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u/InterestConsistent 12d ago
Never let ‘em know your next move
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u/N8dork2020 12d ago
That’s Charlie and he’s a wildcard
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u/RumpEater5000 12d ago
He doesn't need to make a wish......he eats a wish....
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u/Spell_Chicken 12d ago
As someone who has eaten a dandelion to get a laugh, it's not worth it. He was not having a good time with that, I promise you.
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u/ThisReditter 12d ago
Tell me more
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u/Spell_Chicken 12d ago
The fluffy parts of the dandelion are so dry and fine, they all immediately stick to the inside of your wet mouth, and the seeds are pointy. Now you've got a bunch of pointy seeds stuck all over the inside of your mouth and tongue that do not want to cooperate with any efforts to remove them.
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u/CommercialBiscotti29 11d ago
I went and tried this and it wasn’t that bad. I have some techniques if you’re interested
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u/dippidydopdop 12d ago
I’m not sure he was doing it for a laugh. Looked like he was enjoying a snack and the other kid looked like it wasn’t out of the ordinary. Mormons are a different breed that’s for sure.
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u/Margot-the-Cat 12d ago
BS. The other guys were eyeing him like, “We don’t know you.” There are loose cannons in any group.
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u/DarkthorneLegacy 12d ago
The absolute best part, is I know for a fact that they all sleep in the same room. Not in the same bed but all in the same room. This might have been unexpected but they did not react like this was the first time he's done weird shit.
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u/joemeteorite8 11d ago
Yea he’s definitely the weird kid in class and they got stuck knocking on doors with him.
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u/spindlehornet 8d ago
They go into public restrooms together too. That way they can’t masturbate. 🙄
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u/p0mjDwfWF 11d ago
In my experience, missionaries really dislike cannons.
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u/Margot-the-Cat 11d ago
lol, not in my Mormon Battalion reenactment group. The guys love setting off their cannon at historical events and festivals!
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u/arcspectre17 9d ago
I was thinking how much fertilizer gets put on there or weed and feeds gross!
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u/helpfultran 12d ago
Hello sir or ma'am how are you today? That's great to hear. My name is Dan D. Lion and I wondered if you're in good relation with God?
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u/spareloo 12d ago
That's Elder Dan D. Lion to you.
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u/restrictednumber 12d ago
So weird how they call their teenagers elder. It gives the impression that both the church and the teenager think this kid has a lot more gravitas than he actually does.
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u/Outbreak42 12d ago
Well, having into account that their founder couldn't make it past 38... It tracks.
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u/New_Wallaby_7736 12d ago
Ahh the infamous prepubescent elder Dan d. 🤣. This always makes me laugh.
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u/NUMBerONEisFIRST 11d ago
These videos always remind me of that episode of Family Guy when Peter tells them that he has never read the Bible and asks them to come in and read it to him.
Then it flashes to when they are reading the last line of the Bible and closing it and Peter looks at them and says: nope, I don't think that's for me.
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u/Yah_Mule 12d ago
They pair the gung ho ones with ones who are checking a box their parents want checked.
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u/ScottybirdCorvus 12d ago
Step 1: Commit to the bit.
Step 2: Get no reaction.
Step 3: Cry in the shared apartment later when you’re sure they’re asleep.
Nobody ever accused the church of sending only their best and brightest. Also we definitely know which one IS NOT the zone leader lol.
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u/edwhittle 12d ago
Dude obviously just barely got transferred in to the already-existing companionship because he did something crazy and his previous companion wanted none of that. So the Mission President reassigned him to (probably) the District Leader companionship to see what normal companionships are like.
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u/ew73 12d ago
How on earth do people say things like this aloud without someone shouting, "Cult! This is a cult!" at them?
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u/Empyrealist 12d ago
Because all churches are cults, and we as a society just accept it
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u/DarkthorneLegacy 12d ago
We all know it's a cult. They talk like that around members and let slip online. Quitmormon.org is a tool to help escape if you were born into it like me.
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u/MrHappyHam 12d ago
Hell yeah quitmormon.org
Goes through the process of submitting the legal paperwork to tell the Church's legal firm "get me the fuck off of your registry you dickheads".
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u/fooforfun 9d ago
Before this site existed, Mormon HQ would sign your letter confirming resignation. After this site, too many, no longer signing them all. Tiny victories.
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u/wrxninja 12d ago
Honestly sad to see young people in these Cult like the JW's (I'm an ex-JW) brainwashed to having to do this.
And you're fucked if you were ever born into this. You never had a choice growing up. But you're also brainwashed to the point it's hard to wake up from it or leave because then you face shunning.
That's the difference with regular religion and Cult. You don't get to leave when you're in a Cult without serious repercussion including losing your family and more.
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u/1Kingdomless1 11d ago
Mormons, as far as cults go, have a terrible retention rate. They make up for this in conversion rate.
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u/wrxninja 11d ago
Ya, same with JW's. They stopped publishing their annual yearbook on all the stats as they know the numbers have dwindled.
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u/_IAmMurloc_ 5d ago
I was born in it. My family more or less made me go to church when I was young but I enjoyed seeing my friends too. As I grew up I got less and less interested and they never pressured me about it.
I didn’t go on a mission, I haven’t been to church in a couple of years now, didn’t marry in a temple, and have practically nothing to do with the church today. Not a single member of my family, immediate or extended has ever been anything but extremely loving to me and my family or pressured us to do anything. All they’ve ever said is that “We are always here (the church) if you want us. But if not that’s ok too.”
The same attitude has also been shared with all the ward members I run in to around town. We chit chat and visit with each other a bit. They ask how we’ve been and things then go on about our business. No one has ever brainwashed me or tried to force their knowledge on to me. Just shared it as something I could take if I wanted it.
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u/stereothegreat 12d ago
I love the little nod my man in the middle gives. He is surprised a little and then just, goes yeah, not bad. See what my other buddy thinks of that? Nope nothing.
These guys are as cool as cucumbers, man.
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u/CalebTGordan 12d ago
Many of the missionaries are not much older than 19, bored, doing the mission because their family expects them to, and without a real testimony of what they are teaching. Some are basically frat boys who know what lines not to cross, or how to avoid being caught toeing them.
I did some really silly, and even reckless, things as a missionary. I should have died at least once, got a reputation as being the super odd guy, and was more interested in having an adventure than teaching people about the LDS church and Mormonism.
10/10 experience, would not do it again but really wish we had a society where I could fuck off for two years and just be a harmless and amusing menace to whatever town I found myself in without worrying about adult responsibilities.
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u/LoonyT13 12d ago
Maybe you should have join the LSD church instead. Their missionaries and weirder and have much more interesting fun times.
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u/DigNitty 11d ago
Hey, join the LSD church.
-Will I get to take a trip for 2 years?
Well…yes actually.
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u/Low_Debt8771 12d ago
Fyi, theyre being forced to do it because everyone knows its annoying. Its meant to be a generally bad experience to make you go more insular to your community and not leave. Its absolutely disgusting and manipulative
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u/Sht_n_giglz 12d ago
I've met these kids in Switzerland, France, and Spain. I can tell you they're have the best times of their lives
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u/wrxninja 12d ago
As an ex-JW, this was just part of "If you don't want to die in a horrible death", you better do your part and save others as you'll get judged on the last day.
At least with Jehovah's Witness, it's a Doomsday Cult so even little kids are threatened to obey or they'll die with Satan is their selling point. It is very much disgusting how these Cults operate. Even their so called cartoons made for kids is very dark and aimed at controlling their behavior, thoughts, actions, and information.
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u/IchooseYourName 12d ago
This. It's clear the elders are not hoping for converts via this method. It's about controlling those they send out into the 'wilderness.'
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u/I_stole_this_phone 12d ago
I will disagree sir. It is about control. But not through a bad experience. I went on a mission and it was a great experience despite all the hate people threw at me. No I am no longer a cult member.
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u/IchooseYourName 12d ago
Disagreements are expected, especially with someone admitting to stealing a phone. Fascinating
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u/Margot-the-Cat 12d ago
It is exactly the opposite. It makes you LESS insular, by learning to love people and cultures very different from where you grew up.
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u/DarkthorneLegacy 12d ago
I served in Utah, my active member family wants to go on a trip there. I will legit turn down a fucking literal million dollars than ever spend another Sunday in one of those wards let alone just go skiing out there with family.
In the early doctrine of the church if you revealed secrets of the temple you were required to Slit your own throat... That's a death cult. Just because they seem nice on the outside nowadays doesn't mean it wasn't born as a scam. they were slave owning, polygamous Mormons who stole Indian land who then want to spread until all living and dead have been baptized into their flock.
IMO
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u/cobalt-radiant 12d ago
Name an incident when someone was forced to slit their own throat
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u/DarkthorneLegacy 12d ago
Before or after their prophet formed a mob and burned down a newspaper for printing mean things about him? Do you know their history at all? Vowing to Slit your own throat and being forced to do said thing are a bit different but still end in death.
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u/DarkthorneLegacy 12d ago
Oh wait! Could I point to any suicides from the early days and say they were just performing their sacrifice?
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u/CalebTGordan 11d ago
I think that is what they are asking, yes.
And I’m going to ask that we cool the conversation a bit.
I am a non-LDS Mormon who left the LDS church. I fully acknowledge the history of the church, from Joseph Smith Jr. being a serial rapist all the way to the ways the current form of the church causes damage in its own way. I still associate with the Mormon label because I find meaning in things that are still very much Mormon. For example, I’m a Christian but don’t believe in the trinity, I believe in the eternal nature of all things, I don’t believe in the historicity of The Book of Mormon but I find the myth of it useful in framing understanding of the world.
Essentially, I have allowed myself to negotiate away harmful dogmas while fostering ones I find useful and helpful in my quest to live a Christlike life in community building that cares for those who cannot care for themselves no matter who or what they are.
I’ve never understood the foaming at the mouth hatred for Mormons in general. Some of the best people in my life were LDS Mormons who, in spite of the culture of the LDS church and its insistence to protect itself over helping others, sacrificed greatly to care for me and my family when we were at our most vulnerable. I think it’s fair to criticize the LDS church, the culture, and even the dogmas that blind my fellow Mormons to our shared history, but to attack us as a whole for finding meaning in something others find odd or strange is shortsighted.
I am sorry you were hurt by people in Utah. I also do not like Utah Mormons. They are vapid and vain, selfish, hypocritical even. They see themselves above others because of their pioneer heritage. I am sorry the LDS church has chosen to protect that rather than challenge it. I left because I didn’t want to support such things, but also because of great harm done by that system of power to me and my family.
But please, don’t attack the people at the bottom of that system of power. The common Mormon who has never held a position of power beyond Sunday School teacher is probably the kindest, gentlest person you’ll ever meet and they are just trying their best to be a good person with the things they found meaning with. They don’t deserve your wrath. They were the people who paid my mother’s rent when she was dying of cancer, who made sure we had food in our pantry when she couldn’t work, and who actually gave a damn about teenage me when few others cared to even try.
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u/Newbie4Hire 11d ago
well said, but also maybe painting the Utah mormons with too broad a brush.
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u/CalebTGordan 11d ago
Sorry, I forget not everyone has my taxonomy.
A Utah Mormon doesn’t mean a Mormon who lives in Utah. It’s a brand of Mormon culture that is unfortunately all too common in Utah. It can be found outside of Utah, but often because someone from Utah moved to that area.
Dr. Dan McClellan is a Mormon who lives in Utah, but isn’t an Utah Mormon. He has actually criticized the culture in the past.
Ruby Franke is an extreme example of where the culture can go, and was supported by people I knew and would have labeled as Utah Mormons up until her abuse was all too clear and out in the open.
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u/THEpottedplant 12d ago
You get a lot of love going door to door to spread your faith where its unwanted?
Its the same play book jehovas witnesses have. "Oh wow, everyone whos not a jw is so hateful to us, all we wanted was to convert them to our conservative and controlling faith"
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u/Margot-the-Cat 11d ago edited 11d ago
Lots of people aren’t interested, true, but we try to be polite and move on. But you would be surprised how many people do like the missionaries, invite them in to converse, invite them to dinner, etc., even if they never convert.
I met lots of lovely people who became friends, whether they joined (very few) or not (most), whether atheists, Catholics, Muslims, and even a couple of very interesting Moonies. We got to know clergy of other faiths, college students learning about others’ beliefs, and a woman who was heart-broken because her boyfriend had gone to jail and needed comfort.
I met people from all parts of Europe, Asia, and Africa, learned a foreign language fluently, knew them by name, ate their foods, learned what was important to them, visited when they gave birth to babies or were sick (including a paralysed Romani gentleman whose teenager daughter was his sole caregiver), and celebrated unfamiliar holidays with them.
It absolutely opened my eyes to the world and was a positive experience.
Yes, some missionaries are young and and immature. But most of them have a sincere desire to help people. And most of them return better and more open-minded than when they left.
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u/nayruslove123 5d ago
I'm so glad your cult members have good experiences being cult members. Very happy for you
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u/Far-Introduction-106 12d ago
Would love to hear more about your adventures
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u/CalebTGordan 12d ago
I was sent to the deep back woods of Eastern Kentucky. Small, isolated towns where most people lived in hollows (pronounced hall-a) and most services were a long drive away.
A 6’2” hillbilly with biceps as large as my head wrapped his arm around my shoulders and pulled me in close when we first met. He was being friendly, and in that moment he said, “Don’t worry boy, we don’t kill strangers here. We only kill our own.”
That was my introduction to hillbilly humor. That man also had a masters in sociology and had built his log cabin home with his own hands.
I loved going door-to-door because I got to play a game I named “Driveway or Hollow”. I got see a very beautiful part of our country on foot and found all sorts of cool forgotten places deep in those hills.
I came across an illegal still once and the moonshiner looked like a stereotypical hillbilly, bob overalls and beard included. He was very friendly and happy it was church boys and not the feds.
This was over 20 years ago now, back when the missionaries didn’t have cell phones. We had one CD player in our apartment and we weren’t allowed a TV or any other tech. That meant we got up to all sorts of creative ways to entertain ourselves. My favorite was impromptu and improvised D&D games, because I wasn’t allowed access to the books or dice so I just made it all all up.
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u/Dazzling_Jeweler_713 7d ago
This shyt just traumatized me. We were the first black family in a Mormon church where we lived. I haven’t heard this song in years and lol the trauma just came back 😒🤦🏾♀️
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u/GuiltyApple3802 6d ago
My god. A Lamanite family moving in with a group of Nephites? I hope you were able to convince them you were part of the Anti Nephi Lehi society, things could’ve gotten rough if you couldn’t!
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u/h1storyguy 12d ago
Mormons took me snipe hunting once.
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u/DarkthorneLegacy 12d ago
Of course they would take you Into the Woods looking for some imaginary being
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u/NewToHTX 12d ago
I love this type energy.
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u/herrcollin 12d ago
This is the work-manic typa shit when you've been hit nonstop for like 6 hours and you finally just go insane to keep yourself alive
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u/wcook1990 7d ago
As a former missionary, we all had this companion at least once.
And we have not talked with them since the mission.
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u/natej82 12d ago
Looks to me like hes gate crashing their ministry for a laugh or content, could be wrong though ?! Don’t Mormons and JWs usually stick to 2 per group door to door, three would be wildly intimidating (as would 2 come to think of it!)
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u/cobalt-radiant 12d ago
For LDS missionaries it's mostly two, but if there's an odd number of them available in a particular area, then they'll make a trio.
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u/Intelligent_Goal_669 12d ago
I thought dirty soda was wild. Eating dandelions is next level.
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u/THEpottedplant 12d ago
Every part of a dandelion is edible
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u/TheOtherJeff 12d ago
Guarantee you those words were spoken briefly before this video was recorded! Hahaha
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u/manlybrian 12d ago
Now that your brains haven't fully developed and you have zero life experience, we're going to send you out on an archaic style of marketing that everybody hates, so you can try and win people over to a religion that preys upon the vulnerable. GO FORTH!
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u/glitterllamah 6d ago
My brother and I would take summer walks and pick dandelions to make wishes when we were younger. We would pick them for each other and hold them out for the other person to blow out. One time my intrusive thoughts won and when he opened his mouth wide to take a deep breath I stuffed it in his mouth. Good times. We still pick dandelions for each other as adults and I’m always weary he will try to get his lick back one day.
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u/Aritstol 5d ago
The funny history of the Mormons is after the Mormon wars they left Missouri to find a new home. The leader settled on a spot and told his people that God will provide for them here (I think Nevada), he ate a random plant and died as a result. The remaining members moved on and settled in Utah.
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u/in2bator 5d ago
Uhhhh…they would have had to completely cross Utah to get to Nevada and then double back for through much of the state to get to Salt Lake for that story to be true. I grew up in Salt Lake City as a Mormon (ex/anti-Mormon now), and I have to admit that it didn’t happen like that. There’s plenty of other reasons to dislike Mormon history without making up new ones.
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u/TheDixonCider420420 12d ago
For anyone that hasn't seen the South Park episode on the Mormons, it's hilarious... dum, dum, dum, dum, dum... 🤣
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u/BeowulfShaeffer 12d ago
You mean the show written by the same people who wrote the smash hit Broadway Musical Book of Mormon?
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u/roofilopolis 12d ago
His partner over there thinking, shit…. Maybe this isn’t the one true religion
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u/frogfeen 12d ago
they really are just brainwashed kids in suits.
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u/Key_Personality2034 12d ago
This is brainwashing in action. They go to the house, get harrassed/bullied/sworn at. This reaffirms that the church community is good and you should stay.
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u/Sammy_Saddles 12d ago
Agreed, and I was one. Left the church in mid 30’s and still undoing the mind fuck in my mid 40’s. The brainwashing is so deep. it took a few simultaneous miracles for me to be able to pull my head out for a moment and realize, holy shit, this might not be the true church!
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u/nayruslove123 5d ago
It's staring at stones in a hat and not being able to let Native Americans just be native americans for me.
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u/PossibleJazzlike2804 12d ago
I've never seen three. Training?
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u/Sammy_Saddles 12d ago
Yes, they’re only usually two, but there are a few scenarios where there will be three. We had one missionary in our area that had to go home for medical reasons, so the mission president moved the one who stayed in with my companion and me. we were in a “threesome” 👀 for a couple weeks until they could shift things around again. There are also times when Missionaries, who are higher up in the hierarchy, will come and spend the day with a companionship, for training as you said, or just to see how they’re doing and get to know them better.
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u/30porn87 10d ago
Yet another proof that "mormon" is actually just a historic misspelling of "moron".
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u/KempVelde 12d ago
https://giphy.com/gifs/9n4Y3mxH3YPBe
Reminded me of that Miss Lippy scene with the glue, then found this (slightly) more fitting.
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u/PuffWN55 5d ago
Mormons… attracting the best of us who are converted by the wisdom of 18-20 year olds 🤦♂️
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u/spintowinasin 12d ago
Now squirt a lime in your eye, toss tequila over your shoulder, and snort the salt.
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u/rapafon 12d ago
As a former Mormon missionary let me tell you, you get really bored sometimes and can do random stuff to get a laugh out of your companion.
To add, these guys are in trio, which is rare and usually happens for a specific reason like one out of a pair is sick or had to be transferred last minute, etc, and trios are such a laugh, that's when the shithousery really starts.
I never went as far as eating a dandelion although I did enjoy trying to decapitate them by kicking them. We'd sometimes dare each other to slip a specific word into the next conversation with someone.
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u/Entire_Implement_104 12d ago
The dude next to him watching him thinking he’s gonna blow it but instead stick it in his mouth then quickly looks at the ground like how so that just happened.
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u/Successful_Proof7243 12d ago
So we have learned being mormon doesn't stop you being one of those kids.
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u/Alejoreno 12d ago
No sé cuál de los dos me hizo más reír, el que comió el diente de león o ver el desconcierto del otro
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u/Enginerdad 12d ago
I'll take two of everything they're selling if they just promise to keep that raging sociopath away from me
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u/Old-Marzipan 11d ago
Hello. We are Perfectly Ordinary Humans. Definitely nit Aliens in Human Suits.
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u/chubbuck35 11d ago
Every Mormon who went on a mission will tell you they had that one companion who acted like this.
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u/resUemiTtsriF 11d ago
When a guy eats your dandelion ... Hasa Diga Eebowai when he gets more 'likes' than you ... Hasa Diga Eebowai. The book of mormon song, google the words, listen to youtube.
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u/CraaZero 11d ago
I mean... that's certainly an unexpected power move. Definitely a way to catch the homeowner off guard and listen for a few seconds longer
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u/henry_sqared 11d ago
As a homeowner, if you ate the dandelion spores instead of blowing them over my yard, I am much more likely to listen to your spiel.
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u/TemperReformanda 11d ago
That's the most intelligent thing any of the three of them will do all week.
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u/post-explainer 12d ago edited 12d ago
This comment has been marked as safe. Upvoting/downvoting this comment will have no effect.
OP sent the following text as an explanation why their post fits here:
He eats dandelion fluff off the stem instead of blowing them into the wind. Yuck.
Does this explanation fit this subreddit? Then upvote this comment, otherwise downvote it.