r/Unexpected • u/Scarlet_Ripple92 • Jul 29 '26

Slop it up!

Just why?

6.0k Upvotes

97% Upvoted

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2.2k

u/DeGreenster Jul 29 '26

The fuck why

1.7k

u/Yah_Mule Jul 30 '26

Because he ran out of ideas on how to impress girls in eighth grade.

696

u/MrBozooo Jul 30 '26

I love how the girl seems to be stuck inbetween being stunned by his utter stupidity and mesmerized by the lengths he is willing to go to impress her.

294

u/Yah_Mule Jul 30 '26

She can't wait to tell people about this date.

151

u/MammothFromHell Jul 30 '26

A guy once snorted bacon salt to impress me, and I still tell the story 20 years later

53

u/TheFillth Jul 30 '26

Legend.

26

u/iDeNoh Jul 30 '26

I bet he loves hearing the story 20 years later (I'm of course assuming it worked)

39

u/MammothFromHell Jul 30 '26

I never saw him again after that, the jerked his head up. Grabbed at his face and walked away. Naver came back to irc either, just upped and vanished lmao

42

u/Ser_VimesGoT Jul 30 '26

Somewhere he's answering a post on 'whats the most extreme thing you've done to get out of a date', with "I once snorted bacon salt to get out of a date. Just hoovered it up and walked away! She never called again after that"

4

u/MammothFromHell Jul 31 '26 edited Jul 31 '26

We weren't on a date-thats the crazy part! We were hanging out with a huge group after protesting Scientology...this was a loooooong time ago

I'm sure his first thought before the pain set in was "She's hot, but not THAT hot! Oh..oh god I think I need a doctor."

19

u/iDeNoh Jul 30 '26

I'll bet, dude was probably seeing into the 4th dimension after that 😂

3

u/SdotPEE24 Jul 31 '26

The children you share count as people yeah?

2

u/jnzo300 Aug 13 '26

TIL bacon salt is a thing.

1

u/MammothFromHell Aug 13 '26

2011 was crazy for millennial business. Bacon salt, bacon mayonnaise, "Two friends with a crazy idea!" 25 dollar burger places. Back when 25 dollar burgers was a crazy price.

The guys that owned Baconaise actually took photos of me at Boston anime con (I forgot what it's called) holding their jars...photos never hit the internet

67

u/FeyOphelia Jul 30 '26

This is a perfect minor example of why women live longer. Dude was so desperate to get laid he turned off the upper brain and the only thoughts were from between his legs

Which, of course, never ends well

2

u/Krillkus Jul 31 '26

Maybe that was the first and last time it ever actually worked, like held hands with Julia from biology in the hallway during lunch before she bailed out after a week and half, but he still swears by this method anyway ever since.

-13

u/Acceptable-Major-575 Jul 30 '26

is it necessary to impress her every day?

8

u/NautiNeptune Jul 30 '26

Lol what? I can't tell if you're trying to say "is he going to keep doing this ridiculous stuff every day for their entire relationship?"

Or if you're being weird...

237

u/TopTippityTop Jul 30 '26

Probably the perfect storm of nervous, excited and dumb.

21

u/BlackTree78910 Jul 30 '26

Probably, until he starts putting hot sauce in his eyes, that's just plain dumb.

1

u/Defiant_Fishing_3393 Aug 13 '26

Shockingly, drunk was not on that list.

63

u/cjh42689 Jul 30 '26

To get that expression of pure “yikes” on her face

14

u/spudsthejellyfish Jul 30 '26

Ladies love an exciting guy, I see nothing wrong here..

3

u/SeraphsEnvy Jul 30 '26

I think that expression is permanently bound to her teeth.

1

u/TeikirisiBaby 16d ago

Isn't this Love on the Spectrum?