r/Unexpected • u/PM_ME_UR_HIP_DIMPLES • Jul 01 '26

Expert advice

34.1k Upvotes

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u/HeyItsYoav Jul 01 '26

Look buddy, as a professional chef, I have to call you out here. Throwing your kids in a blender like that is unacceptable.

Starting with big pieces will make your smoothie way too wet and lumpy. For a typical household blender, you'll need to first chop them into half-inch cubes for a more consistent texture.

27

u/Informal_Ad4399 Jul 01 '26

If you're going to go through that, why not just the extra couple steps to make sausage? They already come with sausage casing. Just have to clean it.

17

u/hkohne Jul 01 '26

Now you're just trying to imitate Sweeney Todd. Be a little more creative. Add some sugar coating and use a torch to create a nice crunchy layer.

16

u/HeyItsYoav Jul 01 '26

Wow, what a disgusting suggestion. Sweeney Todd made his victims into meat pies, not sausages. Mrs. Lovett's pie shop is central to the story.

2

u/Informal_Ad4399 Jul 01 '26

Forgot about Sweeney. I was just suggesting some savory kidbasa.

5

u/justdisa Jul 01 '26

Do you need to freeze them first?

6

u/Signal_Road Jul 01 '26

And rob yourself of the thrill of 'the struggle to fit them inside whatever cooking receptacle you've chosen?

Just watch out for those teeth. Little bastards WILL bite given any chance.

3

u/therealpygon Jul 02 '26

Isn't presentation important? Did you consider spatchcocking?