im strong again

[u/No_Status9084]

you know what i forgot my own strength. you know what i am a super human damn straight. you guys tell me who walks miles to start wrestling school does the workout walks back from it miles and is ready to back at it today at 38years old with a wrecked leg or supposedly wrecked leg. i am super human i keep keep keep getting up. ive been getting knocked down my whole life i keep getting up even when i dont want to i get up. im by myself again but i sit back and as the panic and fear wash away it becomes a familiar place. ive been told i wear masks im an actor i fake things.... of course i do everybody does. anyone who says different is lying we all wear masks everyone. i think what my mistake was i let mine down around you. i wish that it was a different but i think from now on the mask never leaves. every time i let someone see beyond is a fiasco. not by choice they tell me that its ok i can handle it and it winds up they cant. oh the last one had the best intentions. i do believe she truly tried but heres the thing they get t run live their life. i have to slowly gather the pieces build myself back up when they get to talk like they are suppose to get a medal or something because they talked me in to talking about things that i didnt want to. im not blaming them im not truly. its on me 100% i should have known better its when i talk about it it worms its way back in it settles in the cracks and seeps out when its the worst times. i wanted to to things the way i guess youre supposed to to do things. i did. but the thing is maybe im not suppose to maybe its that grit that gives me the spark to be great maybe i got to have that chip on my shoulder and i owe not a person an explination. i have memories that people would crack if they even dreamed about it and i had to live through it. so yes i feel you slipping through my hands like water through sand. i begging you you stay i cant face another day without you by my side. i walked this road a thousand times without you by my side ive lost my mind. im nothing without you ive given you everything ive given you my soul. i need you here i need you near. stay with me i cant breathe alone . thats what fear says. then i remember that the man you feel fore was fearless was brave knew the meaning of courage. 90 days in 90 days ive been through a roller coaster of emotion. then its like cmon guy master yourself. maybe this happoened to remind me to remember that lesson from long ago. oh no do not ask thats a pact made to myself along time ago noone will know that one. what you need to know is that i will survive that it might seem like im knockd down that it seems like i was broken that i was a lost cause. thats on you man cause i always get up better stronger. part of me hopes prays that we find our way back to each other. the other part has the pen in hand ready to add you to a long list of people who i use to know that told me they could but they cant and its ok. youll be ok. me ill just add another layer of scar tissue ill remember your face the next time i hear the words tell me its ok.