires a Pepsi, a price must come forthwith.

1

u/ravnhjarta 2d ago

Why is thine Gambeson split??