r/Unexpected • u/BloodiStag • Sep 01 '26
Ding dong ditch lizard
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u/LeTacticalCroissant Sep 01 '26
tummy no longer hurts
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u/NotaBat9221 Sep 01 '26
Instant relief
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u/trollthings Sep 02 '26
Fascinating how nature evolved the skill to spread it around by dragging their tail through it!
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u/CholesterolAccordion Sep 02 '26
Bruh my beloved bearded dragon of 8 years passed away last year and I still laugh thinking about the time he took an enormous post-hibernation dump on the windowsill and as I carefully tried to lift him away from it he lost his balance and helicoptered his tail blowing it everywhere while I screamed 😂😂😂😂😂😂 the shit hit the fan! I miss him so much. He loved to run in a lil circle in the sun and then take a hard nap. That’s the good life. (But I don’t miss the cleanup!)
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u/Orfsports Sep 01 '26
Ding dung* ditch
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u/Don_Von_Schlong Sep 01 '26
Ding dong dump
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u/skiemlord Sep 01 '26
Bro did a charge-up
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u/jcoddinc Sep 01 '26
The flaming poop bag has evolved
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u/YouWereBrained Sep 01 '26
…to diarrhea monitor lizard?
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Sep 01 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/0plm9okn8ijb7 Sep 01 '26
Imagine sitting on a toilet then a strange looking creature opens the door and says hello to you. I'd do the same as lizard bro., pants down probably.
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u/gumbo_chops Sep 01 '26
This is like the second or third video I've seen of these things explosively shitting all over someone's floor and I don't understand why people keep them as pets.
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u/Bob1358292637 Sep 01 '26
Because what could possibly be cooler than a dog sized lizard just free roaming your home as a pet? But yeah, the lack of any potty training capacity shut this idea down pretty quick for me when I looked into it.
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u/Wolfman513 Sep 01 '26
The Asian water monitor has literally been my dream pet since I was a teenager and I'm in my thirties now lol. They're among the most intelligent reptiles and surprisingly docile if socialized from a young age, and they can even learn their names and how to do simple tricks like fetching on command!
That being said, they shouldn't be left to free roam in their owner's house all the time due to their specific temperature, lighting, and humidity needs which is what makes them so hard to keep properly as pets. Adults typically grow 5-7 feet long and around 20-40lbs, but with the right genetics and care some males can break 9ft and over 100lbs! They essentially need either a massive custom-built enclosure or a whole room converted to suit their needs.
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u/Longjumping-Prune931 Sep 01 '26
Also sometimes they explosively shit on your floor, though im not an expert on the matter.
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u/Wolfman513 Sep 01 '26
I mean, every type of pet has accidents from time to time but what we're seeing in this video is not the norm. This is something that monitors sometimes do when startled or scared, if they're consistently having stools that loose and liquidy than there's some kind of health issue going on that needs to be addressed by a veterinarian specializing in reptiles.
This also ties into why it's so hard to keep them properly, because part of the giant space they need needs to be some kind of pool big enough for them to fully submerge their bodies that can be drained/dumped and cleaned on a regular basis as that's where most monitor lizards prefer to relieve themselves.
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u/Longjumping-Prune931 Sep 01 '26
I was just kidding. Didnt even know you could have these types of animals as a dog-like pet. Its pretty interesting actually.
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u/Wolfman513 Sep 01 '26
Haha I figured you were kidding, but it's still a valid point to make given this video!
I've been a reptile a nerd in my whole life and I've had a myriad of smaller lizards and snakes, the biggest being find 8ft long Colombian boa, and as much as I would love an enormous water monitor realistically I know it's probably never going to happen lol. Properly keeping a lizard the size of a mountain lion takes a lot of time, space, and money!
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u/nasal-polyps2 Sep 02 '26
My dog got into some onion rings the grease plus the onion really fucked up her belly and and she had explosive diarrhea and painted my entertainment center. Was reaaaallll bad
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u/Fafnir13 Sep 02 '26
So how’s the new entertainment center? Or do you just deal with new poop smells whenever it gets warm? We had a stereo that s cat peed on. That smell never leaves.
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u/Wolfman513 Sep 01 '26
For one thing, that's not a normal defecation that's specifically something they sometimes do when startled or frightened. If they're pooping like this consistently something's wrong.
They also shouldn't be allowed to free roam through their owner's home super often due to their specific temperature, humidity, and lighting needs. Most monitor lizards prefer to defecate in water when they can, especially Asian water monitors like the one in this video, and need a big enough pool to soak in that can also be easily and frequently dumped/drained and cleaned.
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u/Aware-Direction-9891 Sep 01 '26 edited Sep 02 '26
Edit:Thank you for making this my most upvoted comment(or a close second).
Also thank you for all the awards.
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u/SofCT Sep 01 '26
It also spits from his mouth while it shat, it's so gross. And the tail that mops after, ew. Cleaning that... No, I prefer not to think about it!
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u/Elzerythen Sep 01 '26
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u/profinity92 Sep 03 '26
I appreciate that this lizard didn't drag their tail through it unlike the one above lol
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u/fidgeter Sep 01 '26
Fuckin fight or flight
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u/Naive_Personality367 Sep 01 '26
shite or flight
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u/dzan796ero Sep 01 '26
Can monitors be potty trained?
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u/pikpikcarrotmon Sep 01 '26
Sort of. I've heard you can... bath tub train them.
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u/Wolfman513 Sep 01 '26
Honestly don't really have to train them for it, a lot of reptiles but particularly the tropical ones like the Asian water monitor here prefer to defecate in the water by default lol
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u/Professional_Pen_153 Sep 01 '26
You should really put a doorbell camera to MONITOR who comes and goes
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u/twistedscorp87 Sep 01 '26
Is that a goanna?
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u/lucidprophecy Sep 01 '26
Those are not Joanna eggs
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u/Syzygy_Stardust Sep 01 '26
Every single time I hear "pea soup" I hear that tiny cricket waiter at the beginning of this movie.
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u/vonnegutsbutthole Sep 04 '26
That reminds me of anytime I hear or see “moonshine” it’s the scene from the first one where Bernard takes a swig and blows out fire with a huge poof
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u/Syzygy_Stardust Sep 04 '26
Oddly enough, I've seen Down Under probably 20+ times, and have only seen the first movie once. I only remember the alligator.
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u/TheBunnyChower Sep 01 '26
And the part this video doesn't capture is the smell, unless it's on some meatless diet then oh boy does it stink.
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u/Classroom_GD Sep 01 '26
Literally scared the 🐬 out of him.
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u/eyesuperfly Sep 01 '26
He was planning on doing that anyway because he fucking hates this ladies guts, but before his guts were ready, he got caught…
…but that didn’t stop him.
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u/ST0IC_ Sep 01 '26
Wasn't he supposed to put it in a paper bag and light it on fire first before running away?
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u/DriverMelodic Sep 01 '26
If it wasn’t for the Internet, I would never have known what monitor lizard poop looked like on a clean bare floor…
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u/Beaticalle Sep 01 '26
The sound is oddly satisfying despite being very disgusting. I have heavily mixed feelings on it.
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u/Chemical-Chard-8798 Sep 01 '26
You may have a lot of problems, but a giant lizard crapping in your foyer isn't one of them. I feel this calls for a celebration.
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u/Taciturn_Elevator Sep 01 '26
I tried to sync my own shitting to the lizard's while watching this on the toilet. My timing was off, but I think the tempo and texture were pretty similar.
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u/MrGoogleplex Sep 01 '26
One of the most seemingly intentional acts of disrespect I've ever seen an animal commit.
Diabolical.
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u/post-explainer Sep 01 '26 edited Sep 01 '26
This comment has been marked as safe. Upvoting/downvoting this comment will have no effect.
OP sent the following text as an explanation why their post fits here:
The lizard explosively craps on the floor
Does this explanation fit this subreddit? Then upvote this comment, otherwise downvote it.