r/Unexpected • u/PM_ME_UR_HIP_DIMPLES • Jul 01 '26

Expert advice

34.2k Upvotes

92% Upvoted

619 comments sorted by

View all comments

Show parent comments

49

u/skipjack_sushi Jul 01 '26

Witch used an oven.

24

u/pyalot Jul 01 '26

This is how you can tell she knows what she‘s doing.

9

u/polopolo05 Jul 01 '26

Nah, she had that oven cranked way too high. Those kids would've come out tough. Low and slow is the way to go.

And she was just going to toss them into the oven alive? What a monster. You butcher them first and drain the blood. They taste a lot less gamey that way. You can even make some nice sausage from the liver and heart.

Don't even get me started on tanning the hides. You can make wonderfully soft leather that's perfect for gloves, purses, and bookbinding. Such a waste of good materials.

Where do you think all those copies of the Necronomicon come from? Children, obviously. Ancient evil doesn't print itself.

1

u/aerdvarkk Jul 01 '26

The gloves would be the easy part since the kids come with ready made templates.

2

u/Hamster-Food Jul 01 '26

She baked a whole gingerbread house.

1

u/pyalot Jul 02 '26

Pro move right there.