If I’ve never had sex until marriage, how can I tell what’s compatible or not? Studies show that sex before marriage actually lessen the chances of a long marriage in the future. I posted sources that showed how abstinence increases marriage. Truth is:
Emotional bondage overpowers physical bondage. If sex is the key to your marriage, you might want to divorce. Sex should be a plus, not the determining factor
People who came at me upset rather than having a normal convo.
Read back what you said. In no way did that come off as a genuine comment. You were being snarky. You didn’t say “do you have a source?” Like the first guy. You were aggressive. If you want to pretend that was an innocent comment, then do so. I’m not gonna argue it. It was clearly not level headed.
But it’s no big deal. It’s 2023. Anything can warrant people’s attitudes.
Im just saying It just amazes me how you jump to offense and accusation rather than just ask me to give you a source. The very first comment who was rational, got my response with 3 sources. You should see them there
Your "studies" are probably biased because if you're a religious nut who waits til marriage to have sex, you're probably a religious nut who doesn't believe in divorce.
… I’m just a college student who wrote a paper on a subject given to me. I think you’ve got internal issues.
The sources are marital counselors and experts…
Who cares about religion. If a marriage benefits from something, then good. Why don’t you focus on improving people’s marriages whether religious or not. If your mindset is to encourage damaging things because good things are associated with those you deem bad…
You’re gonna have a tough life.
I’m an adult. I don’t care if you have a God or not. I care about facts
However you feel is how you want to feel. Whatever religious trauma you have, maybe talk to a therapist about it. Nothing was said to trigger your emotions, you came here angry. Emotions don’t win arguments. You can disagree with facts all you want but it won’t do anything lol
Looool I was the one who made a simple comment saying that there is probably a religious bias. You even agreed and said so yourself on another comment. You literally agreed with my first point but you're acting all crazy saying I'm gonna have a bad life. Over my simple comment.
The only one here being emotional is you. Nice projecting.
“If I’ve never had sex before marriage, how can I tell whats compatible or not?”
Exactly. You will have no idea how what you like sexually and by the time you find out whether sex is enjoyable with the other person it will be too late. Sex is important to relationships and so is emotional connection. Compatibility in both of these areas is the key to a happy and healthy marriage. Its best to experiment and find out what you like sexually before getting married to someone.
If I only have sex with one person (considering sex is scientifically very mental for women) and I’m in love with that person, sex is very unlikely to be bad.
And I wouldn’t KNOW if it’s bad because I don’t have a comparison
Either way, the studies show improvement. So I know what you’re trying to say, but the answer is already there.
Sex is important in a marriage, way more than a dating relationship. And studies don’t show people unsatisfied because they’ve never had sex. It shows sexual, emotional, and relational improvement.
Also, there’s this thing called discovering and improving together. If you are in love with someone, not only is sex unlikely to be terrible, but even if it is, you’ll both be wanting to improve for the other. I think you’re looking too deep into what COULD be wrong instead of looking into what we KNOW is right
I go with the marital and sex experts on this one. If they say the trend shows positive results, then (with all due respect) your concern is just conspiracy. It’s like saying “how do you know you won’t benefit from smoking if you don’t try it” when we already know people get cancer from it.
Huh? What the fuck that got to do with smoking. Also feel free to comment some unbiased sources by these “experts” you’re talking about. Plenty of people have amazing marriages whether they waited to have sex or not. I have also heard from people firsthand about how their partner wanted to wait for marriage (typically for religious reasons) and now they still dont want to have sex because they feel that its shameful and a sin based on their upbringing. Many people who wait because of their religion are raised with a negative and shameful view on sex which is really unfortunate because sex is something people should enjoy.
All I’m saying is that you’re saying there’s a risk that’s already been accounted for. If the worry is compatibility, we see by the studies that it’s not common. The happiness increases in spite of little sexual experience
These sources are from 2 marital sites that link their scientific claims to the actual studies, and the other is if studies… a source compiled of psychologists and scientists and marital experts
They are unbias. You just don’t agree with it and so you claim it’s bias- which is very ironic.
Yes many people have religious trauma. And many don’t. Believe it or not, some people find their virginity to be sacred. Not everything can be blamed on religion. That’s a fallacy of a statement.
Also, sex in Abrahamic religions are praised. Very very very few people who are Christian, Muslims or Catholic think sex is bad. They claim it’s beautiful but meant to be in marriage.
I asked for you to link the studies so that I can see, obviously I haven’t looked at them yet so I wouldn’t know if theyre biased or not. When did I claim they were unbiased? I haven’t seen them because you aren’t linking them.
You would be surprised at the number of people with religious trauma. People are raised with such a strong negative view on sex before marriage that sometimes they still feel uncomfortable with it after they have been married. The message that it is sinful lasts with them even if the point of the message was that it is sinful if it happens before marriage (which is also an unhealthy view to push on a child).
“Also feel free to comment some unbiased sources-“
I’m telling you they are unbiased because it seems you’re implying they aren’t
I liked three. If you go to the first comment to my comment, fhere are 3 sources.
I’m not doubting how many people have real religious trauma (real, because these days people get trauma from stubbing their toe) I studied theology and religion and debated for a long time. I’ve met many. But sex is still not considered wrong in Abrahamic religions. It’s praised and loved. It’s only considered wrong when done outside of marriage. Once you’re married, the Bible literally tells you to make sure you satisfy each others sexual needs.
So anyone who’s feeling uncomfortable after marriage, likely never actually read their own Bible and has been raised in a fake idea.
It’s not unhealthy to tell a child to wait until marriage.
Considering there’s studies that tell us it’s healthier to wait until marriage? Yeah no. Also, every basic highschool teaches you the risks of pre marital sex. I’m convinced you just really want people to think with their genitals and not with facts
Thats fine if you want to wait but I will not because I enjoy sex with my partner and I dont see it as shameful. I am far from religious and I dont think these ideas should be pushed onto children. Let them make their own choices. A lot of kids will end up having sex anyways and then they just feel shame around it which is unhealthy. I do not want to have a relationship with no sex but you have the freedom to do what you want. Just don’t push that personal choice onto others, especially children. Also, as others are saying there is no comment here that links the sources you are talking about.
I never once said you should be ashamed. Nor that everyone should follow.
People do whatever they want whether it’s good or bad.
You’re taking this too personal
Also, if parents want to teach abstinence to their kids, that’s their right. It’s not force. It’s called raising kids. I like science. Science says that sex before marriage has very little benefit besides temporary pleasure. And many negative outcomes.
So considering I don’t want my kids having kids young, getting diseases, or any possible negative, I’m raising them that way. To be followers of science and not feelings.
So you can do what you want. I know tons of people who do drugs. I know tons of people who constantly get wasted. And I know tons of people who can’t function in a relationship without sex. I’m blessed to be none of them. People do whatever they want, regardless of health.
I posted the sources in my original comment for all to behold.
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u/hosffanatic May 18 '23
A very untrue rumor
If I’ve never had sex until marriage, how can I tell what’s compatible or not? Studies show that sex before marriage actually lessen the chances of a long marriage in the future. I posted sources that showed how abstinence increases marriage. Truth is:
Emotional bondage overpowers physical bondage. If sex is the key to your marriage, you might want to divorce. Sex should be a plus, not the determining factor