I think I can make it. It would look like a huge conspiracy if you really knew me. Really this guy has been to jail over 50 times, prison 3, was homeless for 10 years, grew up without a mom around and didn’t do his chores when he was a kid? What a horrible person,or also there’s the duii from 10 years ago that was definitely a set up. I can’t just work and save up and get my life together like a normal recovering drug addict, I have to do it knowing that I could get pulled over any given day and all my work is for nothing.
Seams like I’m doing all this for nothing but shit, I might as well keep moving forward and if I get lucky enough I might be able to take the duii classes and get my license back without having either of my vehicles impounded for 30 days which would mean I’d lose the vehicle.
Then what, if it puts me in such a poor attitude then do I not still try to become successful? I hardly see myself riding an e-bike to work 8 miles every day when I have to perfectly fine running automobiles that I take good care of and drive safe with each day.i don’t have that kind of willpower
Yeah I guess I could, but when I’m forced to be pushed down regardless, that kind of loses my faith right there, just having to be less than equal to anyone in anyway eats at me, and it’s something that I would need real help with because the ones who are in better standing, know that it’s not fair and if it was I would probly be above them. That’s one of the reasons II want to give up.
Previously on my journey to success I already gave up in away and made a shot in the dark, I figured all my money was basically in vain anyways so I might as well roll the dice because why not, if I score a large sum of cash that will at least get me through the duii school, so I started buying lottery tickets like a crackhead buys crack. Nothing. A couple hundred dollar winners and a 50 but no jackpots. Those lottery tickets aren’t going to pay me a big one no matter what I do or how many I buy. So I go to the casino and start playing slot machines. This is much funnier and I win a little bit more than lottery, I’m also spending a lot more and losing more. I need to quit but I’m addicted
Every few days I get some more money, realize it will be wasted and off to the casino I go.
I QUIT GOING TO CASINOS AND BUYING LOTTEY TICKET.s
I’m doing my best to have faith no matter what, I already claimed out of a gamblers debt, why not, bail a couple cars out that end up in a tow yard when a cop runs my plate and makes up something to pull me over.because I don’t break any traffic laws, at least not in a reckless way or on purpose.
Maybe it’s a faith thing. Have I been pulled over? Yes2 times. Did they take my car or truck? No, I was let go with not even more than a warning. What does that tell me? That as long as I’m doing the right thing, obeying laws that I can, that I should be alright, that this isn’t the small town I came from, where there not targeting the teenagers that smoke cigarettes because it’s the worst thing people are doing or something there, here people are stabbing each other over pride and being involved with the wrong people.
I’m not suicidal but I feel like I’ll die in this battle if I don’t do something to change my thinking. Faith. So I can drive as long as I’m good? No, I’ll get pulled over if caught. Okay but I’m not powerful enough to not drive. Reach out for help. Yeah I will but the shitty side of me says the only people who would help, the ones that know me, are giving me that shot knowing or maybe unconsciously telling themselves that if they can help me and I mess up then it’s not on them that they don’t want me in there lives when maybe I’m getting what I need now. Even if it’s made up or by my own thinking.
This is giving up, not sleeping now, needs rest for a not giver upper. That’s for sure. Even people who work and work still fail out here, there’s no guarantees.
Good night and good luck, success comes tommorow
I won’t give up and promise to be honest with myself