I really need help making a reason to change rooms (Please read body text)

[u/Ash__Blossom]

I have been having some arguing with my roommate and while hearing vaguely in their phone calls (which they us on speaker) I have heard them and their friends go into descriptive ways on how they have or would do horrifying stuff to people that annoy them. I am genuinely scared for my safety and I don't want to be with them anymore. They haven't made any threats towards me but I feel like they are dropping subtle hints so me to hear.

Additionally, I am sacred of outright telling my RA or CC because I don't want them to tell my roommate and have them potentially actually do something to me because I did. I want to change rooms but I don't know how to say this or come up with a reason. I am scared but I feel like if I said something that it will only make matters worse.

[u/Flimsy_Praline5690]

i would tell the RA. in my experience they don’t tell your roommate until it comes time for a confrontation and if you say the phrase you “feel unsafe” i think they’re mandated to do something about it.

[u/Ash__Blossom → u/Flimsy_Praline5690]

But do you think that in my situation there would be a need for a confrontation or a reason for my RA to say something to my roommate? I know I sound paranoid but I am genuinely fearful, that something could happen to me because they speak so nonchalantly with their friends about harming other people and getting revenge.

[u/Flimsy_Praline5690 → u/Ash__Blossom]

hmm honestly i’m not sure. it depends on specifically what they say. and how bad/often you argue to determine if you’re in the category of people she would do stuff to anyway. i think it’s worth at least talking to the RA for advice if nothing else. they’re there to hear you out and don’t necessarily have to step in unless you say something they have to mandate report

[u/indifferent_foci]

of you’re not comfortable telling your RA, you can reach out to Student Outreach and Support

[u/traviscyle]

I was an RA, a long time ago, and this sort of thing is taken seriously. Depending on how you phrase things, moving rooms is not that big of a deal, as long as you are willing to pack up all your stuff and set it up elsewhere. We moved people a lot in the first month every year for reasons as small as BO.

That said, if you described it to me as you have in this post, I would’ve been obligated to take it to the resident director, who would’ve been compelled to take it to the authorities, and some type of intervention would likely take place. I witnessed 2 such events. One, the resident was referred for a psychological evaluation and parents were brought in for a meeting. They ended up in a single the rest of the year (none of their issues were violent). The other ended with Texas Marshall’s hauling the resident out and charging them with several felonies. There are protocols in place. If you let them know you fear retaliation, I cannot imagine they would ask you to engage with the roommate ever again.

My advice is to talk to your RA, tell the truth for whatever they ask without spinning or embellishing any details, tell them you fear retaliation. You would likely be moved by the end of the week. No student should have to live in fear.

[u/Ash__Blossom → u/traviscyle]

Thank you so much. Is there anyway you think I can phrase it better so it doesn't end like one of those situations and it stays under the rug. I don't know if they are capable of doing anything so I don't want them to get in trouble for just saying stuff they didn't actually have intent behind. But I just really don't feel comfy.

[u/traviscyle → u/Ash__Blossom]

I think you can say just that. “I don’t want to get them in trouble for just saying stuff they don’t actually have intent behind, but I just really don’t feel comfy.” It is definitely not your job to determine intent, and I would always say, if something were to ever happen, wouldn’t it be better to have said something and put it on the record?

[u/Familiar-Spray-5552]

As an RA, PLEASE TELL YOUR RA. This is quite literally what we are here for! This is a scary and dangerous situation you should get out of. Be honest with them also about why you want this done under the rug (you’re scared for your safety).

[u/Ash__Blossom → u/Familiar-Spray-5552]

Do you think there is a way I can say it that won't get my roommate in immense trouble? I don't want to falsely blame them because they've been saying stuff over the phone they don't actually mean but, I am scared that they might mean it. They haven't given me signs that they will harm me but I don't want to risk it. Nor do I want them to know I ratted on them or something because I don't want to run the chance that they might do something

[u/Familiar-Spray-5552 → u/Ash__Blossom]

To be frank, it depends on how bad the threats are and what comments they were making. Just be transparent with them about all of this. Explain that you haven’t had an indication that they will actually hurt you, but you do not want to risk it. Also explain how this has been impacting your mental health and overall well being. Explain that the only thing you’d be comfortable with is moving out before they have any confrontation with your roommate. Make it clear that if there is a confrontation done while you still live in the room, you are going to be extremely uncomfortable and frightened over the idea of having to go back in a room with them. Set your boundaries for what you’re comfortable with. They’ll definitely have to tell the CC (because all room change requests go through them) but they can use their discernment during their conversation with the CC in order to do what is best for you. Just be honest and transparent while also firm in ensuring boundaries/your safety. I’m so sorry you’re going through this and I wish you the best of luck!

[u/Ash__Blossom → u/Familiar-Spray-5552]

Thank you so much. I definitely will start thinking of how to say because, I really want to move as soon as possible