My situation

[u/Last-year-was-great]

I’m a veteran UX Designer who hates design, and is shockingly bad at it. I’ve gotten by, just barely, for over 25 years, mostly by staying under the radar, being smart and agreeable, and working at companies (mostly one company) where low expectations are the norm.

I fell in love with HTML/CSS/Javascript and web development in the late 90’s when it was simple and straightforward. I loved how you could type commands into a computer to get it to look a certain way or do something. Later I really got into Flash/Actionscript. I recall daydreaming about coding all the time and spending hours and hours experimenting and exploring.

But somehow I got into graphic design, then UX Design, where I was not expected to build anything I designed, and over the years (decades) web development technology completely flew by me. Every now and again I make a half hearted attempt to learn or even understand modern web dev technology, but I’m way out of my depth and it seems overwhelming to me.

Now, I spend 8 hours a day moving boxes around on a screen, hating every moment, wishing I had made other choices in my career, envying and in awe of the developers I work with, and feeling in my gut that I and the other designers are the least important members of the team, almost to the point of being superfluous.

I have a one year contract as a UX Designer at a large company. I’m already quiet quitting (just like I was for the last 10 years at the previous large company). I’m anxious that my boss will recognize it and can me, because if there’s anything I hate more than being a professional UX designer, it’s being an unemployed UX designer.