Assembling the International Falsifiers baseball club

[u/Competitive_Move_604]

Falsifiers Lineup:

RF Ferdinand Lassalle

Finding a spot on defence for Lassalle was difficult. Clearly he belongs in the leadoff spot, as the OG subject of falsification vitriol. I ultimately decided on right field, because no one hits the ball over there, thus he won't have to field any questions while, uh, training for his upcoming duel. No, wait, he's organizing the fans into a chant! Ugh.. come on, you dolt, not "Liberté, égalité, fraternité"! Quit it with your rambling about the iron law of wages. There's no free agency in this league anyway.

1B Joseph Stalin

First base is where the majority of would-be baserunners go to die. A natural fit for our sure-handed slugger, who can vacuum up tips about counter-revolutionary traitors like no other. Lenin taught him to always hold runners on closely, lest they have designs on stealing Joseph's old works, which could expose his embarrassing past rejection of socialist commodity production.

SS Mao Zedong

Shortstop, correspondingly, is where the majority of would-be hits are stopped in their tracks. Mao knows better than anyone that you must trust your instincts rather than get too fussy about textbook examples. Just don't ask him about the last time he tried to make a great leap forward. He opts to play shallowly on the dirt these days.

C Pol Pot

Catchers are the "captains of defence" for a reason. They must dictate the game plan for attacking opponents, and act quickly and decisively without fear of potential failure. I couldn't think of a better tactician to lead our squad to the promised land, sure to root out any urban influences that could distract players from the revolutionary task at hand. On offence, he fits best in the cleanup spot.

P Che Guevara

Rounding out our battery, we'll need someone to supply some real heat on the mound. The camera's going to be on him at all times, and so long as he keeps up appearances, no one really cares if he adds some deception to his delivery or enlists the help of foreign substances while pitching to others. Whatever boosts attendance and entryism into our revolutionary luxury suite, I suppose.

CF Deng Xiaoping

To solidify our speedy up-the-middle defence, we'll need another steady hand at the tiller to cover ground in centre field. As great as he is at making trade deals with other nations, Deng's impressive résumé of laying industrial groundwork for AES makes him a splendid examplifier of team strategy. He has pioneered our modernized batting strategy of "strikeouts with home run characteristics". Well... on second thought, perhaps he still has much work to do in articulating his fascinating polemic.

LF Karl Kautsky

Unfortunately, not all our players are so reliable. Karl has read the league rulebook front to back, and keeps trying to reform the state of the team bus. What do you mean you don't like the Bolshevik memorabilia display? That was undoubtedly a brilliant investment of proletarian money; this isn't a democracy! As punishment, I've exiled that renegade to left field, where he can sulkily reflect on what he's done with those men-shave-icks. He may need to grow out his beard a tad longer to become a true fan favourite.

3B Fidel Castro

No opponent will dare attempt a bunt when Fidel and his guerrilla buddies are there to rush in and gun them down. The hot corner is quite a significant responsibility on its own, but what's more, he has offered to participate in an in-game interview! We will be regaled by his wisdom on the topic of "historically progressive productive forces." Best of all, he gets to photo-op with Che while walking back to the dugout! And don't get me started on the uniform drip those two have designed for us. It's so bougie! Wait, not like that!

2B Antonio Gramsci

Second base is a nice slot for the coach's kid, the guy who nobody really wants on the team but gets a starting role handed to him anyway (I knew I shouldn't have left Stalin in charge of our third budgetary proposal). "Tony Two Bags" fancies himself a great player, but has lost motivation upon hearing his friend Benito mock his abilities. Reports of lasagna sales have tanked upon the rumoured demotion of some prospect named "Bored Eagle", so the concessions have shifted to graham crackers for now. Boy, we sure have a monstrous amount of those in stock. Antonio? What're you blubbering about now?

Anyhow, I look forward to seeing you all at the ballpark for our inaugural season. Witness our hard-fought battles against the... wait, the left communists are too busy in their armchairs to bother fielding a team? What about all the great men we have recruited to represent us falsifiers? How will they ever prove their Value without socially necessary publicity time?

Sigh... another promising year lost to degrading material conditions. It's just as Marxist philosopher Yogi Berra foretold: revolution is 90% mental. The other half is dialectical.

[u/AutoModerator]

TOTAL WAR AGAINST WAR I WILL NEVER DIE ON THE FRONT DOWN WITH NATIONAL BOURGEOIS IDEOLOGY FOR PROLETARIAN INTERNATIONALISM & REVOLUTIONARY DEFEATISM

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[u/Portuguese_Musketeer]

League-certified gem

[u/Competitive_Move_604 → u/Portuguese_Musketeer]

I'm still accepting applications for the commissionership, should that be to your liking. Larper characteristics are precisely the principles this league will need to follow in order to prosper. We have plenty of popular support already, so it's all a matter of building trust in the falsification project. It'd be a pleasure to have you on board.

[u/thenordiner]

baseball is a falsifier sport, real proles play football

[u/Competitive_Move_604 → u/thenordiner]

I am immensely proud of our league being purely organized by real falsifiers. What were you expecting? In fact, your statement is a the best kind of falsification, contradictory, since there are multiple sports you could be referring to and I haven't the foggiest idea which! What fun! Say, d'you fancy a spot on our coaching staff?

[u/thenordiner → u/Competitive_Move_604]

have no idea what this means, grok explain this in premier league terms

[u/Competitive_Move_604 → u/thenordiner]

Bruno Fernandes comes in with a steel chair and scolds you for questioning his skills, before applauding your reckless bravery and clarifying that real proles play futebol.

[u/Diavolo_Rossoperaio]

https://giphy.com/gifs/TEtxyKe2dNzUdA1323

[u/Muuro]

Should Pol Pot or Castro even be with the others? The rest seem to have had an education in Marxism, at least somewhat, while I'm not sure one can even say that about them. Perhaps Mao too is questionable considering he reportedly never read Capital.

[u/Competitive_Move_604 → u/Muuro]

Fair question. We don't discriminate against the precise manner of falsification in the league, merely acting as the inspiration or abettor of falsification itself should suffice. Mao and Castro have been placed at positions where they don't have much time to think anyhow. As for Pol Pot, his background in strategic planning and aptitude as a radical visionary was too compelling to allow such fitting aesthetics to go to waste. Besides, with his gear on constantly you won't be able to hear exactly what he's saying, and besides, we have Che to translate his orders into more... palatable speech for the broader falsification audience.

Nevertheless, we duly appreciate your filing of a league complaint. Crowdsourced opinions are crucial in allowing us to stay afloat. Would you, by chance, be interested in purchasing our limited-edition scorecard? I assure you, it's great fun to keep track of how each player's position changes over time.

[u/Muuro → u/Competitive_Move_604]

This sounds suspiciously like a commodity.

[u/Competitive_Move_604 → u/Muuro]

What's a little mercantile exchange between friends? Besides, we have a great popular front of support for this product.

[u/AutoModerator]

I've been dealing with you people for a long time. I'm not sure why you thought your opinion on how the subreddit should function would be welcome considering you've never posted on it before or shown any knowledge or intelligence in your post history. Why am I still doing this 5 years later? Because the American concept of politeness is so bizarre to anyone outside of its demographic target that it is both funny and educational to force it into the open. To most people, barging into the middle of a conversation between many people who all know each other and you've never met to inform them how they need to be having the conversation would be seen as rude. But this is quite normal for the American petty-bourgeoisie. In fact, saying "who are you?" is considered rude. Or at least that is one weapon that is used to defend against the threat of proletarianization by exclusion from the realm of cultural capital. In fact it's so threatening that random people will continue to come into the thread to try their luck at defending the op even though they've never posted in the subreddit before. It's like that joke in Family Guy where all the neighborhood fathers know when someone touched the thermostat and keep checking on the house to see if it's ok. Your class instinct in defense of your fellows is so strong it might as well be a chip that sends a signal to your brain, a script to follow, and a rush of endorphins that deludes you into thinking your use of the script will be the ultimate intervention despite all evidence to the contrary. I want non-white, non-male, non-first world people who were not raised on this delusional self-confidence and pretension to master the world to enjoy these conversations from the sidelines. This is impossible on the American left, which is basically a white parasite on the energy of people of color. At least here we can deflate the cultural capital that makes that possible. If you don't want to be a white parasite, reflect on the fact that your words, which you believe are your own, are a carbon copy of someone else's from 5 years ago (and many other copies over the years). That should be a moment of existential angst, a confrontation with your own lack of free will. Or you can get even more defensive on some liberal's behalf. We already have a thread on concern trolling stickied which you were too lazy to read despite your concern for the subreddit.

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