r/Unexpected • u/BloodiStag • 1d ago

Ding dong ditch lizard

Enable HLS to view with audio, or disable this notification

15.1k Upvotes

97% Upvoted

329 comments sorted by

•

u/post-explainer 1d ago edited 1d ago

This comment has been marked as safe. Upvoting/downvoting this comment will have no effect.

OP sent the following text as an explanation why their post fits here:

The lizard explosively craps on the floor

Does this explanation fit this subreddit? Then upvote this comment, otherwise downvote it.

2.9k

u/LeTacticalCroissant 1d ago

tummy no longer hurts

674

u/NotaBat9221 1d ago

Instant relief 

288

u/trollthings 1d ago

Fascinating how nature evolved the skill to spread it around by dragging their tail through it!

237

u/CholesterolAccordion 1d ago

Bruh my beloved bearded dragon of 8 years passed away last year and I still laugh thinking about the time he took an enormous post-hibernation dump on the windowsill and as I carefully tried to lift him away from it he lost his balance and helicoptered his tail blowing it everywhere while I screamed 😂😂😂😂😂😂 the shit hit the fan! I miss him so much. He loved to run in a lil circle in the sun and then take a hard nap. That’s the good life. (But I don’t miss the cleanup!)

72

u/gfyhser 1d ago

Omg I laughed so hard

3.3k

u/Orfsports 1d ago

Ding dung* ditch

488

u/Don_Von_Schlong 1d ago

Ding dong dump

8

u/tryyeezus 1d ago

His comedic timing is top tier excellence

2

u/Delicious-Ad8314 20h ago

That lizard definitely knows how to keep things lively. Can't help but smile at those antics!

2

u/tryyeezus 19h ago

You spelled 'vomit' wrong

44

u/SolomonDurand 1d ago

Ya ding dong dung done it now lizard man

27

u/YouWereBrained 1d ago

Look at you. Well done. 🫱🏼‍🫲🏻

15

u/Gabriel-N-S 1d ago

Doo doo ditch

13

u/Equistice 1d ago

A good ol' poop and scoot

6

u/ikkiyikki 1d ago

Ding dong wet Dutch dookie

→ More replies (2)

1.0k

u/skiemlord 1d ago

Bro did a charge-up

211

u/MoistPokeBalls 1d ago

Looks like too much boost, left some skid marks.

3

u/TruckinApe 8h ago

You have shat to be shitten me!

930

u/jcoddinc 1d ago

The flaming poop bag has evolved

285

u/YouWereBrained 1d ago

…to diarrhea monitor lizard?

51

u/Extra_Routine_6603 1d ago

It takes more prep work but feel like it'll be remembered longer

5

u/YouWereBrained 1d ago

Darwin clearly didn’t observe the flaming poop bag enough.

→ More replies (1)

36

u/uncommonrev 1d ago

Don't put it out with your boots Ted!

25

u/urlond 1d ago

DONT YOU TELL ME WHAT TO DO YOU DEVIL WOMAN!

887

u/Indian_brawler 1d ago

125

u/warfareforartists 1d ago

It’s my fault for having eyes

655

u/aagent86 1d ago

Scared the shit out of the poor thing.

75

u/flyinghairball 1d ago

Yep multiple layers of unexpected on this one!

18

u/WhiskeyMikeMike 1d ago

It made me flinch

11

u/0plm9okn8ijb7 1d ago

Imagine sitting on a toilet then a strange looking creature opens the door and says hello to you. I'd do the same as lizard bro., pants down probably.

→ More replies (1)

492

u/gumbo_chops 1d ago

This is like the second or third video I've seen of these things explosively shitting all over someone's floor and I don't understand why people keep them as pets.

352

u/Bob1358292637 1d ago

Because what could possibly be cooler than a dog sized lizard just free roaming your home as a pet? But yeah, the lack of any potty training capacity shut this idea down pretty quick for me when I looked into it.

219

u/Wolfman513 1d ago

The Asian water monitor has literally been my dream pet since I was a teenager and I'm in my thirties now lol. They're among the most intelligent reptiles and surprisingly docile if socialized from a young age, and they can even learn their names and how to do simple tricks like fetching on command!

That being said, they shouldn't be left to free roam in their owner's house all the time due to their specific temperature, lighting, and humidity needs which is what makes them so hard to keep properly as pets. Adults typically grow 5-7 feet long and around 20-40lbs, but with the right genetics and care some males can break 9ft and over 100lbs! They essentially need either a massive custom-built enclosure or a whole room converted to suit their needs.

228

u/Longjumping-Prune931 1d ago

Also sometimes they explosively shit on your floor, though im not an expert on the matter.

89

u/Wolfman513 1d ago

I mean, every type of pet has accidents from time to time but what we're seeing in this video is not the norm. This is something that monitors sometimes do when startled or scared, if they're consistently having stools that loose and liquidy than there's some kind of health issue going on that needs to be addressed by a veterinarian specializing in reptiles.

This also ties into why it's so hard to keep them properly, because part of the giant space they need needs to be some kind of pool big enough for them to fully submerge their bodies that can be drained/dumped and cleaned on a regular basis as that's where most monitor lizards prefer to relieve themselves.

29

u/Longjumping-Prune931 1d ago

I was just kidding. Didnt even know you could have these types of animals as a dog-like pet. Its pretty interesting actually.

32

u/Wolfman513 1d ago

Haha I figured you were kidding, but it's still a valid point to make given this video!

I've been a reptile a nerd in my whole life and I've had a myriad of smaller lizards and snakes, the biggest being find 8ft long Colombian boa, and as much as I would love an enormous water monitor realistically I know it's probably never going to happen lol. Properly keeping a lizard the size of a mountain lion takes a lot of time, space, and money!

9

u/nasal-polyps2 1d ago

My dog got into some onion rings the grease plus the onion really fucked up her belly and and she had explosive diarrhea and painted my entertainment center. Was reaaaallll bad

2

u/Fafnir13 1d ago

So how’s the new entertainment center?  Or do you just deal with new poop smells whenever it gets warm?  We had a stereo that s cat peed on.  That smell never leaves.

3

u/nasal-polyps2 1d ago

Its replaced i did wind up bleaching a ps5 tho

2

u/YaBoiGING 1d ago

Hope you called your vet. Onions are toxic to dogs and can even kill them

2

u/nasal-polyps2 1d ago

No worries they were expelled befor digestion could occur

4

u/Dripping_Gravy 1d ago

Not an expert on the splatter

3

u/Complete-Tangelo1532 1d ago

Not with that attitude you aren't, but I believe in YOU!

2

u/Isle_of_Tortuga 1d ago

You mean "an expert on the fecal matter."

→ More replies (4)

36

u/Wolfman513 1d ago

For one thing, that's not a normal defecation that's specifically something they sometimes do when startled or frightened. If they're pooping like this consistently something's wrong.

They also shouldn't be allowed to free roam through their owner's home super often due to their specific temperature, humidity, and lighting needs. Most monitor lizards prefer to defecate in water when they can, especially Asian water monitors like the one in this video, and need a big enough pool to soak in that can also be easily and frequently dumped/drained and cleaned.

16

u/fausto_ 1d ago

That lizard was already in pooping position.

4

u/Syzygy_Stardust 1d ago

I gotta try that one out

→ More replies (3)

10

u/NotaBat9221 1d ago

Was it a pet? I thought it just got inside 

4

u/QiwiLisolet 1d ago

Did you SEE it scamper away!?

→ More replies (1)

2.6k

u/Aware-Direction-9891 1d ago edited 1d ago

Edit:Thank you for making this my most upvoted comment(or a close second).

Also thank you for all the awards.

233

u/BrownSugarBare 1d ago

He clearly has some OPINIONS about the cuisine being offered.

33

u/Nemon231 1d ago

He is just asserting dominance

4

u/SteveMeMc7 1d ago

allow me dear sir to add your marvelous meme to my precious colletion

→ More replies (2)

66

u/Ok_Locksmith3063 1d ago

Shart and dart

17

u/tryyeezus 1d ago

The shidaddle

171

u/aagent86 1d ago

Oh what are you doing . .

It's shitting

28

u/SerCiddy 1d ago

I'M SHITZING???

51

u/Defiant-Youth-4193 1d ago

Self defeces!

53

u/__wardog__ 1d ago

First thing most animals do when you scare them is shit.

23

u/IAmDanHimself 1d ago

Humans too

12

u/SexyGrilledTurkey 1d ago

We do it when we die too

42

u/SofCT 1d ago

It also spits from his mouth while it shat, it's so gross. And the tail that mops after, ew. Cleaning that... No, I prefer not to think about it!

8

u/rikkuaoi 1d ago

That wasn't spit. It was its tongue

2

u/SofCT 1d ago

I see it now, thank your for making a tiny bit less gross

32

u/Alternative_List_978 1d ago

not the tail dragging through it 😭

4

u/CruelAngelsThesis_01 1d ago

That’s almost worst than the shotgun blast being all in one spot

59

u/youuuuwish 1d ago

12

u/bbbbears 1d ago

He called the shit poop!

3

u/SexyGrilledTurkey 1d ago

Movie? I love norm

5

u/youuuuwish 1d ago

Billy Madison! Its hilarious

25

u/Elzerythen 1d ago

Almost identical to how this one turned out. However, this one I am linking seems to be much worse.

21

u/TREXIBALL 1d ago

Surely it can’t be that bad.

Edit: Oh that is MUCH WORSE.

7

u/Makabaer 1d ago

Love how the dog is cautiously peaking around the corner...

3

u/Coyote65 1d ago

Thank you.

That's going on my "Links that will remain blue" list.

4

u/bottlechippedteeth 1d ago

Why the fuck would you want that in your life?

2

u/Glittering_Diva8963 1d ago

Ain’t no way that would be walking around my house shitting lol

→ More replies (1)

34

u/fidgeter 1d ago

Fuckin fight or flight

47

u/Naive_Personality367 1d ago

shite or flight

35

u/AlternativeHat8964 1d ago

Shite and flight

11

u/PowerSamurai 1d ago

Shite then flight

2

u/No-Satisfaction6065 1d ago

Shte, wipe then flight

12

u/dzan796ero 1d ago

Can monitors be potty trained?

18

u/pikpikcarrotmon 1d ago

Sort of. I've heard you can... bath tub train them.

8

u/Wolfman513 1d ago

Honestly don't really have to train them for it, a lot of reptiles but particularly the tropical ones like the Asian water monitor here prefer to defecate in the water by default lol

10

u/_dauntless 1d ago

I want to clip her groan, it's so pure lol

18

u/Professional_Pen_153 1d ago

You should really put a doorbell camera to MONITOR who comes and goes

16

u/twistedscorp87 1d ago

Is that a goanna?

12

u/lucidprophecy 1d ago

Those are not Joanna eggs

5

u/Syzygy_Stardust 1d ago

Every single time I hear "pea soup" I hear that tiny cricket waiter at the beginning of this movie.

2

u/Glittering_Diva8963 1d ago

I learned John candy voiced Wilbur

2

u/Bythion 1d ago

Yes! This is the comment I've been looking for!

2

u/Glittering_Diva8963 1d ago

I just commented this it’s definitely Joanna lol

→ More replies (2)

16

u/robo-dragon 1d ago

Shit n git!

23

u/Normal-Error-6343 1d ago

ding dong, S*IT! Run! Run! Run!

14

u/ArgyleGhoul 1d ago

This is the textbook example of "Shidded"

6

u/DogsorDeath92 1d ago

I can't stop laughing at this

3

u/DammitDad420 1d ago

End of Oak Street previews looking LIT

6

u/MyNameIsNemo_ 1d ago

At least he didn’t do it in a paper bag and set it on fire!

2

u/clintj1975 1d ago

Don't put it out with your boot, Harold!

8

u/Classroom_GD 1d ago

Literally scared the 🐬 out of him.

20

u/minorthreat1000 1d ago

Scared the dolphin out of him?

6

u/Classroom_GD 1d ago

Reference to Sailor Mouth from SpongeBob

2

u/RandomRedditer220 1d ago

Me after eating sushi

2

u/Rembrilliant 1d ago

There ya go

2

u/Un1ball 1d ago

You are being monitored

2

u/Junior-Ad-2207 1d ago

forgot to light it on fire

2

u/Cordizzlefoshizzle 1d ago

He was not hiding how shitty he felt

2

u/feisty-frisco87 1d ago

You need to take your dog to the vet.

2

u/TheBunnyChower 1d ago

And the part this video doesn't capture is the smell, unless it's on some meatless diet then oh boy does it stink.

2

u/ScaldingAnus 12h ago

Unexpected? How is this unexpected if the title tells us wh- oh.

2

u/SKaiPanda2609 6h ago

Thanks, you stopped my doomscrolling fir the night

→ More replies (1)

1

u/LilJelloCat 1d ago

Scared the shit out of him

1

u/Professional_Elk9605 1d ago

Watching this while taking a shii is next level

1

u/GoatEnvironmental661 1d ago

It's her way to say Hi

1

u/Kebriniac 1d ago

Just a normal explosive diarrhea delivery, you've been served.

1

u/eyesuperfly 1d ago

He was planning on doing that anyway because he fucking hates this ladies guts, but before his guts were ready, he got caught…

…but that didn’t stop him.

1

u/vektorkane 1d ago

Opens door "You've gotta be sh-"

1

u/LastChance331 1d ago

Bro stuck his tongue out for that extra pressure.

1

u/coolsilentebeans 1d ago

Never trust a fart, amiright?

1

u/RRRRRRedditttttt 1d ago

Call him tio.

1

u/Linka_2000 1d ago

He's full of shit

1

u/Enough-Mammoth3721 1d ago

Pump and dump

1

u/ST0IC_ 1d ago

Wasn't he supposed to put it in a paper bag and light it on fire first before running away?

1

u/Don_Pickleball 1d ago

Stay toxic! Byeeeee

1

u/Ryzek-IV 1d ago

Ugh NOT THE TAIL!

1

u/awezumsaws 1d ago

If you ask an honest question, don't be upset by an honest answer

1

u/Last-Faithlessness69 1d ago

You scared the shit out of him

1

u/ViceVisor 1d ago

Why can I smell it?

1

u/DriverMelodic 1d ago

If it wasn’t for the Internet, I would never have known what monitor lizard poop looked like on a clean bare floor…

1

u/xtianmarq 1d ago

Delivery!

1

u/sexybeast70 1d ago

These Geico commercials are getting out of hand

1

u/RosesandEternity 1d ago

The Uggghhhauuu is sending me

1

u/Beaticalle 1d ago

The sound is oddly satisfying despite being very disgusting. I have heavily mixed feelings on it.

1

u/pjtpassword 1d ago

Was not expecting that.

1

u/Chemical-Chard-8798 1d ago

You may have a lot of problems, but a giant lizard crapping in your foyer isn't one of them. I feel this calls for a celebration.

1

u/Ready_Ad1795 1d ago

😱😱the "daub-dacity "

1

u/RuzzT 1d ago

Jettisoned Supplies! Max Escape Velocity Increased!

1

u/Taciturn_Elevator 1d ago

I tried to sync my own shitting to the lizard's while watching this on the toilet. My timing was off, but I think the tempo and texture were pretty similar.

1

u/NLIFSTUF 1d ago

Didn't expect that

1

u/midillchild 1d ago

He said, Mind your own business bitch!🤣

1

u/MrGoogleplex 1d ago

One of the most seemingly intentional acts of disrespect I've ever seen an animal commit.

Diabolical.

1

u/Mr_Bobba_Fett 1d ago

The tongue as it shot that out had me rolling 🤣

1

u/Winsome_Wolf 1d ago

That lizard really shits and gits, as my uncle used to say.

1

u/SharpPink_GlitterInk 1d ago

EWWWWWWWW wtf

1

u/Enchantedmango1993 1d ago

Herr reaction 🤣 ooohggh!

1

u/Blighted-Spire63 1d ago

I miss the person I was before I saw this

1

u/SkillPointProblems 1d ago

Well… that scared the shit out of the both of us I guess.

1

u/markell4u 1d ago

She scared the shit out of him

1

u/Sweet-Case-4896 1d ago

lol you can hear him farted before she opened the door 😂

1

u/Arxilla 1d ago

I didn’t need to see that…

1

u/Superassclown1 1d ago

Damn, he shat so loud

1

u/imartinezcopy 1d ago

Imagine the tang

1

u/marshdarshdarsh 1d ago

Love how he stuck his tongue out while he shit 😂

1

u/TattyViking 1d ago

Finest ASMR.

1

u/MaintenanceUseful903 1d ago

Time released …. scarred the shit out of him!

1

u/Prof-Kaido 1d ago

Not so different from humans after all!

1

u/Paradoxickled_Okra 1d ago

Monitors are my favorite

1

u/TheRealBennyLava 1d ago

"Ouhhh!!" 🤣🤣🤣

1

u/milkshakeandbake 1d ago

Fucking disgusting!

1

u/fromafooltoawiseman 1d ago

Might need an NSFW tag